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Conclusion: OffTopic is sexually frustrated, in love with their mother, and aroused by phalluses.
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I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab, began to rise And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash, he did the monster mash The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash He did the mash, it caught on in a flash He did the mash, he did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash, they did the monster mash The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash They did the mash, it caught on in a flash They did the mash, they did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolfman, Dracula, and his son