(Ok so this is a new series I'm starting, if you want me to carry on please leave a comment saying so and yeah I hope it's ok for you)
The last thing I remembered was pain. Antagonising pain. The memory had faded now.. it had faded a lot.. it seemed like ages away since... actually what did happen? Was I hurt? Am I in a coma? Did I.. die?
"Umm.. Macaulay? I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be here.." I remembered , the yellow police tape was surrounding the area.
"It's fine Yang, I just want to see what happened here. Nothing's going to happen."
It had been broadcasted on the radio there was some type of attack near our home, apparently the killer was still loose and several police had already died.. The memory was pretty much a blur but I can remember some things.. most things.. ok not a lot of it but I can make out what happened.
The next thing I remembered was seeing something move. Something among the darkness of the night was moving. I heard noises from around myself.. and then there was silence.
A jolt of pain rang through my body and a numbing sensation followed. I put my hand to my chest and found a sticky liquid pouring out.. I remembered crying out for my friend but hearing no answer.
Darkness. Everything went dark.
Ok so there's a chance I'm dead.. but if I was dead would I still be conscious? Maybe this was all a dream. Yup a dream. Totally. It was all a dre-
"Guardian!"
"Shh leave me alone, I'm tired"I replied to this unusual voice.
"Guardian! Wake up! You're not dreaming." I soonrealised it was a female voice.
"Who.. who are you?"
"Well.. I'm your ghost"
"Ghost? What a ghost?"
"Well.. well.. I don't know actually but I was brought here to revive you, Yang."
"Revive me?"I chuckled "but I'm not dead!!"
"You've been dead for hundreds of years.."
Then there was just more darkness.. sigh. I think the darkness likes being around me..
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That's an intriguing start, with her getting mixed up with her final memories. I like it
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Edited by Paradox1055: 5/22/2017 9:20:39 PMThis is really good, it has its potential. Keep working at it, and don't get discouraged if some people don't like it. You should be writing your own enjoyment. That being said, there was only one major flaw I noticed. Put dialogue in quotation marks (") instead of apostrophes ('). Save those for dialogue inside dialogue. It sounds confusing, I know, but here's an example.[quote]"look, I told you Jerry said, 'meet me at noon'. That's what he said," I replied.[/quote]
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Atta girl! Where was this all the time we worked together on the web series ^-^ my god this is good. The dialogue set up could be a little bit better but no matter, I love it never the less!
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First bump.
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Awesome.