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Edited by Ghostfire239:
6/6/2016 3:33:33 AM
108
"BONES OF EAO"! THE SOLUTION TO THE UNIVERSE!
[b]Hunters[/b]! Are you [b]TIRED[/b] of using [b]TRIPLE JUMP[/b]!? Did [b]YOU[/b] just recently discover "[b]BETTER CONTROL[/b]"!? Are you [b]TIRED[/b] of watching [b]TITANS[/b] go [b]FASTER[/b] than [b]YOU[/b]!? Are [b]TIRED[/b] of losing every race to your [b]TITAN SKATING [/b]friend!? Well then this exotic is [b]PERFECT [/b]for [b]YOU[/b]!! FROM THE COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU [b][i]"PEREGRINE GGGRRRRREEEAAAAAAVVVEEESSSSS"[/i][/b]
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b][/i]
EVER WANTED TO BE [b]SANIC[/b]!?
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b][/i]
WANNA KNOW WHAT'S IT'S LIKE TO BE A TITAN, WARLOCK AND HUNTER [b]HYBRID[/b]!?
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b] [/i]
PESKY SNIPER ON THE [b]OTHER SIDE [/b]OF THE MAP!?
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b][/i]
YOUR STUPID ASS TEAMMATES KEEP TAKING THE SPARK BEFORE [b]YOU[/b] CAN GET TO IT!?
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b][/i]
YOUR STUPID ASS TEAMMATES KEEP TAKING THE HEAVY AMMO BEFORE [b]YOU[/b] CAN GET TO IT!?
[i][b]BONES OF EAO![/b][/i]
YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKES THE ROCK MORE THAN SHE LIKES [b]YOU[/b]!?
[b][i]BONES O[/i][/b]-...Nah there's really nothing you can do in that case...sorry....
CALL 1-777-777-7777 TO GET YOUR BONES OF EAO TODAY! BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! IF YOU CALL NOW WE'LL THROW IN "THE ROCK"! TITANS AND WARLOCKS WILL [b][u]HATE YOU[/u][/b] AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL [b][u]LOV[/u][/b]-...No She'll still be in love with The Rock...Sorry...Again...
[b][i]BONES OF EAO!![/i][/b]
[i]Must be Level 18 or higher to order.[/i]
[spoiler][i]Bones of Eao are not responsible for any damage to: Head, Arms, Torso, Legs, Relationships, and/or Emotions.[/i] [/spoiler]
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11 RepliesThose are nice but... [spoiler] What if all you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THESTRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE ZERO F***S ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL F*** THEM UP! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT AND MURDERING THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU---wait, shit...THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGY GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES [/spoiler]
