I feel as though you've tried to tell the reader too much this time. A rule of thumb is if you can write something shorter, and it doesn't change the effect, you need to do it. You also need to avoid telling the reader how to feel. In this story you've told us how the character feels, which isn't neccesary. I'll do a little edit now with constructive criticism. [quote]The Thing by the Creek(Part 1) I live in a little log cabin about five miles out of town. Out in the woods; [u]out in the middle of nowhere really[/u].[/quote] This underlined segment is an example of what I mean. Most readers will know that a wood means the "middle of nowhere," so it's not necessary to tell them [quote]My wife, Kate, loves it out here. It's beautiful. Calm. Escaping [this feels like the wrong word choice]. Couldn't ask for a better place. She's pregnant, and we're looking forward to having a child. I think I'll be a good father, at least, I hope. We also have a creek behind our house. That's where I intend to play with my child someday. Skipping rocks or something---you know[I would also personally leave out things like 'you know,' but that's a personal thing so if it works for you, leave it in].[/quote] [quote]Unfortunately, at the moment, I work at Taco Bell. So I get to serve people all day. Which, I guess, you serve people in almost every job in the world. If not all of them[these last two sentences are further examples that seem unnecesary to me]. But that's not the type of "serving" I mean. I hate asking people hundreds of times a day, "Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. May I take your order?" I don't know, maybe it's just me.[/quote] I'm not sure you need to state the name of the place he works, something like 'a restaurant' would work okay. Also, if you leave in the name, it reduces the number of people who can identify with it. Again though, it's a personal thing. [quote]My wife's the one with a great job. She's a nurse. And that kind of makes me feel like I'm not doing my job. Like I'm a waste of space. Our salaries are insanely different. I know that she doesn't care about dumb shit like that. But can't help but think like that.[/quote] I really like the comment about him feeling worthless because her job is so meaningful, but I'd keep salaries out of this part. Nurses actually make very little. [quote]Anywho, after work, I get to come home. Which I love considering we live somewhere beautiful. My routine is this exactly: Open the door and take off my shoes and socks. Put on my boots and shorts. Grab a cold beer. Then head to the creek and walk around---and just---relax. This was a wonderful day to be outside. No clouds. And the temperature was perfect. I started to walk around in the creek; the lower part that is. The warmth of the water is so comforting. As if Mother Nature was giving me a hug. I continued to walk around in the creek, until... *Splash* There was a noise coming from the distance. It sounded like someone throwing a massive rock in the creek. Didn't sound like a fish hopping out of the water. Unless that fish was huge. So I crept down there as quietly as possible just in case it wasn't a fish. And to my surprise---it wasn't. It kind of looked like a bear, but not exactly. It had black fur, and its limbs were deformed. I was kind of relieved in a sense because black bears don't really care about humans. More afraid than anything, at least, that's what people say. But this bear had a very unusual body. And it had thrown its own head under water. And just keeping it there. As if it doesn't need any air. Which honestly creeped me out[this is part of what I meant about telling the reader how he feels. Instead of stating this, think about how you could infer it]. I was about to leave until the most frighting thing happened[this too]. *Ring* That didn't just happen. My ringtone isn't what you call, "subtle." I hurried to cancel the call. But by the time I did---it was too late. I heard yet again the noise. *Splash* It felt like liquid-ice[try a different simile] running through my veins. I managed to keep myself calm. "It's just a black bear," I mumbled to myself. I turned around and looked. And was in shock[again, try and infer this instead of stating it]. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't blink. I was shut down in fear[keep at "I was shut down"]. It had no fur on its face. It had white eyes. Its mouth was so wide it reached around to its neck. And it was standing up on two legs. Walking towards me. Slowly. Why can't I move? Why.[Question mark] It was like I was being hypnotized. It got closer. Closer. Closer. Is this it? Am I going to die? Like this.[Question mark] I closed my eyes. Pretty much accepted my fate. It came up to me and stopped. I was too scared to do anything. Opening my eyes was out of the picture. It wasn't making any noise at all. Then suddenly[be very careful when using the word suddenly. In most cases, there are better words to use. I can probably find a link for this if you want the reason why], it started walking away. I finally managed to build up the courage to move. But as soon as my foot exited the water---it stopped walking. And turned to my direction yet again. It seemed this thing was sensitive to sound. Yet blind. At least---I thought. I continued to walk away. Except very cautiously[try a holophrase "cautiously" it may or may not work]. This time without making any major noise. But when I turn[ed] back to look at it I almost threw up. Its eyes expanded. And tilted it's[check apostrophe use] head slightly to the right. This thing can hear, but it can only see when you move. What other reasoning would you have for that shit? I stopped moving in hope that it would just walk away like it did last time. But that simply was not the case, it charged at me with full force, crushing the gravel on the outside of the creek. Its limbs were so deformed it looks[keep in past tense when possible] like some kind of demonic creature running. It was determined. And so was I as I turned to run for my life, almost tripping, becoming dizzy, feeling sick, thinking the worse[worst]. It started screaming. Which I can only describe as what sounded like a baby and a cat combined. Didn't really feel like taking notes on the noise it was making.[remove this last sentence, as he did describe the creature] [/quote] This last stretch is really good - the only other thing I would mention is the use of asterisks with sound effects. I would change that to a very short sentence as a paragraph on its own. [quote]I made it inside my house, slammed the door, and locked it faster than The Flash. I looked out the window[but there was nothing there] only to find nothing. "What the hell, wha---," I passed out. I awake to a car door slamming outside. It's my wife. She came inside with a cheerful expression. "You'll never believe what happened to me today." [b]- Part two will take a while. As I want to find a good way to continue the short story. Constructive criticism is welcome. [/b][/quote] This is a good ending. If you decide not to do a second part, this will work on its own. It's a great story, but needs a couple of edits to get the way its written as close to perfect as possible.