"Because it's interrupting your croquet classes?" Cayde said to Zavala as he sighed.
"Unfortunately.. yes. My croquet classes used to be well received until.. until.." Zavala droned on.
"Until..?" Cayde said, motioning his hand for Zavala to continue.
"[i]Until Titan Skating Happened."[/i]
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"Alright, listen up!" BraveCole shouted, to a group of other Titans. "This is Titan Skating 101. It's a new class in the tower that I have the privilege of teaching. Raise your hand if you came from Zavala's Croquet Class?"
Six Titans hesitantly raised their hands.
"Good. And since you left that class, how does it feel to not be queer?"
The Titans sat there in silence until one of them spoke. "Um.."
"I'll let you keep that answer to yourself," BraveCole interrupted. "Anyway, I've gathered you all here today for-"
"Knitting?!" One Titan blurted out, excitement filled his question.
"What? No. Why the hell would you think this was a knitting class?"
"Because Steven said you knitted his sick grandma a very warm sweater from scratch."
"God DAMMIT, Steven!" BraveCole shouted, pointing at him. "I told you not to tell anyone because of this very reason! Now everyone's gonna want a -blam!-ing sweater!"
Steven shrugged. "Well, I mean it [i]was[/i] a nice sweater, how could I keep it a secret?"
"How come Steven's grandma is so special? I have an aunt who loves knitted clothing." One Titan said.
"Yeah, and I myself would love a pair of mittens."
"Ditto."
The room began uproaring with chatter as every Titan became stuck on the subject of knitting.
"Everyone! Quiet down.." BraveCole said, as silence filled the room. "We aren't here for knitting.."
"Aww.." the room of Titans went.
"We are here.. for [b][i]THESE![/i][/b]" BraveCole shouted, pulling out a pair of roller blades.
"Ooohhh..." The Titans stared in awe. The roller blades had a very strong light, as if they were born from the Traveler.
"These.. my Titan brethren.. are [i]roller blades.[/i]" BraveCole said.
"Roller blades..?" One Titan asked. "I'm confused. I don't see any blades on that contraption."
"Fool. Not literal blades. This piece of golden age technology will help us achieve fame and glory."
"How?" The room said in unison.
"Oh, I'll show you how. Behold." BraveCole then slipped off his heavy, metallic boots and slipped into the roller blades. In an instant, he proppeled himself forward, going faster than any guardian the Titans had ever seen.
"Woah!"
"Look at him go!"
"How is he doing that!?"
"Is he playing claw!?"
BraveCole zipped around the room, the mighty roller blades making him seem invincible. He stopped on a dime, turning towards the other guardians. "And that, comrades, is the magic of [i]Titan Skating.[/i]"
"I still don't understand how this is better than knitti-"
"SHUT THE -blam!- UP!" BraveCole yelled, jumping up in the air and delivering a mighty roller bladed drop kick to the knitting obsessed Titan, sending him flying.
"Sigh. Now. Titans, you will each find a pair of roller blades and a shotgun to go with it. You have 10 miniutes to prepare yourself."
"Why? What's the occasion?" A Titan asked.
"Oh, the occasion?" BraveCole smirked.
[i]"Crucible."[/i]
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It was a bright and sunny day on Earth, the Titans spawning in on Rusted Lands.
The Titans, BraveCole included who was holding the flag, all drifted down into the shallow water. BraveCole stuck the flag in the ground as Shaxx spoke.
"Alpha Team. Wait. Are you blokes wearing.. wheel shoes?"
A titan spoke up. "Hell yeaAAAAHHHH!!" The Titan screamed as he slipped into the water, falling flat on his back. "I'm okay! I'm okay, just a little.. just a little damp. Does anyone have a spare butt towel?"
BraveCole sighed. "Alright, enough lollygagging. It's show time. Or should I say.. [i]Shoe time?[/i]"
BraveCole looked back to see the Titans, shaking their head in utter disapproval.
