I'm going to try my hand at a positive post. Its my first time so bear with me.
Do you have have "bad thoughts", like imagining killing someone you love and wondering if that thought is something you might act on?
This is actually normal, and psychologists call it "intrusive thoughts". I've struggled with this issue throughout my life (yes, I'm older than 18), imaging doing something really bad, wondering if I want to do it, and whether I actually would. Maybe one day I will just pick up that knife and stab my Mom (who I have a decent relationship with). Then the thoughts about how I will feel after committing the act, going to prison, my family shunning me etc...
Its a normal thing. You are not possessed by demons (I've considered that in the past), and you are not a despicable person. Usually, these thoughts can involve actions that are the exact opposite of who you really are and what you actually want to do. Trying to push the thoughts out of your mind, and or questioning if you actually desire to act on them can lead to a vicious cycle that just keeps the morbid ideas coming. Its a Shitty version of The Game. When you think about The Game, you've lost The Game. For some, this can be a sign of clinical OCD. Its something you can work through and learn to process. One thing that helps me is redirecting the negative thought into something positive. Like instead of imagining stabbing my Mom, I imagine in the moment that the thought enters my mind an ISIS operative standing behind her, and me stabbing him instead. Yes, I know this sounds goofy and a little cringy, but it can help.
If you struggle with intrusive thoughts to the point of depression or even suicidal feelings, get some help. I did. Therapists are actually usually pretty cool people and they can help you understand yourself in new ways if you are honest and open about yourself. You arn't going to get sent to the loony bin. Trust me. If you think you have thought of dark and twisted shit, I'm sure I've outdone you. Therapists are not surprised at anything. Thoughts are thoughts, not actions. No one is going to lock you away.
Anyway, here are some helpful links on intrusive thoughts.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/am-i-normal/201110/intrusive-thoughts-normal-or-not
If you struggle with this issue remember that you are not alone. I hope this helps. I'm going to go back to being a pessimist now. See ya...
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As a child psychologist, yes these are very real. Anyone can experience them but as I have worked with thousands of people and have a unique perspective, if you continue to read this then I will share it with you. First, my degree is in holistic medicine and pastoral care, these as emphases in the Masters program of the Sciences of Psychology at Carson-Newman University. And as a [i][u]very[/u][/i] liberal Liberal Arts based school(undergrad) this seeps over throughout all programs despite it being a Southern Baptist University. So the term [b]intrusive thought[/b], that is a misnomer. Actually a lot of psychology gets blended into other parts of the human-doing, yes you read it right, not human-being, human-[i]doing[/i]. We don’t just simply exist, we are constantly doing something, even when we are sleeping and here comes some of the “other parts” of being a human-doing. We are triune, sentient, differentiated entities with freedom of will. What’s triune mean? Well it means that like the Judeo-Christian God, we have three main parts. A mental part, a spiritual part and a physical part. Despite popularized mythos these three things make up a living [i]soul[/i]. So back to the point. We have as a society, blended some things that are mental with physical I.e. the placebo effect, and some things physical with mental, like addiction being classified as a mental disorder for a long time when it is in fact a disease(there are some cross overs but I’m more addressing people’s social stigma against addicts and their unwillingness or feelings of inadequacy to help) and then mental and spiritual crossover like dreams and intrusive thoughts. An intrusive thought is an idea spoken of thousands of years ago. In “Biblical Times” these were referred to as imaginations. These unwanted thoughts are part of the enemy’s arsenal. If you find yourself receiving intrusive thoughts, thoughts that are completely unlinked to your current train of thought, some might explain this as the “subconscious mind”. But the sub-conscious mind is exactly that, [i]sub[/i] or below our level of sentience. Functions such as heart beats, blinking and breathing happen there. An imagination is pervasive, intrusive and on the conscious level. The instructions to combat this phenomenon are basic and simple. Say aloud or in your mind “I cast down that imagination”. You are casting it down because something unholy is exhaling itself above your own thoughts. You don’t have to know Jesus to do this but when you do know Jesus, you can take it to the next step so that they stop altogether. PM me if you want to learn more about ending intrusive thoughts permanently. Thank you for your time and consideration while reading this. -Dad