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I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.

Add #copypasta so we can find this later

Dear Prius Drivers, Please stop driving like entitled little shits. You think your car is better for the environment therefore you are entitled to the road. I hate to break it to you but that "green" car of yours is actually worse for the environment than a hummer. How you ask? Well it's all in how the car is made, The mining and processing of the nickel for the batteries produces a shit ton of pollution. So you're car actually sucks for the environment so you are in no way entitled to the roads. So do the world a favor and buy a big boy car ok? Sincerely, A BMW Driver; The Original entitled drivers. Dear BMW Driver, Shut up and get your slow asses off the road. Sincerely, A Lambhorghini Driver, the true entitled drivers. Dear Lamborghini Driver, shut up and get your weak asses off the road. - sincerely tank operators 1-3 Dear tank drivers, Your slow, get off the road. Sincerely, Apache helicopter pilot, the one and only entitled driver. Dear Apache Helicopter Pilots, Get your slow asses out of the air. Sincerely, Jet pilots, the one true entitled driver Dear Jet pilots, Get your no range having ass back on the ground. Sincerely, KC130 refueling pilots, the one true entitled driver. Dear everyone else, Your vehicles all suck, they can't even leave Earth's atmosphere. Sincerely, An astronaut and space shuttle pilot. Winner ---------------------- >The year is 2066 >Wake up, turn on TNN (Trump News Network) >Watch the destruction from the Blitzkrieg of Europe >Think to myself "Thank God I live in Trumptopia" >Look outside my window >Notice the Trumpstapo kick down my neighbors door >They drag out my neighbor, Francisco Pedro Alejandro Gomez >Trumpstapo force him onto his knees >A man in solid gold comes up to my neighbor, closely followed by his guards, the Trumpen-SS >I squint and notice that it's him, it's really him >Trump the Ever-Living >Trump the Undying >Trump the Conqueror >The other neighbors started to gather around >"You're illegal aren't you?" Our Lord asked >"No senor, no no!" >"That's what they all say" >The Trumpstapo got him on his feet "What should we do with him, my Lord?" >The Trumptator smirked >My neighbors begin to chant >"Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!" >"Send him to the Wall! Take him away!" >My neighbors cheer and celebrate >Several days later >Turn on TNN >On Fridays, TNN live streams the Wall >All the illegals found that week are stood up on top of the Great Trump Wall >Notice my neighbor is among them >A man in solid gold appears on top of the Wall >How he gets there is unknown, he just does it, he's Trump the Ever-living >The camera zooms in on our Lord >"To all illegals that continue to taint Trumptopia, I will find you. And I will stump you." >Lord Trump begins to kick each illegal one by one off the wall >Their screams echo and quickly disappear as they fall to their death >Those that came to Wall to see the action live shout "STUMPED" after each illegal is kicked What a great time to be alive ---------------------- The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start. ---------------------- Life is precious, and suicide is a serious issue to be handled by licensed professionals. Bungie employees and forum moderators are not trained to handle those in a suicidal crisis; please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You may also wish to contact any of the following crisis prevention resources: US: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org www.spanusa.org UK: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/thinking-about-suicide/find-a-crisis-centre/ International Directory: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html Military Crisis Line: Active duty, Guard and reserve service members, their families and friends stateside and in Europe have 24/7 access to the Military Crisis Line at no cost. For crisis support, those in the U.S. call 800-273-8255, then press 1. Callers in Europe dial 00800-1273-8255 or DSN 118. The toll-free service in Europe may not be available through all carriers or in all countries. Military One Source Toll Free Number: 800-342-9647 Military One Source Crisis Prevention: http://m.militaryonesource.mil/crisis-prevention [spoiler]ok[/spoiler]

