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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by An Engram Full Of Bees: 8/25/2016 5:24:50 AM
255

Read this if you're bored.

So this is in response to a question posted a little while ago: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/211416232/0/0 [quote]What do you think your guardians do when you're offline?[/quote] Who knows? Maybe they hang out at the Tower. Maybe they have a dance party. Maybe they even go out and do a raid, and then delete all the gear they get so we never find out about it. That 335 Ghost you've been looking for? Joke's on you. Your Hunter found one while doing Challenge of the Elders a week ago. Maybe he deleted it out of spite for all the times you made him repeatedly crouch on a fellow dead guardian's body? Maybe [i]all three[/i] of your characters are plotting to ruin your preparations of Rise of Iron. Look at your vault. Now back at me. Now back at your vault. Now back at me. How many Strange Coins did you see? How many Strange Coins did you think you had beforehand? If I'm not mistaken, you had three more Strange Coins the last time you logged on. And now? They're gone. So the real question is, who do you blame it on? Your Warlock? Your Titan? Or do you go for the easy target and peg it on your Hunter? That sly bastard has always been eyeing those little puppies. You always take your Warlock into Trials of Osiris, which means [i]she[/i] gets to keep the Passage Coins. Is it so wrong that the Hunter merely wants a few coins of his own? Go to your Hunter's inventory. I dare you. [b]WHAT'S THAT?![/b] Just as I thought. The Strange Coins aren't there. And you're now left with a horrible 3D model of your Hunter looking at you through your little smartphone screen, judging you for your actions. You racist. You make me sick. You make him sick. He's now ashamed to be your guardian. You're now left with three missing Strange Coins and a character who hates your guts. Who knows? Maybe he'll break the chains of reality and stab you in your sleep one day. But that's no concern for now; we still need to find your Strange Coins. There's no turning back. There's only one character left: Your Titan. That's right. That fat f*ck. He'll eat anything he can get. He's probably the one who's been eating your Wormspore reserves every week. For all you know, he's already eaten the Strange Coins. So you go into his inventory. You scroll through the stacks upon stacks of Blackwax and Ether Seeds he carries for the road. But there's something strange; or [i]not[/i] strange. Why? [b]BECAUSE THE STRANGE COINS AREN'T THERE![/b] Congratulations, Desticle, you have now blamed your Titan for no reason other than his obesity. You should be ashamed of yourself. Think about Piggy. From Lord of the Flies. Poor little shit got his brains bashed in after falling off a cliff. He didn't deserve it. He just wanted to find his glasses. That Titan? He wanted your love and respect. And you knocked him down to the ground; turned his Ward of Dawn into a Ward of Dusk. What's more is that you betrayed his trust.... ....Betrayal.... ....Trust.... [b]DEAR GOD IT ALL MAKES SENSE![/b] You go back to your character screen. You click on your Warlock.... Error 404? [b]F*CK![/b] You throw your smartphone across the room. It hits your mother in the face. She drops the pan of fresh cookies made just for you all over the floor. You'll get the belt for that, but it's going to have to wait. You sprint through the house and grab your laptop in your bedroom. You open it and immediately go to Google Chrome to find the Destiny site. Luckily for you, you're a professional. You've got that shit favorited, like the little fanboy (fangirl) you know you are. You open your Warlock's inventory, and you're speechless. There they are. Three strange coins. You think about yourself as a human being. How could you do this? You alienated two of your characters only to find out that it was the third one all along. You gaze at your Warlock, and she gazes back at you. You're about to smash your computer when all of a sudden [b]AGH![/b] Wha-What is this?! What's this feeling?! You look down and see a knife protruding from your stomach. This is no ordinary knife; it's a Hunter knife. You turn around and there he is, standing in the doorway. Your Hunter. Back for revenge. He must've escaped from your smartphone when you threw it at your mother.... It hurts. Blood spews from the wound. But you lie down on your bed. You knew this was coming. You knew you deserved this. The Hunter smiles. The Warlock smiles. Downstairs on your phone, the Titan smiles. Then it hits you. It all makes sense. It wasn't just the Warlock. It was never just the Hunter. The Titan? He's too stupid, he couldn't have done any of it on his own. You hit yourself in the head because you now realize the truth; it was all apart of the plan. You failed your characters, and they took advantage of it. Congratulations, you pissed off a fictional space cowboy with a flaming hand cannon and let him into the real world. Now he's standing in your bedroom. You look up at him and ask for a cigarette. Why? Because it's emotional, that's why. Like two enemies bonding before one of their deaths. The Hunter shrugs. You idiot. It's a T rated game. Why the f*ck would he have a cigarette? You hit yourself in the face again. So stupid. You can't believe you fell for their plot. The Hunter raises his Golden Gun and fires; the solar bullet flies through the air, piercing your chest. It burns, but not as much as knowing that you were betrayed. Your eyelids fall down heavy, and as you feel the life leave your body you say one last thing to the Hunter. "O.... P...." You close your eyes completely, and slump over onto the ground. It's over. You're dead. But that's when it happens: you wake up in front of your TV. You're waiting in orbit; you were kicked for inactivity. It was just a dream. Thank GOD! But you think about the dream, and all that happened. Out of curiosity, you open your Hunter's inventory. And what do you find? .........Why are you asking me? Go turn on your console and find out. [b][i]-------------------------[/i][/b] [b]Edit:[/b] Read this if you're [i]REALLY[/i] bored. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/211680640/0/0

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  • That was great! [spoiler]Salami :^)[/spoiler]

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  • Thanks for this.. been having a bad day at work and I needed a good laugh.

