You know that feeling you get? That one when the WI-FI, or your data isn't working like it SHOULD?
You watch in AGONY as that STUPID little icon in the middle of the screen just spins around like that f**king TEA CUP RIDE in DISNEYLAND, the one that's covered in the vomit of small children and REEKS of bleach and soiled underpants.
You check the time, growing impatient.
[spoiler]5:52.[/spoiler]
The muscles in your face tense, your pupils turn to pinholes as your eyes widen and beam lasers at your phone. They are deflected by your screen protector and sear a nearby wall, triggering the fire alarm.
As the room fills with smoke, you try to refresh the page, only to have a notice on your phone pop up saying, "Oops! Something went wrong..."
"For f**k's sake," you hiss, your tongue flickering out of your mouth like a snake.
You check the time.
[spoiler]5:52[/spoiler]
By this time, you can barely contain the primal rage that has been building up inside of you. You begin to scream at the top of your lungs, like some kind of deranged maniac.
"Stupid piece of shit! Just f**king work!"
All of the sudden something miraculous happens.
That shitty little icon lights up from grey, to pristine blue and starts spinning like a merry-go-round. You can barely contain the joyousness that overwhelms you, as curtains of tears pour out of your bloodshot eyes and drench the screen.
"Thank you, Jesus! Thank you!" you say, tears and snot dripping from your sweaty face.
Suddenly memes of kittens and presidents and pigs dressed in bow-ties wearing rain boots emerge before your eyes, the priceless visions you've been waiting all this time to see.
"Gawd," you think. "That felt like an eternity."
You check the time.
[spoiler]5:53[/spoiler]
You begin to scroll and smear your greasy little fingers all over your phone.
In your transient amusement you become lost in yet another fit of rage when you see no one has liked your latest post.
"What a bunch of -blam!-ers," you think to yourself.
You check the time.
[spoiler]7:04.[/spoiler]
Your mind races and comes to rest at the only logical conclusion:
"They must hate me."
You peel your butt cheeks away from the grimy toilet seat and pull up your pants, grappling to reclaim feeling in your legs as you stand on a thousand tiny pins and needles. The room engulfs in flames as the siren blares and smoldering panels drop from the ceiling onto your head.
"They must ALL hate me."
[spoiler]Yours truly,
- MillionBlue, a Spoiled Millennial[/spoiler]
[spoiler]I could go into boring detail and drone on and on about achievements, technological watermarks and youth psychology, but this dialogue was a lot more fun to write. I'll save throwing shriveled raisins at you for another time.
P.s. It's so much more -blam!-ing absurd if you read out loud.[/spoiler]
By: MillionBlue of the Millennials
[quote]Reference Links and Inspiration:
- [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/237868549?sort=0&page=0]Do you think that it is a problem that the post millennial generation is so wrapped up in our technology?[/url]
- [url=https://pics.me.me/when-voure-on-the-toilet-looking-at-memes-too-long-17946197.png]When you're on the toilet looking at memes too long...[/url]
- [url=http://www.theinsanedomain.com/]TheInsaneDomain[/url][/quote]
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I do get a bit upset when the WiFi doesn’t work