[quote]This is the second post. First one is under #FunTimeWithSalamander.[/quote] Well well well, look who it is. Back for more, eh? I thought as much. The temptation is overwhelming; they all come back eventually. My provocative nature and [url=http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article8075004.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/Harambe.jpg]devilish good looks[/url] are just too strong. But enough of that. Time to get to the real reason why you're here: to laugh at some of the strange aspects of this game. For example, look at the words. I often find I can't pronounce half the names. They're either too long, or just don't make sense. Like Valus Brah'Colli. Also, the word presumptuous. I always get it mixed up with voluptuous.... Or was that scrumptious? 😏 I'll bet you're hungry right now. Wanna know how I knew it? Because it'd be presumptuous to assume you [i]weren't[/i] hungry.... [spoiler]Shut up. That made sense.[/spoiler] Either way, you're hungry. Wormspore (dried Hive shit), Blackwax Idols (wet Hive shit), Blue Polyphage (oil), and Ether Seeds (literal Fallen eggs) can only get you so far when you've got an empty stomach. Please allow me to quench your thirst with a bit of linguistic poetry. I will now describe a nice, warm, juicy cheeseburger. In Cabal. [spoiler][b][i]RUHHHH. RUH RUH RUH BWUAAAAAH. GUAH GUAH BWAH BWAH. GUWABA BABWAH RUUUUUUUH. GUH GUH GUUUUUUUUUGH. GUGH BWUH BWUH GUGH. BWUH BWUH BWUH. BWAH BWAH BWUH BWUGH BWA BUH BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.[/i][/b][/spoiler] Charming, isn't it? That's because it came from the imagination of a madman who goes by the name of a lizard at 2 o'clock in the morning. But there are worse things to be doing at 2 o'clock in the morning. Think about aaaaaaaall those raiders who are currently stuck at Oryx checkpoint because they're only just realizing that they picked the *wrong raid group.... [i]*really bad[/i] I'm sure there's a guy named Billy (please don't rage) who's breaking his back carrying 5 other scrubs through Oryx right now. Imagine if you were in his place, though. You just made it across the jumping puzzle (Angry-Dick-Wall-Mania). After waiting patiently because that one guy keeps dying. That one guy? We'll call him Jeff. So Geoff keeps dying again and again, but with a little help he finally makes it to the end. The door ahead of you opens, and your raid group gets ready to climb up a horribly designed staircase. You only hope you're not the last one to make it to the top. You kneel down and ready yourself; you tie and retie your shoelaces. Everything must be perfect. One slip, and you've gotta start all over again. You either get to the top, or you suffer from the shame of a thousand used baby diapers. Because if you fall, you'll look like a fool. And if you fall in style, you'll look like a fool who got rejected from Hairspray. Your heart skips a beat. You begin to perspire. This is it. The [i]real[/i] challenge of the raid.... It's all or nothing.... You either get to the top or you– [i][b]WHAT'S THAT?![/b][/i] Just as I thought. Your teammates are already at the top, and you're still on the ground floor triple-knotting your shoelaces like a fat lisping five year old. The sad part? You're a Titan. Titan boots don't have shoelaces. You've been pretending to tie shoelaces for about five minutes. Your Destiny wingman yells at you from above. He calls you a slowpoke. You tell him to shut up or his mom will beat him. After a couple minutes, you make your way to the top. Upon landing on the hard ground, the door in front of you slowly opens. It reveals the final boss room. Sisters checkpoint? Some claim it's harder than Oryx. But you're no pansy. Everyone's armor starts glowing. Jets of light shoot up from beneath your feet. The reason? [i][u][b]CONFIDENCE.[/b][/u][/i] You never doubted yourselves for a minute. Your group kills the first Daughter so fast, the first wave of snipers hasn't even spawned in yet. Why? Because you didn't [i]allow[/i] them to. Time is speeding up. At this point, you've gone completely Super Saiyan. You kill the first sister with such grace that you now have 25 seconds leftover to kill adds. You begin to fire your hand cannon without even aiming it, landing headshot after headshot as you mow them down. You're using the Last Word, you scrub. Of course you're not aiming it. Bright lights shine everywhere. Your team gets pumped and readies themselves to kill the second sister. You brace yourself, both mentally and spiritually. You've been preparing for this moment ever since you were ejected from your mother's womb. You learned the Destiny Grimoire before you learned the Alphabet. You knew what King's Fall was before [i]Bungie[/i] even knew what it was. They might as well just give you the rewards right no– [b]OH DEAR GOD YOU'RE COLORBLIND! YOU'RE F*CKING COLORBLIND! EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND F*CKING WHITE! WHY IS IT BLACK AND WHITE?! WHY NOT BLACK AND BLUE?! WHERE'S ATHEON?! WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING OOOOON![/b] You begin to panic and start screaming into the mic. Profanity breaks out from the group. Jeff starts crying. Your Destiny wingman calls you a lunatic. You tell him to go overdose on Tylenol. But then everything stops. The group goes quiet. Why? [b]BECAUSE YOU JUST FELL FLAT ON YOUR FACE, GUARDIAN.[/b] The cause? [b]YOUR SHOE LACES ARE TIED TOGETHER.[/b] You're not wearing Titan boots. You're not even a Titan. You've been so immersed in the raid that you didn't even realize you've been playing on your Warlock this whole damn time. Congratulations, you're now lying on the ground with less confidence than a 25 year old college who worships Miley Cyrus. You begin to cry as a wandering Thrall slowly claws your health bar away. Your team wipes. They don't have any faith in you as a runner. In all honesty. You don't either. So you let it happen, and try again. Within an hour, after repeatedly trying, you beat the checkpoint and reach Oryx. Because that's what doing the raid is all about. Never giving up, no matter what. No matter how much your team sucks, you stick with them until the end. Sure, they might be going through hard times, and sure they might suck at the game. But that's no reason to kick them. Just give them a chance. Or two. Or three. [spoiler]This is actually just an extremely elaborate LFG post. I need 5 more people for Oryx CP. My last group kicked me because I didn't know what "presumptuous" meant.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Must be 335 and have Touch of Malice, Sleeper Simulant, and Raze Lighter.[/spoiler] [spoiler]No kids.[/spoiler]