The wait was rather long and pointless, but I could not sleep. Everything that was going on haunted me, every word that people said, every sneer, every laugh at me... my failure as a leader. I hadn't realized that my muscles was locked until the knock roused me from my day dreams. I forced myself to relax as Charles appeared and floated over to the door. "Yes who is it?" Charles asked, peeping through the look out glass. "The Speaker." The voice on the other side was calm and serene. "May I enter?" Charles paused and looked at me. I simply shrugged my shoulders and waited. Charles shook his shell sadly. "Yea sure, come on in." He moved away from the door as it opened slowly. The light of the day stung my eyes briefly before my HUD tinted to block it out. There in the door way stood the Speaker. His composed and quiet demeanor strolled into my room and shut the door quietly as he pulled up a chair and sat opposite of me. He let out a short sigh as he looked in my direction. "I am sorry for taking so long to get here. There were... pressing matters to attend to." He sat in a very formal way and moved very little, except for his hands on the occasion where they would otherwise be folded in his lap. I stayed silent and examined him. He waited a moment before continuing his speech. "Well... I am atleast glad to see that you and your team came back alive. Even Eli couldn't see what was going on, everything was static and..." He paused and gave a small chuckle. "I feel I might be chatting your ear off with an old man's nonsense. How are you feeling?" My voice was quiet and slurred slightly into mumbles. "Fine..." "Is that all?" "Yea... Fine..." I felt my body tighten in resentment as I slouched against the wall further. The Speaker seemed to catch on to this as he cleared his throat. "That's... good to hear at the very least." He nodded slightly and fell silent, not really knowing what to say which was very unlike him. "Well... Since you are still in the recovery phase..." He stood up slowly. "I should let you rest, no reason in me getting in your way." He slowly reached for the doorknob. "Am I useless?" The Speaker paused and looked back at me. I could tell that he seemed confused, he always wore his emotions on his sleeve whenever possible. "I'm sorry?" "Am I really useless?" Anger began to bubble in my voice. "Do I mean anything?" The Speaker thought for a moment. "No one is useless Josiah. Everyone has a purpose, whether it be for the Light, the Darkness, or whatever they feel is right. The odds were stacked against you, the signs pointed to you being dead." His voice grew eerily cold. "You should have died, all of you. The fact that you are alive means that you were meant for a purpose, one so grand that even the Darkness could not contain you..." His voice smoothed out slightly. "Or luck was on your side." "What's that supposed to mean?" I sat up. "Why don't you just be straight with me?!" "Because if I was, then I could not help you later. The world has a way of foiling every attempt we make at trying to correct our mistakes. No matter the intentions." He opened the door and his voice returned to its quiet self. "I care, Josiah. I care so much for you, for all of the Guardians, like if you were my own. I would never do anything to directly cause you harm... but everything says I can't. And I've moved past that... and found ways to help out that before I couldn't, as you must as well." He let out a long slow sigh. "Please heal swiftly, staying bed locked too long can be bad for the mind." He stepped out and shut the door quietly. Rage boiled as I let out a scream and slammed my fist into the wall, fracturing it like a thin spider web. For as much as he was the most 'useful' of us all, then how come he could not be more useful. My jaw clenched as I slammed my fist into the wall again. Everything was falling apart and nothing was being done. Certainly not by him. I sat back down and looked at my hands, remembering the faint memories of when the Speaker would take the time to simply talk to me, to everyone. Despite his uselessness, he made himself useful somehow... I sighed and flopped on my bed, listening to the quiet still that had settled in my room. The thoughts once again coming back to haunt me but at the same time, they had less impact, they were not as strong this time around as my mind was occupied with other things such as worth, purpose, and those words that echoed in my mind 'a purpose, one so grand even the Darkness could not contain you...' After some time I sat up and stretched, allowing my tired muscles to move somewhat. I stood up and opened the door. Time had apparently skipped because the moon hung high in the sky and there were only a few people out and about. I nodded and began to walk out as Charles appeared infront of me. "Oh no you don't! I know what you are going to do! Go rest!" "Charles... Let me just walk around for a bit..." He paused and considered this. "Alright but if I catch you peeping into any windows then we are going to talk." His core light up slightly out of his crude humor. I gave a brief smile under my helmet. "Yea sure buddy." I pushed him aside and slowly walked out of the barracks into the Tower hub. Everything seemed relatively calm as ships lazily drifted across the star lit sky and the Traveler hung low in the sky as it always had. I strolled towards the Vanguard Hall and slowly desended the steps. I walked past Eris, who was in a sitting meditative state, Arcite 99-40, who was currently cataloging the guns in his inventory and finally Cayde, who had his feet propped up on the table and a pencil in his mouth doing a crossword puzzle with a pair of fake glasses on his face. He looked in my direction. "You coming see if you can jump the length of the table or not?" "Um... no." "Really? It's a favorite past time when Zavala and Ikora aren't around." He grunted as he sat up and set his puzzle down next to a large stack of papers. "So what can I do ya for?" "Do you know where the training rooms are?" "Which ones? The dangerous ones, the really dangerous ones, or do you want the Salt and Rage room?" "The what?" "Its like a little playground that I set up for my boys, you would not believe how they can get so angry about things such as the new saftey regulation placed on their knives. Not... that I had anything to do with it..." He glanced about him suspiciously as if something was about to jump out at him. I gave a small sigh. "Just a regular one... I need to let off some steam." "Well I don't understand how beating up a fake object gets you satisfied. I'd prefer to ya know, smuggled stuff or go actually kill something but then again you aren't me so do as you wish." He waved his hand at an open door off to the side. "They are through that-a-ma-way." I gave a small nod. "Thanks Cayde." I began to walk in that direction. "Oh and ah I never saw you did I?" I shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. I heard him mutter something under his breath as Charles once again appeared by me. "You said you were just walking." "I still am." "But towards a place where you could hurt yourself!" "I can handle it." "Yea and see where that got us. Ya know we can't just..." When I regained my sight from the sudden blackout, I had grabbing Charles and yelled something nonsensical at him. He was crying furiously before he faded away. I stood dumbfounded for a few moments before I continued walking, letting my anger boil once more. I didn't need him right now, he wasn't of any help to me. But I was. And I was going to prove it. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/207650332/0/0 link to chapter 32 https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/208704133/0/0 link to chapter 34