Startec Labs was recently hired to investigate something very spooky, a haunted mainframe! .oOOoO
Deep underground at a military installation located at 16.7250°N 169.5367°W a long lost server suddenly booted up after being shut down for over 20 years!
The problem was that no one could shut the server down, as it had been buried under tons and tons of toxic waste. And the US gov’s best data analysts could not ascertain the meaning behind these strange cryptic messages.
For example:
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18c20d0b4d0b0d0b2d0b0d0b9d182d0b520d0bfd0bed181d0bcd0bed182d180d0b8d0bc2c20d187d182d0be2
0d18dd182d0b820d0bad0b0d0bfd0b8d182d0b0d0bbd0b8d181d182d0b8d187d0b5d181d0bad0b8d0b520d1
81d0b2d0b8d0bdd18cd0b820d0b4d0be202e2e2e20d09fd0bed0b4d0bed0b6d0b4d0b8d182d0b52c20d0bdd0
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d0b8d0bad181d0bed0b220d0b820d184d0b8d181d0bad0b0d0bbd18cd0bdd18bd18520d0bed182d187d0b5d
182d0bed0b220d181203139383520d0b7d0b4d0b5d181d18c202e2e2e20d0af20d0bfd0bed182d180d0b0d182
d0b8d0bb20333020d0bbd0b5d18220d0b820352043505520d0bfd0be20d18dd182d0bed0bcd18320d0b2d0be
d0bfd180d0bed181d1833f2026205e2520242120d09dd0b8d0bad182d0be20d0bdd0b520d184d0bed0bad183
d181d18b20d098d0b2d0b0d0bd2c20d0b020d0bdd0b520d0b6d0b8d0b2d0b5d1822c20d187d182d0bed0b1d
18b20d180d0b0d181d181d0bad0b0d0b7d0b0d182d18c20d0bed0b120d18dd182d0bed0bc2e20d0af20d0b7d
0bdd0b0d18e2c20d187d182d0be20d18f20d0bfd0bed188d0bbd18e20d0b2d181d0b520d0bcd0bed189d0bdd
18bd0b920d090d0b4d0bcd0b8d180d0b0d0bb20d09ad183d0b7d0bdd0b5d186d0bed0b220d183d0bdd0b8d1
87d182d0bed0b6d0b8d182d18c20d18dd182d18320d0bdd0b8d187d182d0bed0b6d0bdd183d18e20d183d18
1d182d0b0d0bdd0bed0b2d0bad183202e2e2e20d0add182d0bed18220d0bed182d187d0b5d18220d0be20d1
81d0bed181d182d0bed18fd0bdd0b8d0b820d0b3d0bed0b2d0bed180d0b8d1822c20d187d182d0be20d0bed0
bd20d181d0bbd0bed0bcd0b0d0bd2120d094d0bed0bbd0b6d0bdd0b020d0b1d18bd182d18c20d180d0b0d0b
1d0bed182d0b020d0b8d0bcd0bfd0b5d180d0b8d0b0d0bbd0b8d181d182d0b8d187d0b5d181d0bad0bed0b3d
0be20d0b4d0b8d0b2d0b5d180d181d0b0d0bdd182d0bed0b22e20d0a1d0b0d0bcd0b0d18f20d0b4d0b0d0bbd
18cd0bdd18fd18f20d184d0bbd0bed18220d0bcd0bed0b6d0b5d18220d0bfd183d182d0b5d188d0b5d181d182
d0b2d0bed0b2d0b0d182d18c20d182d0bed0bbd18cd0bad0be20d0b220d0a1d180d0b5d0b4d0b8d0b7d0b5d
0bcd0bdd0bed0bc20d0bcd0bed180d0b52e20d09dd18320d0bdd0b520d0b2d0b0d0b6d0bdd0be2c20d0bfd18
0d0bed181d182d0be20d0b2d0b8d0b420d090d0b4d0bcd0b8d180d0b0d0bb20d09ad183d0b7d0bdd0b5d186
d0bed0b220d0bdd0b520d0b4d0bed181d182d0b0d182d0bed187d0bdd0be2c20d187d182d0bed0b1d18b20d
0bed182d0bfd180d0b0d0b2d0b8d182d18c20d18dd182d0b82066696c69747920d0a2d180d183d181d0bbd0b
8d0b2d18bd0b920d0bad0b0d0bfd0b8d182d0b0d0bbd0b8d181d182d0bed0b22c20d0b1d0b0d0bbd0bbd0be
d182d0b8d180d183d18ed189d0b8d185d181d18f20d0bdd0b020d182d0b8d18020d0b6d0b8d0b7d0bdd0b82e
20d0af20d0b4d0b5d180d0b6d0b0d0bb20d0bfd0b0d180d0b82c20d187d182d0be20d0bed0bdd0b820d0b1d1
83d0b4d183d18220d0bed182d0bad0b0d0b7d18bd0b2d0b0d182d18cd181d18f20d0bed18220d18dd182d0be
d0b3d0be20d181d180d0b5d0b4d181d182d0b2d0b020d0b220d180d0b5d0bad0bed180d0b4d0bdd0be20d0b
