Evolution is broken… Yes I said it. Every school kid knows that with evolution the taller animal can pick the fruit off the higher branches of the tree. And therefore the more well nourished animal lives longer and stronger to pass on its genes. But with Humans, some Scientist thousands of years ago handed evolution its ass when they invented the ladder. Now anyone of any height could pick all the fruit off the tree. So why then do Humans keep getting taller, and taller? Well we here at Startec labs decided to correct nature’s misdirection by inventing the “Evolutionater Turbo.” A revolutionary device that helps dramatically increase the users intelligence. Sadly nature is a cruel mistress and always has the last laugh! We made a slight miscalculation… People tend to forget the second and most important part of evolution which is the whole “Passing on your genetics” Turns out having superior intellect and being right all the time gives the female population the impression you may have aspergers syndrome just like Sheldon Cooper, which is a huge turn off as most simply find you extremely annoying. So we at Startec would like to announce our latest invention the “Dumbator 3000.” Which lowers your IQ but instantly increases your sexiness! Let’s give it a try…*ZAP!* Ya Boi, nowz I can gets all the grills! Oh wait dis werkx maybe too goode. Why me breathing from mouth yo? Oh wellz YOLO. ================================================================================ [quote]“This week at Bungie, we’re grading one test and cramming for the next.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Yeah bringing up school in the middle of summer will let all the kids know how cool I am -DeeJ [quote]“The Destiny 2 Beta on PlayStation and Xbox is over! Millions of you showed up to stand in the fires of the Tower and fight back”[/quote] *Translation*: We just like to use the word "Millions" because it sounds fancy and theirs no way you can disprove it....Suckers! [quote] If you were one of the brave souls who dove past the drill to infiltrate the Inverted Spire, we thank you from the bottom of our sadistic hearts.[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] By “sadistic” we mean that we made D2 even worse than D1 on purpose! And how we did we do that? We nerfed everything you love! Even the amount of friends you have. So you’ll just need to learn how to be patient, and wait for your super to charge while you shoot ant giant space sponges with two primary’s. [quote]“The Crucible was an epic struggle between Market and Rugs. The Farm was so packed for the one hour we tested, we had to coop the chickens.”[/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Your new social space is a farm…You know something that you have seen in hundreds of RPG’s before. It’s like we’re not even trying anymore. In fact there’s only one farm and not dozens like most RPG’s. Wait till we rip off having to catch chickens just like Zelda. [quote] “All told, this was the biggest Bungie Beta ever, and we’re not even done running eager test subjects through the obstacle course.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] …We refuse to count D1 even though it technically never left BETA. [quote] “We learned a lot about how we can improve the launch of Destiny 2 – on consoles, at least.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Preorders are way down from D1, and we’ve been getting crap reviews…And yet we are still going to NERF this even further. [quote]“There will come a time for a public analysis of our findings. Before we dare take a victory lap or share statistics”[/quote] *Translation*: We’ll tell you some BS how this is the most downloaded game in history, and you’ll pretend to believe us. It’s just how our relationship works right? It’s not our fault if you have stockholm syndrome after all these years. But before that we need to get permission from our Activison overlords after the media ban. [quote] “PC Community! You are up next. And this will be our first dance. Save the Date.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]blah blah blah PC MASTER RACE. [quote]Did you hear the one about the new Exotic Weapon that you’ll meet in Destiny 2?[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Since the prepays are way down we’re offering you a carrot in the form of a gun. Remember this isn’t “Pay to win” it’s “Pre-Pay to WIN” which is totally different.