Hey OonaDracomagus, I think the issue is the maturity level of the kids you're running into while pubbing. I'm a member of an adult oriented clan founded by a woman. We have multiple women in the clan. We are all friends and respect one another, and we have a lot of fun playing this game together. We are like a family.
At the end of the day, it's just people. Everyone is different. Relationships aren't easy. You need to find the right group of people you want to spend time with. You can't just push a button and have the perfect clan relationship. It takes work and it takes time, but I'm sure there is a group of people out there you and your girlfriend can feel at home with.
If you're interested, check us out... https://www.bungie.net/en/Clan/Detail/1419534
We're always looking for members who are adults and love playing this game and enjoy each others company. You guys sound like you might be a perfect match for us.
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