I already know I'm going to be called edgy and angsty for this but I don't care. I'm going to be using this thread as a way to vent a bit. There's been a lot going on and I just needed to let some of them out. The Monster: I'm scared. Sacred of a monster. A monster I see every minute of every day. A monster that scares me because I know it all too well, yet not well enough. A monster that exists to ruin and destroy. A monster that will keep fighting even when I stop. A monster that's scared of me. It's claws aren't sharp, nor its teeth deadly. It isn't evil, it's trying to survive. It's doing its best to keep going. I am unsure of where the monster ends and I begin. All I know is that I cannot survive without this monster, and I cannot control it. Am I the monster? It feels like my mind is split into separate beings. The weakest of them being me. The real me. The sad, lonely, quiet, shy, inquisitive part of me that holds me together. But that's not the me you know. You know the loud, sarcastic, opinionated me who doesn't have a care in the world. Sometimes, that is the real me, but usually, it's just a facade to hide this fragile heart and mind. And then there's a third being. The one I have no control over... That's the monster. If I am sad or scared it takes over. I have no way of stopping it. It is as much a part of me as I am. It is how I can exist. It is how I can lie, cheat, and steal. It is how I can do these things, no matter how guilty I will feel afterwards. I cannot stop it. It is the embodiment of my fear, rage, and impulse. That is why I am scared, not because of what I have done, but because of what I will do. But what is this monster really? It feels like a beast hiding within my own skin and bones. But maybe that's wrong, maybe it isn't another part of me, maybe it's just me. What if this "monster" is nothing more than a scapegoat to make up for my actions, a way of rationalizing my irrational actions. Is that is the case, then I truly am the monster. If I am this monster I fear so much, I must be stopped before I do something. Don't let me hurt anyone. Don't let me do anything. I already have enough regrets, I don't think I can handle any more. [spoiler]I'm sorry for posting this, I just really need to let this out.[/spoiler]Thank you for your time. Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this much support. I only posted it because I needed to let a bit of stress out, and keeping it to myself wasn't helping with that. But seeing all these people who genuinely wanted to help me out has really been a good feeling. You guys have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you for all the support.