Ta'aurc: Hi, I'm Valu Ta'aurc, here to interview Malok, Pride of Oryx. You're the newest strike boss, correct?
Malok: Yes, yes. It feels good to be more than just a random target on patrol, honestly.
T: What made you want to be a strike boss in the first place, Malok?
M: I don't know. I just felt like I could be so much more than another Hive prince. I missed the call for the Crota's End Raid, see, and then the higher ups thought I wasn't 'well suited' to Kingsfall. I even filled out applications for Court of Oryx, but was rejected on the grounds of 'lacking a challenging gimmick.'
T: So what did you do?
M: The only thing I could do: become a strike boss! Best. Decision. [b]Ever.[/b] I even got voice acting about me!
T: Yes. Now, what would you say if I told you that you're the worst strike boss in the game?
M: I would... am I really? My strike itself is fun, though, right?
T: Sorry, bud. Your strike is no good.
M: Really? I put my heart and soul into it!
T: Your strike starts out in the Summoning Pits. That's just a rehash of the opening to the Archon Slayer. That was a nice mission, Malok. The Archon Slayer knew his stuff. He had the first turret outside of the Crucible, you know.
M: What? You thought my opening was unoriginal?
T: Duh! Then you force guardians to unlock a door while fighting off waves of Hive. Hello, can you try to say 'I want to Phogoth' any clearer than that?
M: But it worked for Phogoth!
T: Yes, because Phogoth was interesting. Which is your next problem.
M: What? I'm not interesting? I'm the last big Hive leader after Oryx died! I am the Guardians' last big hurdle in Taken King! They should fear me! I'm freaking interesting!
T: You seem to be from the school of 'bigger bad-guy is a better bad-guy' that me and that Archon Priest are from. However, people love to hate me and the Archon Priest has that awesome pile section and a sufficient challenge. You're just... you.
M: I'm interesting! I created the blight! I did evil experiments and the like!
T: Evil experiments we never saw! Do we see you throughout your strike like Taniks? Do people develop a hatred of you through the course of the story that makes beating you satisfying, like Omnigul? Do you have a great atmosphere, like Alak-Hul?
M: No... no. But I wasn't going for that. I was sort of going for nostalgia, honestly. Make people remember what they loved about vanilla, with a new Taken twist.
T: I don't get that vibe. I get the 'I want to be the new Phogoth' from you. And your fight! It's so cliche! You're like a badder version of the Sol Progeny from my Taken strike! Is 'shadow touched' really the gimmick you want? It worked on the pillars. It doesn't work for you.
M: But... but... but I switch tactics! I change my style up! The Shield Bros do it too, and people love them!
T: Yes, your [i]five[/i] Centurion orbs are very impressive. And your minions are underwhelming. Maybe you should stop calling them minions; studies show that that improves efficiency by 23%. Just ask my 'Cabal Circle of Friends.'
M: But did you like my strike's environment? Really great, the new Taken twist on the moon? Take what's familiar and make it creepy, that's on rig the rules of horror. Hehe. 'Take.' [i]Taken. [/i]
T: No. No! I don't think people want familiar; we didn't want to do Shrine of Oryx again. We didn't get to see military might like in my strike, places that tug on the imagination like the Hanging Crypts of Alak-Hul's strike and dig site of the Mind Nexus'.
M: That's very hurtful. You're very hurtful. I put time and effort into my strike! We got voice acting and everything, which is more than I can say for the Sleeper Stimulant quest.
T: And your voice acting! Eris? Come on, you couldn't get Cayde? You know what your one redeeming feature is?
M: No. I don't want to. I just want to soak in some blight and drink someone's fear right now.
T: You have a decently cool helmet. Anyways, thanks for coming out here Malok. We've got a gift basket for you in the lobby.
T: Let's hear it for Malok, the Pride of Oryx. Oryx, your standards are quite low. Really let things slip after Crota died.
[i](That's a rant out of the way. I really dislike Blighted Chalice, but wanted to make my complaint kind of funny. Hope I didn't waste anyone's time.) [/i]
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That exploding head thing...why?