Today, while I was driving home from my girlfriend's house, I had a thought. It was a thought i've had before, but never something I really focused much on. I was reflecting on my social ties, the people i've known, the people I still know, the people i've yet to know. However, my focus was primarily settled on the people i've drifted from over time. Those people I have known, but don't know anymore. I'm not sad when I wonder about those i've lost, to one degree or another, whether the tie was severed by time, distance, or something much more grim. I suppose the foremost feeling that I get, is curiosity. I look back on those people and wonder, "Where are you now?" Or, "Who are you now?" People change, the world changes, we change. That's just how it goes as time goes on, and people i've known in the past, that I found many years later, would seem like strangers for that very reason. A person I once knew as a friend, just isn't really a friend anymore. Maybe I changed too much, maybe they did, maybe both. But one way or another, the connection would be gone. Sometimes it would come back, although differently, and sometimes it wouldn't.
But I digress, as sometimes, there just wouldn't be a "next time". I'd lose contact with someone, and that'd be it. They may as well have dropped off the face of the earth from my perspective. I can think of no better an example than that of a friend I made in college, in a Medical Terminology class I was taking at the time. His name was Josh, and he looked normal enough, though he turned out to be a pretty odd guy. And I say that for a plethora of reasons that I won't get into for time's sake, but I think that's part of why we were fast friends. Friends of a feather flock together and all that. I only knew him for, say, roughly six months. But I had a lot going on in those six months, had a kid, lost a kid. It was an emotionally turbulent time, and he was always willing to serve as an emotional support, plus would keep me kept up on the work i'd miss when I was staying at the hospital. We'd joke about stupid things, discuss serious things, or just discuss what was going on in each others lives at the time. You know, things friends would do.
Anyway, he had his share of problems too, both socially and with...certain illegal substances. As time went on, he grew distant. We didn't have a class together anymore, our schedules would conflict. It'd just be difficult to find time to hang out. And, eventually, he ended up checking himself into a rehab facility. He only intended to stay a month, but that was the last I heard from him. His online social media disappeared, his number was shut down, and there was no trace of him at the place he checked into. He just...vanished. I kept his number for a while afterword, until I was clearing out my contact list. I ended up deleting it, since there was no point in keeping it, but it didn't stop me from wondering, "What happened to that guy?"
Again, it doesn't sadden me. However, until the day I forget that he ever existed, i'm always going to wonder where he disappeared to. And any memories I have, will always be echoes of the past.
[spoiler]If you took the time to read all that, congratulations! I hope it was worth it. If anything i've said here causes you any concern about me, I insist, don't allow it to. I'm content with the way my life has played out so far, but the past can still be an interesting thing to reflect on. And I suppose that's all this post really is. I wanted to reflect, and I wanted to post my reflection somewhere it could be seen. Maybe for the sake of external validation, perhaps to encourage other people to take a moment and think on the little things in life that tend to go unnoticed or forgotten. I don't truly know myself, to be honest, but if you have any reflections to make on this general subject, please feel free. We each have our own lives, our own stories. And each one is worth sharing, even if you might not think so.[/spoiler]
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I think the hardest part of living is in someway, the only certain truth of living. That truth being that one will have to let go. Over, and over and over again. Whether it's friendships, family, or even one's own life, a life is like the summation of everything that person has let go. A legacy is what one chose to hold closely to, refraining from letting go for as long as possible, and that which one let go is not remembered. I don't know. Since graduating, I've been just thinking of all of the friendships that I've been forced to unwillingly let go of. When I see them, I always say, "See you later!" but, I know I might, and probably won't see them again. Just the thought of being alone, even if for fleeting moment, is an astoundingly terrifying feeling. But the above was all just a stupid vent. In regards to the nature of how relationships change, I think we're all like pieces of wood floating in the sea, eventually the currents of our individual lives, and choices will move us farther and farther apart, until that piece of wood is just a blip on the horizon of our past.