"Yeah. Let's just ignore that one."
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"I hear we're going up against a team of Titans! Sounds like easy pickings!" A hunter on Bravo team said to a warlock.
Before the warlock could respond, a Titan rushed passed him, the only thing he noticed was a large blur. "What on earth was that?!" The warlock said.
"I don't know but I'm kinda freaked ou- ARGHH!" The hunter screamed in pain as he went flying. The warlock began looking around for the mysterious culprit.
"But the only thing that can send a guardian flying like that is.. is.."
"[b][i]SHOULDER CHARGE![/i][/b]" He heard before his face was met with the metallic shoulder plate of a Titan, killing him instantly.
"Haha! I've never moved so fast in my life! This is amazing!" One Titan said.
"It's the power of Titan Skating boys!" BraveCole said.
"Brave, you got one behind you."
"Really? I got it." BraveCole jumped up in the air and flung his knee to the side, making him do a complete 180 and nailing the guardian in the face.
"Ha! I didn't even know that was possible!"
"That's because it isn't!" BraveCole shouted back.
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After a long and painful ordeal, a lone guardian who was battered and bruised was found rocking back and forth. "They used their knees, man. Their knees. T-Their knees, man."
Tears formed in his eyes and he shouted.
[i][b]"NERF TITAN SKATING!"[/b][/i]
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[quote] "Good. And since you left that class, how does it feel to not be queer?'[/quote] Here's where I stopped reading.
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Poor Zavala.... nobody would go to his croquet class after experiencing this. Great work as always.
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Good morning professor 🍎
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Outstanding. And do you have those skates in Size 2? Petra wants a pair.
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BraveCole, your Kinderguardian series is fantastic but this... this is beautiful. Keep up the good work, and ignore the people who only read the titles.
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Edited by U12070628: 7/17/2017 12:12:37 AM8==👊=D💦 🌝
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Holy wall of txt Op! No way in hell my dump is going to last long enough for me to finish your manifesto.... D1 isn't changing!
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Just use blink my guy
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This was pretty amusing. Keep up the good work.
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This side of the community makes me happy. Very happy.
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RIP Titan skating
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This is an old story I wrote back in the day before me or my writing skills were actually well known. I figured I'd repost it, because I'm extremely proud of this particular one, and as a tribute to say good bye to Titan Skating in D2. Enjoy guys.
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Sentinel skipped the roller blades and went to [u]Jetpacks[/u] for Titan "Skating". Thus Sentinel crushes his foes at a faster speed with his trusty shield and mighty jetpack. [i]~Sentinel America[/i]
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Edited by Eden: 7/16/2017 5:28:50 PMInaccurate. The Warlock would kill them all from 10 ft away with Thunderstrike, the Hunter would be impossible to hit because they'd be shadestepping everywhere, and one of the Titans probably would've been dropped from the match due to a connection error.
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Bullsh*t, it's all titans have, movement and nades, keep in mind that every class has nades that are great. It's all that titans are, they have the shortest melee in the game at 2m (in game metres) hunters have a 4m Melee and warlock have 8m. The great damage of the titans melee makes up for that so the melee should not be nerfed before you say anything. Statistically in the current form of the game, all classes are balanced due to their different (and equal) advantages and disadvantages, and to prove this furtherly you do not see one class being played more than another in any game mode. You are just one of the many other winging players who cannot accept a loss from better players who simply put played you, but you can't accept it so you blame the game, you don't consider the enemy being better than you.
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Edited by SUSSY AWOOOTIST: 7/16/2017 7:42:04 PMWHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED... Was an original joke. [spoiler]nice story[/spoiler]
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What if all you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK STUFF IN THE FACE?!? FOREVER!!!???!!!
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Edited by Sturm with no Drang: 7/16/2017 6:57:33 PMYou had me at "SHUT THE -blam!- UP!"
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I did not expect literal titan skating
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I am speechles
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That was beautiful