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    • My Hunter walks around trying to catch something other than a damn Pidgey.

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    • That was awesome. Thank you for the laughs.

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      • I feel like my Titan would either go ham in the Crucible or re-conquer the entire solar system. My Hunter would probably be out and about in the tower, while my Warlock is getting butt--blam!-ed by players in PVP and literally everything in PVE.

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      • Can you narrate my life, please? [spoiler]OP for Ghost 2k16[/spoiler]

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      • So this explains why my drive through order is rarely accurate =/

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      • Lol. I haven't gotten a laugh that good in a while. You my good Sir have just won the internet

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      • 170th comment

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      • Probably go back to the tower a take a dump. Not all guardians are willing to wipe their ass with leaves like Hunters out in the field.

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      • Bump

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      • Haha ;)

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      • Edited by VibeMaster: 8/22/2016 5:04:22 PM
        [quote]You throw your smartphone across the room. It hits your mother in the face. She drops the pan of fresh cookies made just for you all over the floor. You'll get the belt for that, but it's going to have to wait.[/quote] 😂

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      • You should write grimoire cards for Bungie. This definitely explains why I haven't gotten vex mythoclast... I HAVE! Just while I'm offline and then one of my characters deletes it. Hhhmmm... Bet the warlock gets the Vex mythoclast in an attempt to pacify my ravings about it never dropping. Then my Titan steals it for the Hunter (I main a warlock and they are jealous). Then the Hunter deletes it in a primal rage. Sad Warlock. Sneaky Titan. Salty, salty Hunter.

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      • I read this in my first class on the first day of the semester and I can say your post is gold. Thanks for the entertainment :)

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        • Edited by Kittimu: 8/22/2016 4:48:08 PM
          Whoa! This is amazing! You put a link to my post! That explains my 36 notifications

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          • Funniest thing I read all week.

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          • 10/10 would upvote again

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          • Awesome post! I like the salami tag by the way lol

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          • But I thought Piggy got his brains bashed in cuz someone threw a huge rock at him

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            • See that's where you are wrong. Of course the warlock the hunter and the titan could have pulled this all of but you fail to see one thing. Who was the one who has been betraying your trust all this time. Giving you despair on and on? Yup the mastermind behind all this is no other than Rahool. Since you took away his power of turn legendary into rare engrams he has been plotting his revenge....

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              • My Titan does guard duty in the tower. He's been suspended for active duty for being part of a no good cheese class in the Crucible. My warlock studies in the tower. I let her out recently for IB and to have her stretch her legs, but she'll return to her cloister soon. My main hunter spends her off time in the wild. There's a little cave in Venus where she hangs her cape while not decorating the place with creations made out of Vex scraps.

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              • they just hang out in the tower or their ships and play video games. i like to think they are playing a futuristic version of halo or a MMO while hanging out. doing there own raids and stuff lol

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              • I would say my Warlock studies the Darkness, Similar to Toland. He has been suspended from the active archives of the city and can only come in for important business. [spoiler]I.E working for the Vanguard, Faction Business, Bounties, Et Cetera. And a quick note, In my personal sort of 'AU' my Warlock is from a completely different world, And woke up in the VoG when Kabr and his team assaulted it. And as such, I like to imagine he has a Vex prosthetic arm. His main goal is to gain the power of a Hive God through the Sword Logic.[/spoiler] My Hunter stalks the Moon, Gathering info on the Hive and Exile's, And then decorating her ship with about anything she can find. [spoiler]She's a hoarder. But by the way, I like to imagine the ships are about the size of a small/medium house. Her ultimate goal is to maybe reach peace between the Fallen and the City, Despite how unrealistic it seems every day. But considering how the Exiles have worked with Guardians before[Even if it ended in betrayal.] she hopes to heal the relationship between them, And live a life with the Fallen.[/spoiler] My Titan runs guard duty in the Tower and the Last City, And in his spare time does whatever jobs the New Monarchy would like him to do. [spoiler]He's a political Ideologue, And believes the New Monarchy is quite literally the only way to go. He was in the Faction wars before he was killed, His new Ghost replaced the old and brought him back. It gave him a new outlook on life, And he plans to try and make the Tower somewhere not only of a meeting place, But the ultimate fortress. He believes the Fallen MIGHT be trustworthy but doubts it. Has sort of a Genocidal outlook on the Darkness, Something which the Hunter shuns.[/spoiler]

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              • 3 strange coins? More like 300, spaghetti face hasn't sold anything worth a coin in 5 months.

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                • 10/8 would masturbate again

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