[i]This is going to be quite a long wall with quite a few important points, so if you want the quick version that lacks some of the points, you can scroll on down to the tl;dr section. Anyway, onto the story.[/i] I was just playing Destiny and this guy just showed up out of nowhere. Nowhere is a weird word now that I think about it. Is it "No where" or "Now here"? Anyway on with the story... I was just playing around in the patrols and this level four show up. While I'm on the topic of patrols, let me cut away for a second. Does anybody else think patrols are boring? You only really go there for bounties or to try out weapons. Even with sparrows, it takes a while just to get from place to place. The chests don't really give out much, either. Sure, they occasionally give out strange coins, but who really uses them anymore? I guess patrols are a nice place to hang out, but otherwise it's quite boring. Anyway, back to the story... The level four starts doing everything he can to get my attention, and it's kinda hard to actually get my attention. By the way, if you really want to get my attention, you gotta put on one of the flaming Halloween masks and wear the Chatterwhite shader. I remember when I got the Chatterwhite shader in Year 1; killing Atheon for the fourth time and the amazement on my face. I prefer the Flaming Skull mask from the first Festival of the Lost. It makes noises and stuff. Oh, right! The story! So, this guy is jumping around, punching me, dancing, all the other things people do... He also got on his sparrow and started honking his horn. That part reminded me of the sparrow races. I spent a while searching for the most irritating horn I could. I finally found it: The Bell Horn. I went through a race spamming the horn at every point I could. When the race was over, I had a minor headache. One guy in the race sent me a message saying something like, "Your mom should've disowned you," or something like that. Anyway, the level four is using the clown horn and I finally turn towards him and wave. He gets off his sparrow and waves back. I send him a message saying I'm going to go ahead and get off Destiny and he says bye or something. I go to orbit and inspect his player on this site and to my surprise, he's using the Khvostov! I was like, "Wow! People still use that!" And then I was like, "Of course they do, stupid. He doesn't have many weapon choices at his level. He's only level four." So then I had an ongoing argument with myself about how stupid I am and finally decided to punch myself to let me know whose boss. I quieted down after that. Of course, I couldn't leave witnesses, so I cut up my body into pieces and hid it in my freezer. Nobody can know that I did away with myself simply because I lost an argument to myself. Nobody shall ever know. Anyway, I think auto rifles are overpowered because they do damage and, by Destiny Law, anything that does damage is overpowered, which reminds me... Why was Universal Remote suddenly OP one day? Nothing changed with it, it just suddenly happened. Just goes to show the Destiny community sucks. [b]Too Long; Didn't Read[/b] [spoiler]I was just playing Destiny and this guy just showed up out of nowhere. Nowhere is a weird word now that I think about it. Is it "No where" or "Now here"? Anyway on with the story... I was just playing around in the patrols and this level four show up. While I'm on the topic of patrols, let me cut away for a second. Does anybody else think patrols are boring? You only really go there for bounties or to try out weapons. Even with sparrows, it takes a while just to get from place to place. The chests don't really give out much, either. Sure, they occasionally give out strange coins, but who really uses them anymore? I guess patrols are a nice place to hang out, but otherwise it's quite boring. Anyway, back to the story... The level four starts doing everything he can to get my attention, and it's kinda hard to actually get my attention. By the way, if you really want to get my attention, you gotta put on one of the flaming Halloween masks and wear the Chatterwhite shader. I remember when I got the Chatterwhite shader in Year 1; killing Atheon for the fourth time and the amazement on my face. I prefer the Flaming Skull mask from the first Festival of the Lost. It makes noises and stuff. Oh, right! The story! So, this guy is jumping around, punching me, dancing, all the other things people do... He also got on his sparrow and started honking his horn. That part reminded me of the sparrow races. I spent a while searching for the most irritating horn I could. I finally found it: The Bell Horn. I went through a race spamming the horn at every point I could. When the race was over, I had a minor headache. One guy in the race sent me a message saying something like, "Your mom should've disowned you," or something like that. Anyway, the level four is using the clown horn and I finally turn towards him and wave. He gets off his sparrow and waves back. I send him a message saying I'm going to go ahead and get off Destiny and he says bye or something. I go to orbit and inspect his player on this site and to my surprise, he's using the Khvostov! I was like, "Wow! People still use that!" And then I was like, "Of course they do, stupid. He doesn't have many weapon choices at his level. He's only level four." So then I had an ongoing argument with myself about how stupid I am and finally decided to punch myself to let me know whose boss. I quieted down after that. Of course, I couldn't leave witnesses, so I cut up my body into pieces and hid it in my freezer. Nobody can know that I did away with myself simply because I lost an argument to myself. Nobody shall ever know. Anyway, I think auto rifles are overpowered because they do damage and, by Destiny Law, anything that does damage is overpowered, which reminds me... Why was Universal Remote suddenly OP one day? Nothing changed with it, it just suddenly happened. Just goes to show the Destiny community sucks.[/spoiler]