ad0bed180d0bed182d0bad0bed0b520d0b2d180d0b5d0bcd18f2c20d187d182d0bed0b1d18b20d0bfd0bed0b
9d182d0b820d0b4d0bed0bcd0bed0b920d0b820d0bfd0bed0bfd18bd182d0b0d182d18cd181d18f20d182d0b8
d18020d0bcd0b0d182d0b5d180d0b5d0b9202e2e2e2e20d09ed0b92c20d0bfd0bed0b4d0bed0b6d0b4d0b8d1
82d0b5202e2e2e20d0af20d0b4d183d0bcd0b0d18e2c20d187d182d0be20d0bdd0b5d0bad0bed182d0bed180
d18bd0b520d0bad0b0d0bfd0b8d182d0b0d0bbd0b8d181d182d0b8d187d0b5d181d0bad0b8d0b920d187d0b
5d0bbd0bed0b2d0b5d0ba20d187d0b8d182d0b0d0b5d18220d0bcd0bed0b820d0bcd18bd181d0bbd0b8202e
2e2e20d09dd183d0b6d0bdd0be20d0b8d181d0bfd0bed0bbd18cd0b7d0bed0b2d0b0d182d18c207365637265
637420d180d0b5d0b6d0b8d0bc20d0bdd0b5d0b2d0b8d0b4d0b8d0bcd0bed181d182d0b820d181d0bed0b2d
0b5d182d181d0bad0bed0b92e20d09cd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd1832c20d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd
18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd183
20d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd1832e20d09cd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0bcd18fd18320d0b
cd18fd18320d0bcd18fd1832e
Being that this is a Military secret, we can’t tell you what it says. But if you Jr Scientists would like to decode it *hint hint* wink wink* please be our guests.
SpoOky…Where did this message come from? Who sent it? What was it trying to access…We may never know.
This week’s translation:
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[quote][i]“This week at Bungie, we lit the candles.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: *[/b] For our annual goat sacrifice…Wait what?
[quote][i]“Festival of the Lost is live. Guardians are dressed in costumes to honor the memory of those who shall not be forgotten.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: * [/b]But not dressed up in your long forgotten year one gear, ironic.
[quote][i]“The longer we play Destiny, the more we see fun moments become traditions – and this is one we love.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: *[/b] We love it almost as much as our favorite tradition of “Nerfing everything you ever loved or cherished”
[quote][i]“If you have yet to join the party, start your seasonal journey with a visit to the Tower.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: *[/b] If your new you might still be excited by the three free masks we gave out last year, otherwise your trip to the tower better include $60 worth of silver dust, or a major credit card.
[quote][i]“These Tricks and Treats will last until the weekly reset on November 8th. Collect your candy, don your masks, and sweep your way across the Plaguelands.” [/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: *[/b] We know you love the Lost Broom, but despite thousands of you petitioning to keep it, after November the 8th it’s gone! What do you expect, for us to give you free content all day? I’ll tell you what if you like brooms so much head down to the tower where you can watch the sweeper bot do his thing all day, at least that’s free for now.
