Bump

Alright, here's act two of the same campaign where I was a bird rogue who was captured by slavers. Here's the party this time: [spoiler]-Me still, a tengu rogue who now owns a Colt Army revolver thanks to the disembowelment of one of the slavers. -That whale-dragon-man Mage from before. -The vigilante combat bard -A phantom who inhabits two swords when not playing (or avoiding trouble). He can also control the swords with a flute he carries. -a half half-elf, half half-Orc fighter, daughter of a character from a previous campaign on that setting. In a relationship with the Mage. -a cleric with a revolver shotgun working as a security officer for some reason or another. (He appears for the finale)[/spoiler] So shortly after freeing ourselves from the slavers, our heroes managed to find the mayor of the small town! Turns out he wasn't kidnapped (kinda), he just wanted to meet with his estranged father (who also wanted to meet with him), and he couldn't leave the office. The slavers were just meant to escort him there and ended up being a bit extreme in their methods. Eventually we convinced the family to get back together and starting going back to the town with them, only to find the entire town missing. The location was exact, but there was nothing there but the Hedge Wizard who lived in what I think was the only tree in the town (oh, and by hedge wizard I mean an an ancient wizard who's power apparently can rival some gods). The Hedge Wizard told us that the town was not only physically missing but apparently also missing on a planar level. Our Mage blamed himself (and the character played by the DM's wife, the town's toll-taker) for this because he was tricked into taking something from the Hedge Wizard's home, so he decided he'd help fix it. The rest of our party ended up having their own reasons to help with the finding the town, so a new quest began. The goal here was to find a large sum of mana cores so that the Hedge Wizard could use them to hopefully find the town and then move it back into place. The only large enough source was discovered by the party of a previous campaign in the universe, who were doing so for the survey-takers of Willforge (the flying city). So we went there, found out mana-cores like the color purple (that was the survey apparently), and had our best lead stolen out from under us by what may be the only existing example of a gender-bent Carmen Sandiego. Our bard also got insulted by either the Mage or the fighter and so stormed off to drink himself into a stupor. So after learning how many party members suffered from having dead family members/ loved ones thanks to things the bard did while drunk, we all had a night's ready and spent the next day chasing our only lead on the thief. At this point I'm going to end this post and start working on a part two.

I'll have to find my notebooks after I get off work today, then I can tell some stories. So bump for later pls

Alright, here's the story of Lupus Calamari, the character who destroyed 3 campaigns and over 20 pc's. Before I start this story I should mention that I don't play actual dnd. I play a variant of it called GURPS, which is similar but with more character customization and my group didn't use maps. My friend decided to gm a grimdark medieval campaign in a strange castle, so most of the group rolled with Knights and spearmen, while i ran a buffing cleric. We had: half-elf archer with kleptomania, Orc spearman with negative iq (I still don't know how he got the gm to agree with that one...), and a knight, nothing really special about him. We enter this castle after 3 hours of the gm trying to get us to explore some random stuff before we get to the actual story, and immediately encounter an Eldritch abomination. The Orc and the archer fail their sanity checks and go temp insane, while I frantically buff the knight and try to heal him. The abomination (that we can't even look at) hits the knight for 3d6 and instant-kills him. I decide to play dead, but I get killed. About 2 hours and 8 total deaths into that fight, the archer (now running a glass cannon sorcerer) rage quits and the rest of us follow suit. I was awake for most of the night delving into the deepest depths of munchkining and minmaxing to create this... Thing. Essentially I created a tank knight with a magic weapon (unbreakable, holy, returns to hand at will, bonus fire damage) and a few... Strategic disadvantages. He was a kleptomaniac, claustrophobic, hemophiliac zealot. But here's where I started laughing maniacally: [i]whenever one of his disadvantages came into play, he transformed into a [b][u]freaking werewolf![/u][/b][/i] [spoiler]he also had serendipity, which allows you to escape death or just have insane luck, and widgets, which lets you pull any item out of your pockets, but we'll come to that later...[/spoiler] Needless to say the abomination died in seconds, along with our Mage (first pc kill). I will continue this story in the comments later. Edit: parts 2 and 3 are in the comments now, and I am posting part 4 later.

