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Fine. Here's demonic shit. *Mortar forms a shadow figure in a chair that levitates*
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"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" [i]The knight immediately starts attacking the shadow figure. Except...it's shadows. The hell?[/i]
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Shadow: dude, really? It's a different religion.
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"SILENCE, DEMON!"
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Mortar: Okay, gonna ignore that Shadow: this dude really your friend? He tries to expel me with Christ, though he swears loyalty to Gwyn. Hmm... Mortar: he's weird. Shadow: I see.
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"Ah, damn you. Got me there. Anyway...what now?"
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*The shadow figure dissipates* Well, we explore
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"Man, I do so love exploring..." [i]He holds out his arms.[/i] "All of this RUBBLE! Woohoo! This'll be fun!"
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Yeah, that's gonna be strange. *Mortar walks up the steps, one breaking, almost making him fall back, but he is quicker and gets to the top* Alright, your turn.
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"Well...just so it doesn't collapse..." [i]The knight starts running, and manages to leap up beside you, skipping the steps like a badass. I think.[/i]
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Okay... I could have easily dissolved at the foot of the steps, but where's the fun in that? *Mortar walks into a small bedroom, then spots a bathroom* Oh, thank God. Gimme a minute
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"R...really? Fine."
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*After a painful two minutes, Mortar gets out* I don't wanna talk about it
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[spoiler]Painful? Oh dear...[/spoiler] "I don't want to either."
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Yeah, let's just go
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"Sure thing, captain."
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*You enter what appears to be the master bedroom. A closet stands empty in the corner, a chest the only thing in it* Hey, what's that?
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"I'll...let you investigate that for us. This is pretty spooky, between crappy ceilings and bathroom breaks."
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You mean crappy bathrooms... *Mortar investigates the chest* Hmm...
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"Whatever it is." [i]The knight looks over at the chest, as if interested.[/i]
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You wanna see this? *Mortar beckons you over*
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"I guess, sure." [i]The knight looks into the chest.[/i]
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*Mortar puts something inside the lock, and the mold and moss comes off, the chest looking like new*
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"In before a jumpscare..."
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Relax man... *This effect spreads to the rest of the house, it looks brand new, the steps are no longer broken*