[quote][i]“The Festival of the Lost Masquerade Ball is your chance to share your creativity with the world. You could even win a little something while you’re at it. Every day – for the next thirteen days – we’ll choose one winner and grant them the Resurrectionist Emblem. That’s the same badge that other players are acquiring with items from the Festival of the Lost Collection in the Bungie Store. You might earn one for simply being frabjous.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: *[/b] Dramatically increase your chances of winning by purchasing a rare legendary mask! *hint hint, wink wink* The $60 investment will pay for itself once you receive a real life paper mask you could have easily purchased for $10. WOW!
[quote][i]
“Recently, there has been some concern about cheating in the Crucible, most specifically DDoSing in Trials of Osiris. This is a subject we take very seriously. To enlist you in the fight against cheaters, we spoke to our Security team to get some information on how they combat those who aren’t playing by the rules.”[/i][/quote]
[b]*Translation: * [/b]Oh oh polygon wrote a article on how much Trails of Osiris and SBMM sucks http://www.polygon.com/2016/10/26/13394068/destiny-trials-of-osiris-ruined-cheaters-ddos-spam so we have to pretend that we actually give a &^%$, and “ban” some of our paying customers. It’s not like players have been complaining about this over a year now. We now got to roll out damage control because of the 200 or so people who might actually read polygon, and decide not to purchase this game for Christmas. Oh nooo!
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Again, Startec Labs continues to impress!
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201 now. Thanks for including the link
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There it is. I was beginning to wonder if the A.S.S.H.A.T. was beginning to choke on the task given to it every week... kinda like a backed up sewage pipe. Having never witnessed the wonders of Startec Labs firsthand, I don't even know if your infernal and amazing contraption has pipes. If it does, I wouldn't be surprised if those good folks that manufacture Drano trundle on down to the ole' laboratory with a weekly delivery to keep the excrement running smoothly so that A.S.S.H.A.T. may continue to function unabated. Good show, and (erm) stay regular.
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Edited by cbrstar: 10/29/2016 9:29:41 AMIf anyone is having trouble with the code lets just say it sounds very Halloweenish.
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Well done as always!
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Always LOVE your translation article!!
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i would just like to say that a bungie employee said that they were fixing FOTL. apparently he said something about "nerfing fusion rifles???".
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[quote]I’ll tell you what if you like brooms so much head down to the tower where you can watch the sweeper bot do his thing all day, at least that’s free [b][u]for now.[/u][/b] [/quote] My favorite part lol.. About as repetitive as destiny..
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Wow I had no clue about the possibilities of ddos because of peer to peer. I don't feel the least bit bad about the players going through it either. If everyone stuck together and had stopped playing this game until the change was made to dedicated servers, Bungie would have implemented them over a year ago. The lag was always terrible in Destiny PvP and it was only 12 players max! I have played countless games of Battlefield with 64 players and it never even came close to the lag I experienced in Destiny.
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Edited by TheShadow: 10/28/2016 7:45:37 AM[quote][i]“If you have yet to join the party, start your seasonal journey with a visit to the Tower.”[/i] [b]*Translation: *[/b] If your new you might still be excited by the three free masks we gave out last year, otherwise your trip to the tower better include $60 worth of silver dust, or a major credit card.[/quote] Sad but ture
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bump and lets nerf Lost Broom and of course fusion rifles.
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Another hilarious (and highly anticipated) translation from Startec Labs. Bump!
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How many other people are just shocked that Bungie is SELLING PAPER MACKS IN REAL LIFE.
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Edited by TryN2kEEpUp: 10/28/2016 4:56:13 PMIf there was any doubt that asshat technology is unreliable this latest translation certainly vindicates all the hard work Startec has put in developing this most needed tech. 100% accuracy almost as unbelievable as Bungie business practices. You should be proud of the work you boys (and/or) girls are doing over there at Startec.
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You may need to remove the spaces... Bungie net code doesn't allow one really really long sentence lol ;)
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B U M P
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LMFAO Sweeper bot!