I've never played DnD but I hear a lot bout it

We got anally -blam!- by trees because the fm was fed up with our shit. My friend seduced EVERYTHING even a door blocking our path (it worked) I attempted to -blam!- up EVERYTHING

Ok.... We were at a game con in Los Angeles, guessing it was mid 80s. They frowned on recreational chemistry on the floor back then, so we headed up to the room for some Call of Cthulhu. Kerie was GM'ing, about 6 of us in the group. One of our buddies, Robert, was playing as a former vaudeville performer who did an animal act, somebody (can't remember the character's name) and Skippy the Wonder Dog. Skippy was an older dog now, but Robert was so proud of Skippy. Since he wasn't part of the actual game play, he was just a story aid, and Skippy could do anything. For the next 4 hours, Skippy was the running gag with his wondrous and meaningless exploits. Ok, now we're getting to a tense moment, some monster or another is rising out of pool at the base of some waterfall, and we're trying to cast a barrier spell on a rope downstream. And no one can get the rope across the freaking river. One of these things, the rope we had was too heavy or something, much arguing about how hard it is to throw a rope, blah blah, but it's not happening. But.... we can throw a stick across. What if.... yeah, what if we tie the rope to Skippy, throw the stick across, and tell him to fetch? That might work. So, in a long and tedious process that only people who have played table top RPGs will understand, the negotiations and arguing and dice rolling and arguing begin, and 30 minutes later we have a fleshed out Skippy the Wonder Dog. I think he was an Airedale. Regardless, Robert has this goofy, proud grin, his loyal and smart and talented dog is going to save the day. After several attempts, we throw the stick. 1/2

Alright, I'm just gonna give a story from the second campaign I ever played. First, here's the party as relevant to the situation: [spoiler]Me, a Tengu Rogue merely looking for a job. An orca-dragon-human mix with knowledge of a few magics. A human combat bard, known for his vigilantism.[/spoiler] Our "heroes" were in a highly-advanced flying city, trying to find information on the mayor of one of the tiny (but strange) towns that surround it's landing zone. All we know was that he was kidnapped by bandits who seem to be planning to sell him to slavers, and that the city in question had a slave trade and a person in charge of the market in that area. So we decided to go ask the Market Boss. The headquarters looked more like Shadowrun instead of D&D 3.5e with a hint of pathfinder. The bard forged some papers to make us look like we were from one of the other groups in the city, I think some faction of survey-takers. Because of that we managed to get in and meet the boss. Upon meeting her, the bard revealed that the papers were forged. Our party then began trying to their best to explain to her why we were there and why she shouldn't call the guards on us (alongside the bard's attempts to hit on her). She heard us out for a bit, but as it turns out she figured we'd be worth more if we were sold into slavery. Her derringer immediately splayed out our bard, knocking him out with some rubber bullets. Guards starting flowing in and the Mage started ripping into them with claws and magic. I rushed her to try and disarm her. I did manage to disarm her, but it turns out she's some crazy class called a moderator. She got to respond to my taking of her (empty) gun with a hammer out of nowhere that effectively froze me like I was having a connection issue in a multiplayer game (minus the auto-disconnect message). The Mage did his best to distract or dismember the guards (covering some of them in swarms of spiders) until a paladin came in and hit him with an energy sword set to stun. I got black-bagged before I could "reconnect". Our next session opened with us in the cages of the slavers.

Oh hell where do I begin? Ok so my group went to investigate some cave or something. One of our friends, he was a fighter I think, missed the session but said I could take over for him. Anyways, we get into this huge cave and goblins immediately swarm us and there are like 3 big bad bugbears. Apparently they were protecting some really important thing (I don't remember a god or something) so they're like super beefed up. Well we manage to take down a few goblins and two of the bug bears but we're still getting the shit beat out of us and we had no idea how much longer we would last. It was at that moment, when all hope seemed lost bane139 caretaker of his friend's fighter took up his d20 and cried "I seduce the bug bear!" Nat 20 So with the main aggro distracted we were able to mop up the remaining goblins and miraculously save our fighter from sexytime with a bugbear. Needless to say, I was never allowed to play any of his characters again... to his knowledge...

I've been wanting to try D&D for a while now but I have no earthly clue where to start. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.