Myrtle Beach
Me and my girlfriend Rose had decided to go to Myrtle Beach back in 1997. We just packed our clothes, snacks, toothbrush and toothpaste, and a camera to get some pictures. I'm a cinematographer; So I take my camera literally everywhere I go. We had arrived at a hotel right by the ocean. It was dark when we arrived. So we went to get a bite to eat - then settled in. I couldn't actually sleep though. The woman at the front desk said the AC was having issues. And it was a hot night. So I decided to go outside and just watch the waves until it got cool enough to go back inside.
It was nice and peaceful. Then I noticed something from the corner of my eye. It was a woman? She was an odd looking woman. Very tall and skinny. And her face looked like that of a doll. I was uncomfortable at that point. But I stopped paying her attention considering she was just looking out at the waves like I was. I decided to take out my camera to take some pictures. Then out of nowhere, I hear, "what are you doing?" The woman was now beside me.
Being startled I yelled, "Shit! Uh... just taking a few pics for the collection." I replied. She said, "okay" and just walked away. Right back to the same exact spot she was previously. I decided to go back inside. As I walking away I looked back to see her just staring at me heavily. I started speed walking back to the room. And of course - I arrive without the keycard. So I had to knock on the door and wake up my girlfriend. And right before she opens the door I look down the hallway - it was that woman.
She was just staring at me like I did something wrong. I get in the room and lock the door. My girlfriend had asked, "what's wrong." But I just ignored her and went to bed. I, unfortunately, woke up in like an hour - sweating buckets. I couldn't see how my girlfriend was sleeping. I had to go to the bathroom. So I got up quietly and went across the room to the bathroom. I noticed that my girlfriend didn't flush the toilet after peeing. But she was just the kind of person.
I used the bathroom and went back to the bed and tried to get some sleep. Then I get interrupted by the carpet making a slight rubbing noise. As if someone was rubbing their feet on it. I looked up and there was no one standing there. So I check under the bed. I couldn't believe what I saw. IT WAS THAT WOMAN. I yelled at the top of my lungs, "what the f*ck!" Waking my girlfriend. She was on edge after that. So I grabbed her by the arm and went to go tell the woman at the front desk.
There was nobody at the front desk. So we checked the little office behind the front desk. And when I opened the door - we found the body of the woman I had just talked to a few hours ago. Her head was missing. Blood everywhere. I almost lost consciousness. My girlfriend threw up and left the room -surprisingly neither of us screamed at the sight of the dead body. Then out of nowhere, I hear my girlfriend scream. I thought she was just screaming over the dead body.
But when I looked out of the office door I saw - the weird woman was holding the head of the woman at the front desk. That f*cking psychopath threw the head at me saying, "Wanna play catch." The woman's head hit me. Immediately followed by the that the psychotic woman yelled, "You're it!" Pulling out a meat cleaver. I jumped over the desk, grabbed Rose, and ran out the hotel building. "Help!" I yelled. But it was like 1:30 A.M. so nobody was out. I took a glance behind me - the woman was gone.
Rose called the police. And I wasn't taking my eyes off the front of that building. The cops arrived at the scene - and we explained everything to them in great detail. They pulled out a wanted photo of a woman and said, "is this her?" I couldn't f*cking believe it. I said nervously, "yes sir." They had told us she was a wanted serial killer. And had already killed sixteen other people. They had to review my camera. So I gave it to them. This is by far the most disturbing part. There were pics of a cleaver to my throat. I never went to Myrtle Beach again - and the woman was never caught.
[b]- I'm working on a longer story atm. It won't be finished for a while.(like two weeks) Would You Rather tomorrow. Thanks for the support on the last story. Peace.
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This is a big improvement on your last story. I really like the way that you use informal language, but go careful with it - you don't want too many 'like's for example. Overall you've taken all the things that needed improving with your first story and as far as I remember improved them all. My suggestion here is to work on where you start new paragraphs and also sentence structure. Speech should always be its own paragraph, and in some places you've used dashes where a new sentence would have been preferable. Again though, this is very good and you're definitely on the right track. [spoiler]https://thewritelife.com/scary-writing/ As you're primarily a horror writer, I'd take a look at this to figure out how best to present your sentences.[/spoiler]