We at Startec sometimes get asked “You don’t play the game so how are your translations so accurate?” Almost as if Startec was like some Angry Video Game Nerd living in his parent’s basement drinking beer, and playing crappy video games all day. Seriously James Rolfe, go get a job at the source or something you filthy mouthed hippy! No, we use a complex machine called the A.S.S.H.A.T (Anti Spin Super Hyper Advanced Translator) that combines both science and math to crunch out complex algorithms faster then any millennial’s ability to up vote a Justin Bieber song…Don’t tell you liked it “Ironically” I have graphs you rubes. But sadly there hasn’t been much of a calling for the ASSHAT as of late. With the release of Destiny 2 people seem to be able to see right through the corporate double talk and translate things on their own. With this sudden revolution of clarity we at Startec have been hard up and even some of us had to find other jobs. I myself had to go work in insurance…Yes the most bland soul destroying job out there just to keep the lights on. So for old times’ sake and by the request of some awesome fans, I have decided to turn the machine back on. =========================================================================== [quote][i] “This Week at Bungie, we launched Curse of Osiris.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] And brought out our blandest pay wall to date! [quote] [i]“Your invitation to Mercury is waiting with Ikora in the Tower.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] All 20 ft of it (Seriously it’s really small) [quote][i] “Get ready for a new journey, discovering the mysteries of Osiris and exploring the Infinite Forest.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] The name Infinite forest is pretty ironic when there’s only 2-3 hours of content…And the forest is basically the same mission every time. [quote][i] “With the release of Curse of Osiris, Season Two has also begun. Destiny Update 1.1.0 has brought resolution to a few issues we’ve been tracking, along with changes to seasonal activities and new rewards. It’s all documented in the patch notes.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]You silly kids thought we’d fix Destiny for only $20? HA! It’s gonna cost more then that before you can have fun. We’ll make sure to fix it right before D3..Maybe. [quote][i]“Another update is impending. Next week, Destiny Update 1.1.1 will bring more changes to the Destiny 2 experience. Expect patch notes to become available when the download is live.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Yeah…We’re gonna nerf the Prometheus Lens into the ground for no reason other than you like it. Enjoy! [quote] [i]“The Eater of Worlds”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Those of you still playing and bought CoO will get the chance to compete for the title of “First” in a long line of who gives a crap…Seriously does anyone remember who came in first on the last raid? No it’s like those guys who post “First” on a youtube comment and somehow think they have enriched their life. [quote] [i]“The first Faction Rallies for Season Two begins on December 12, running through December 19. This time, the armor you’ve won from your leaders will have new ornaments you can apply to make them look even more awesome. You’ll earn them by completing specific challenges issued to you by your faction of choice.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Oww ahhh, look it’s more junky re-skinned guns that are not the Prometheus Lens. [quote][i] “Whether you’ve met Osiris or not, Destiny 2 has some changes in store for you. With the beginning of Season Two, some of the ways that all Guardians fight have changed. The Patch Notes tell the full story, but the game designers can tell you to story behind the notes. Jon Weisnewski has some developer commentary about the updates to combat.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Please note we said “Changes” and not “Fixes” Things only get worse because this IS DESTINY! And it’s how the game has worked since 2013. [quote] [i]“Jon: Hello Guardians. First item of business: We know about the Prometheus Lens. It’s not what we intended. The weapon shipped with a bug, which we intend to fix with Destiny Update 1.1.1, along with everything else in the December update. Until then, please go easy on the players who have yet to get their hands on one (we know you won’t, but it’s been said).”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] NEEEERF! Duh what did you expect for us to give it even more awesome stats like rapid fire? [quote][i] “Our process for making these changes relies on a combination of absorbing raw player feedback, consulting detailed player data, and reconciling those learnings with our own experiences as players of the game. [/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Every major PVP even we pay attention to what gun you like most, and then we go out of our way to ruin it for you. Remember to thank us by shopping at Eververse. [quote][i]“We then playtest and fine tune the changes we make as much as possible.”[/i][/quote] [b] ERROR*1337ab29 *OUT RIGHT LIE DETECTED!!!* :[/b] We just said that we shipped the Prometheus Lens with a unintended bug…Yet now we are claiming we playtested it. Hmm which one is it?” [i][quote]“In terms of DPS output, our data from the first few months of gameplay is showing that various categories of weapons are reasonably balanced. A resounding theme from players has been to address the stronger outliers without making them too weak or changing their identity. We agree. We hope this update reflects that.”[/quote][/i] [b] *Translation*:[/b] If exotics are no better than legendary’s then that only gives you 10x more guns to grind and more vault space to use up! What are you complaining about? This game is working as intended. [quote][i] “Just because we aren't addressing a feedback theme in this release doesn't mean we aren't aware of it or have no plans to address it in the future. This was a calculated and stable approach for 1.1.0. We'll see how this one plays in the wild and reevaluate going forward.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*: [/b]We haven’t decided how much we need to shake you by the ankles for every incremental “Fix” we will force you to buy as DLC. [quote][i]“Since taking on the role of Acting Community Manager, I’ve temporarily relieved Cozmo on the front lines of player feedback. (Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.) As part of keeping our promise for more communication between players and developers, I’d like to give an example of our process. How is feedback collected? How is it shared across the studio?”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Our promise for more communication pretty much means TWAB will be more long winded than usual. And oh BTW Cozmo found out the only way to get a vacation around here is either being knocked up or get getting a girl knocked up. #worklifebalance [quote][i] “Whether it’s a post on Bungie.net, a community forum, or social media, feedback starts with a conversation. You and your fellow players chime in, expressing agreement or disagreement with the given feedback. As the conversation grows, we share emerging trends with the entire team in a report that we deliver about twice a month. When we identify a more pressing matter, we share it directly and immediately with the teams that can make a difference. Here's one example:”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] This is where we pretend that we’re listening as we ignore your annoying <----- this is how many post that has 1000+upvotes. [quote][i]“As a player, I wish to earn more meaningful rewards from pinnacle activities.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*[/b]: Actually no one said that…But hey “0 <------ This is how many people are listening at Bungie” [quote][i] “You won’t need to wait until next year to track our progress in responding to your feedback. Next week, we’ll be deploying a batch of changes in Update 1.1.1. that are based on your chatter. You can find an itemized list of what’s included in the same article linked above, including some updates to the way Vendors play a role in your hobby as a Guardian.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Based on your chatter like “Please don’t nerf the Prometheus Lens” yep you asked for it so we’re giving it to you.