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, "Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?" The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, "Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball." The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, "If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a pink ping pong ball. The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again. The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday. "Father," replied the son, "I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, "If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls. The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again. The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday. "Father," said the son to this, "I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls." The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. "A carton of pink ping pong balls?" "A carton of pink ping pong balls," the boy confirmed. "I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls," said the father, "but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have." And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls. The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared. "Dear son," said the father, "I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?" The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. "Please humor me, dear father." The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again. The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday. "Dearest father," the son started, "I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls." One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humor his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory. The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home. The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left. The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. "Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible." It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country. The next day, the father took his son to the harbor and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there. "Father," the son said, "You've made me very happy yet again." That night, the son spent on board the tanker. The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy. A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital. His father visited the young man in hospital. "My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?" Weakly, the son sat up in bed. "Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father held his son's hand tightly. "Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls." "Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls." The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. "Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls." The son nodded weakly. The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room. "Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls," the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. "I-" the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth. "I- I-" Then he died.

[spoiler][Open on a top-down shot of Winston's desk. Winston grabs the camera and pulls it up to point it at him. He is eating a banana.] Winston: Is this on? [Cut to Winston reading his script and adjusting his glasses.] Winston: I made a chronal accelerator. I'm sure I can do this. [Cut to Winston looking directly at the camera. The room is slightly darker as the sun has begun to set.] Winston: To all agents of o- [The camera falls back down. Cut to the same shot of Winston facing the camera.] Winston: To all agents of Overwatch! [sigh] That's not right.. [Cut again. The room is barely lit now.] Winston: To the FORMER agents of Overwatch! This is Winston! Ha ha! [slumps] ..obviously. [Cut again. The room is completely dark now. Winston growls in frustration, then laughs awkwardly and adjusts his glasses.] Winston: ..Thirty years ago, the Omnics declared war. [Winston pulls a hologram image and puts it onscreen. It is an image of a large omnic marching through a city, with a small army of orange Bastion units behind it. People are fleeing.] Winston: The nations of the world had no answer until they called upon a small group of heroes. [The scene switches to Jack Morrison, Gabriel Reyes, Reinhardt, and Torbjörn firing at a stationary omnic turret. Ana Amari is sitting on its back, tearing out wires.] Winston: Overwatch was created to rescue humanity from the Omnic Crisis. [The scene switches again. An old man and an omnic, both dressed in blue suits, are shaking hands in front of a podium. To the sides, wearing suits and medals, are Tracer, Gabriel Reyes, Winston, Ana Amari, McCree, Reinhardt, Mercy, and Jack Morrison.] Winston: We became the greatest champions of peace and progress mankind has ever seen! [Switch to Mercy, Ana Amari, Jack Morrison, Reinhardt, Winston, and Tracer posing heroically. The words "Join Overwatch Today are visible on the right.] Winston: You were chosen because you had powers and abilities that made you... You joined, because you.. [Cut back to Winston. The room is still dark.] Winston: [sighs] You already know this. ..Look, the people decided they were better off without us. They even called us criminals! They tore our family apart. But look around! [Winston taps on his keyboard, bringing up several scenes that play one after another. The scenes are, in order: an explosion on the top floor of a skyscraper in Numbani, the destroyed railway in Route 66 with fire everywhere, giant omnics firing at the Kremlin from all directions, two Japanese children crying over the body of their omnic housekeeper while surrounded by people with rifles, citizens around the Temple of Anubis in rags and starving, and omnic rights protesters fighting King's Row police.] Winston: Someone has to do something! WE have to do something! [Cut back to Winston.] Winston: We can make a difference again! The world needs us now, more than ever! [Winston removes his glasses.] Are you with me?[/spoiler] [spoiler]Comrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down, I said comrade, capitalists are clowns, You may need to sleep on the ground. Comrade, there's a place you can go, I said comrade, you'll have to trek through the snow, you can stay there, and I'm sure you will find many ways to spend your time. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. Get your shovel and hoe, and harvest some potatoes, I do not care if there is snow. Comrade, are you listening to me? I said Comrade I know what you want to be, I said comrade, realize motherlands dreams, but you've got to know this one thing. Rich man, ruins world by himself, I said no man, will have personal wealth. So just come here, to the USSR, Our land stretches near and so far. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. Get your shovel and hoe, and harvest some potatoes, I do not care if there is snow. Comrade, I was once in your shoes, I said Comrade, we hate the Red White and Blues, I feel no man, better than me or you, the Aristocracy are fools. That's when, Lenin came up to me, and said Comrade, take a walk up the street, I made a place called the USSR. They can start you up with a farm. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, are you listening to me? I said Comrade, I know what you want to be.....[/spoiler] [spoiler]Reported. Called the cops, called the Fire Department, called pizza hut, called the USN, called the Royal Navy, called the Red Army, called the FBI. called the CIA, called Interpol, called the KGB, called the USMC, called the USAF, called the Royal Air force, called Scotland Yard, called the US National Guard of every state, called NYPD, called Obama, called the Queen, called Putin, called David Cameron, called every Governor of every US State, used my time phone to call Winston Churchill, As well as Hitler, Stalin, Theodore Roosevelt, George Washington, Montezuma, Caesar, and Gilgamesh, called US Army, called British Army in every era, called every phone sexline, called papa john’s, called the US Coast Guard, called my State Senators, called every republican in the US, called Dr. Who, called the Pope, called my local Gang lords, called the State Patrol of ever state west of the Mississippi, called all of my local news channels, called Vince McMahon, called The Sun, called The national enquirer, called CNN, called Scot Pelly, called Steven Colbert, called half of the Mexican Drug Cartels, called Nintendo, called the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force, called the head of the Illuminati, called the Ghostbusters, called every free mason, called bilderberg, called my neighbors, called the mayor of ever city in France, called my mom, called the Emperor of Man, and called every school district in Canada.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang, and although his airbending skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world.[/spoiler] GANE DESTINY JA is in a reply below.

