This is the one, [i]true[/i] story of b.net. During the summer my waifu, my two kids, and I go out to this cabin. It had been a normal day at the cabin; we fished, picked wild berries, shot a grouse, and had a campfire near sunset. After the campfire family time we all went back into the cabin to sleep. While the kids slept in the sidebed my waifu and I decided to do "the do" instead of getting some sleep. After we had done "the do" and the whole cabin interior got covered in sexual juices we both heard a noise. It sounded like a beep boop bop. My waifu and I quickly cleaned ourselves off and put on clothes. Unfortunately I had put on her clothes she and she put on mine. That did not matter as we shook our heads and headed out. Only a few meters away, out on the lakeside, stood three meter tall mechanical creatures. My waifu and I hid in the bushes and listened in on their conversation. "EVER SINCE WE HAVE BEEN INSTALLED ON EARTH WE HAVE MADE SEVERAL DISTRACTIONS FOR THE HUMANS SUCH AS ISIS, BLACK LIVES MATTER, AND SHITTY TUMBLR BLOGS." One of them croaked out. "YES. THIS IS PERFECT. OUR INVASION IS ABSOLUTE. WHILE AMERICA IS BUSY DEBATING ON WHETHER OR NOT PAINT IS A GENDER AND HOW TO INTERPRET THE QURAN, WE'VE BUILT UP AN ARMY," a second one croaked out then coughed, "WE'LL DESTROY AMERICA AND TAKE OVER, THEN THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL THINK AMERICA WERE ALIENS THE WHOLE TIME THUS RUINING AMERICA'S REPUTATION! EVIL LAUGH!!" "BUT SIR, AMERICA WILL BE DESTROYED, THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN RUINING ITS REPUTATION." One of the machines retorted. "QUIET, MINIONBOT#34 TYPE-VI, THE REST OF US WANT TO BASK IN THIS GLORIOUS PLAN." The bot that seemed to be their leader turned to the first bot. "NOW MINIONBOT #18 TYPE-XXV, PREPARE THE AMERICA DESTROYING MISSILE!" My waifu and I huddled together. I cried into her bosom. I cried at the thoughts of these robots trying to ruin America's reputation. I cried at the thought of my country's reputation being ruined. I looked up from her 2-dimension breasts and saw pure godliness. My waifu and those damned bots also looked at it. A knight. A knight that wore hardened scabs of blood of his enemies as his armor. A knight that had three, glowing black eyes; one eye to check out hot babes, one eye to see if the food he's going to eat is any good, and another eye to make him look badass as fuсk. In one hand he wielded a sword, the blade made of the bones of an elephant and the handle made of the bones of a bear. "SHIT FUСK MC-COCKBITES, IT IS OUR WORST ENEMY, THE KNIGHT OF UNFUСK." A bot croaked out. "HOLD ON BOIZ, I GOT THIS." A bot ran to punch the knight. The bot, instead, got sliced in two; twice. "DAMMIT. I GUESS WE HAVE GOTTEN REKT." "Indeed," the Knight of Unfuсk said, "first, I'll beat the shit out of you bots and then I'll shut down the America Destroying Missile." "NO. WE HAVE BEEN FOILED." The Knight of Unfuсk quickly destroyed the bots then flew away to wherever they kept the America Destroying Missile. And on that night my waifu and I slept in the underbrush with the thoughts of the Knight of Unfuсk still fresh in our heads.