Well since we’re on the subject of “mishaps” we’ve had at Startec Labs. (Seriously, it’s getting like this is a miniseries on the history channel) We thought we’d tell you about the time we decided that it was a good idea to use one of our most pointless inventions, the time portal. To go back to the 1950’s and introduce HD television to the world! Yes, the “ASSHAT-O-Vision” was a HD TV that beamed a 2-D holographic images straight into your living room, in stunning Technicolor. So why haven’t you heard of it? (continued below) ================================================================================ [quote]“[i]This week at Bungie we unleashed the April Update[/i].”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] To hoards of glowing and raving reviews!...Err wait a sec, do we have a publication ban on this or something? [quote][i]“Over the past month, we’ve said a lot about how we intended to infuse your Guardian lifestyle with new content and gear.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] So we use the term “New” very liberally, it’s just like how a used car is “New” to you! Except in this case it isn’t because you already have owned that particular car. [quote][i]“It was nice to finally shut up and listen to the sweet anecdotes that flow from your own personal battles.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]If you can’t say anything nice, it’s best to say nothing at all! [quote][i]“That’s when we love you the most – when you’re discovering new things.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] But we may just love you a little bit more if you bought a “Sterling Treasure Chest” or two. [quote][i]“As with every update to a live game, there were a few results that we didn’t expect. We’ll dig into the issues we’re addressing and the solutions we’re contemplating below.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]You can blame Luke Smith, he’s our jolly bearded scapegoat! [quote] [i]“First, though, here’s a lovely parade of Guardians enjoying their newfound riches”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Okay so everyone pretty much got all the stuff on the first day, and had enough time leftover to take a picture of it. [quote][i]“For some of you, the Postmaster failed to keep our promise about Sterling Treasure boxes. You should get one of them each week, just for checking in with that sometimes-helpful robot. If you have not, we’re on the case.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*: [/b]The Postmaster is the Sweeper bots cousin, and let’s just say they are both a little low on the CPU processing power. [quote][i]“Our intention is to deliver the missing boxes to those of you who missed them. We’re working on a plan to deploy a fix that should do just that (and prevent it from happening again) before the next weekly reset. Pardon the cliffhanger, but we promise to circulate more information when we can guarantee it.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Or you could just buy one from Tess, and see what’s all the fun you’re missing out on…EH, EHHH? [quote][i]“Either way, our intention is that you’ll all get what’s coming to you (and we mean that in a completely non-threatening way).”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Or do we? …Only time will tell SUCKERS! [quote][i]“In related news, Variks and Shaxx have both been successful in delivering Sterling Treasure boxes to those Guardians who are answering their respective challenges.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Which will be much harder next week, after we nerf all the guns and amp up all the bosses....again. [quote][i]“Play those weekly featured Crucible playlists and take a dive into the Level 41 Prison of Elders. Moral to the story?”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Ha trick question, you first need a story to have a “Moral to the story” Suckerz! [quote] [i] “Never send a bot to do a job that belongs to a sentient creature.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Actually the true hero of Destiny is the Sweeper Bot! As he quietly sweeps all the salt left over from all the tears of past Guardians. =========================================================================== Well you see in order to not completely break the space time continuum we decided that we had to use parts and materials available in 1957. Which unfortunately resulted in a product that was slightly err let’s say Radioactive. The ASSHAT-O-Vision emitted radiation levels that were deemed unsafe even by 1957 standards. In fact it was so bad that ironically if everyone was a real person in our concept art (Pictured above) they would have all died slow antagonizing deaths within a week or two from radiation poisoning. The worst part though, is when we turned on the prototype. It jammed all the Airforces radar systems on the West Cost, from the Yukon to Mexico. Plummeting the country into Defcon 2. The Federal Aviation Administration fined us $2000, and the U.S.NRC ordered us to dispose of the device. Which lucky for us the standards were pretty lax in 1957, and we buried it in some guys abandoned pool. [i][/i]