Here's my favorite: [spoiler]Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.[/spoiler] [spoiler][b][u]KUPO!!![/u][/b][/spoiler]

Life is precious, and suicide is a serious issue to be handled by licensed professionals. Bungie employees and forum moderators are not trained to handle those in a suicidal crisis; please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You may also wish to contact any of the following crisis prevention resources: US: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org www.spanusa.org UK: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/thinking-about-suicide/find-a-crisis-centre/ International Directory: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html Military Crisis Line: Active duty, Guard and reserve service members, their families and friends stateside and in Europe have 24/7 access to the Military Crisis Line at no cost. For crisis support, those in the U.S. call 800-273-8255, then press 1. Callers in Europe dial 00800-1273-8255 or DSN 118. The toll-free service in Europe may not be available through all carriers or in all countries. Military One Source Toll Free Number: 800-342-9647 Military One Source Crisis Prevention: http://m.militaryonesource.mil/crisis-prevention

Here's two more: [spoiler]I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again.[/spoiler] [spoiler]I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.[/spoiler] I also have two pretty offensive emojis that I made, I could PM those to you, if you want to use them or see. [spoiler][b][u]KUPO!!![/u][/b][/spoiler] Edit: Here's two Destiny related one's: [spoiler]She hunts the Valus named Ta'aurc by the grunting radio traffic of his bodyguards. Cayde sent her to Mars to track and so track she will even if it kills her a hundred times. For him she will hunt forever. When Ta'aurc goes down into Meridian Bay she follows him in the night and finds herself caught up in the war. Like this— Something's happening, her Ghost says, something's wrong. She leaps from the Sparrow and gets cover between slabs of ancient stone haunted by quiet firefly light. Harvesters sweep overhead, cautious, prowling. On the Cabal command network a low voice mutters in their tongue, saying: Stand by to fire. They are coming. Stand by to fire. Hearing this she climbs a stone obelisk and perches on its point to watch the night sky. She wonders whether she will ever stand in the Tower courtyard and look up at the stars waiting for ruin. The Vex erupt from nothingness and crash down over the Cabal in formations of golden light. Lightning arcs and snaps and gives birth to marching ranks of bronze warrior hulls. Gun positions thunder back. Tracers sweep the sky and she can feel on her skin the electromagnetic howl of Cabal munitions seeking targets and the prickle of stranger signals that whisper of broken space and bent time. A Harvester spins down burning to shatter itself on the sand and now the command network drums with grim Cabal war-speak, a Centurion somewhere crying Black Shield, Black Shield, Firebase Thuria, perimeter compromised, request terminal protective fire, zero six zero, one three eight, immediate effect— Do you feel that? her Ghost whispers, awestruck. Yes, she says, yes, what is it? Something high above them not Vex nor Cabal narrowing its great eye to measure the battle with instruments of light and gravity. Does she—remember it? Does it remember her? It feels like she should... She has the sense of something old lifting a long spear. Testing its heft. Then dawn light, a terrible dawn—the sky opens up to admit devastation, thrown down from orbit: Minotaurs fall burnt and broken with their fluids boiling out. Cabal guns detonate in thunderous chains as tiny piercing flechettes fall out of the sky and find their ammunition bunkers. The battle stops. The Vex wink out. On the Cabal network the voice of Valus Ta'aurc roars: GAME DESTINY JA DOES YEARS I DO NOT HAVE ANY HEAVY WEAPON OF THE YEAR 1 JA MAKES THE END OF CROTA AND CRYSTAL CAMERA VARIOUS AND SEVERAL TIMES AND NEVER CAME A HEAVY WEAPON, WANTED A LOT TO GJALLARHORN, MORE TO PRA DESISTI BECAUSE SHE NEVER COMES, PRISON OF THE ANCIENTS YEAR 1 I JUST DID SEVERAL TIMES ALSO AND NOW NOTHING THAT GAME TA SACANAGEM WITH MY FRIENDS JA HAVE THE HEAVY WEAPONS OF THE YEAR 1 AND I HAVE NO STILL THAT SACK BUNGIE IMPROVES TO MY REWARDS[/spoiler] [spoiler]What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! [b]THEN YOU NEED[u] PEREGRINE GREAVES[/u]!!![/b] PUT THESE[b] SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN[/b] AND[b] YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES[/b]. THEY ARE[b] GEMS[/b]. YOU WILL LOOK [b]GLAMOROUS[/b] LIKE A [b]STYLISH LADY[/b] WHILE YOU [b]KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE![/b] YOUR LEGS ARE [b]BEDAZZLED! [/b]BEDAZZLED WITH THE[b] STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS[/b] IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE[b] ZERO F***S[/b] ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO [b]SWEET JUMPKICKS! [/b] YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE AND[b] THAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE[/b] BECAUSE [b]YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH![/b][b] YOUR SON WILL DIE! [/b]YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! [b]YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! [/b] YOU WILL[b] TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE [/b]AND YOU WILL[b] MASSACRE PEOPLE![/b] YOU WILL[b] F*** THEM UP![/b] [b]YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS![/b] DENIED! [b]GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE![/b] [b]YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS [/b]AND CAUSE THEM TO [b]WEEP RADIANT TEARS![/b] [b]YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS[/b]...[b][i]CAREFULLY[/i][/b].... [b]YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES[/b], DIVING INTO THEIR[b] NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT[/b] AND [b]MURDERING [/b]THEM WITH YOUR[b] ENERGY LEGS[/b]! IT IS[b] YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU[/b]---wait, shit...[b]THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!? [/b] YOU WILL[b] RUIN YOUR K/D[/b] LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE[b] ADDICTED[/b] TO THE SWEET,[i] SWEET[/i] SOUND OF [b]INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH[/b]! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY [b]SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE [/b]AND IT WILL BE [b]WORTH IT[/b] WHEN YOU [b]KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUT[/b] BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM![b] EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED [/b]AS[b] YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGY GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED[/b] AND HIS FAMILY[b] FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS[/b] TO [b]TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF[i] TEXAAAAAAS! [/i] [/b][/spoiler]

Anyone still have GAME DESTINY JA?

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

INGREDIENTS 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 cup packed light-brown sugar 1 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 2 large eggs 2 cups (about 12 ounces) semisweet and/or milk chocolate chips DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour and baking soda; set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the butter with both sugars; beat on medium speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; add the salt, vanilla, and eggs. Beat until well mixed, about 1 minute. Add flour mixture; mix until just combined. Stir in the chocolate chips. WATCH: How to Measure Flour Drop heaping tablespoon-size balls of dough about 2 inches apart on baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake until cookies are golden around the edges, but still soft in the center, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove from oven, and let cool on baking sheet 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack, and let cool completely. Store cookies in an airtight container at room temperature up to 1 week.