originally posted in:Valmredia
Foundation of Valmredia.
“The teachings of the Ancient Kubura are nothing but a myth.” – Revlano Kert, Kubura Duradate, Order 291
Chapter 1:
Hans -
A dark mist descended on Akron, a small town in the forests in Karnel. Not many people knew about the forests, most associated Karnel with the pastures mixed with sand. Mist was always a bad sign in the forest.
Hans opened his eyes drowsily and yawned. How long had he been sleeping? After rubbing his eyes, he stood up and looked outside to see nothing but fog.
Great, mist again. Well, I better get to work.
A little begrudgingly, he grabbed his coat and made his way into the cold mist outside. Disorientated by his obstructed vision, he stumbled around while putting his coat on. Hans squinted and picked up the pace. He sub-consciously reached into his coat pocket and felt his curved Krevada blade. Up ahead, he could see the outline of a medium sized person that appeared to be wearing a jet black cloak. He stepped forward and drew his blade, concealing it by his side in his coat. “Hey you! What’s going on?” he shouted. The figure chuckled softly, in a manner that spooked Hans. “Oh… You don’t recognize me?” the figure said in a feminine voice as she turned slowly. When the mysterious girl was fully turned, Hans’ heart stopped. On the left shoulder of her cloak bore the emblem of the hated Kubura, the “peace keepers” of Valmredia. Upon closer inspection, the three slashes underneath the logo identified the girl as a Kubura Danen, a senior Kubura in charge of twenty Kubura underlings. The most intriguing thing about this girl however, was her facial expression she was giving Hans. Her long, brown hair was tucked behind her hood and she was smiling menacingly at Hans, her white teeth only trumped in aggression by her red eyes.
Something about her seemed very familiar…
“Alice? Alice Grevand?” Hans squinted into the mist. If she was who he thought she was, this was bad news for everyone in Akron. The girl’s grin widened even more, “Oh look, you DO remember me! I knew you would,” she said without missing a beat. “Look, Alice, I don’t know what you’re doing here, but I don’t have the time to deal with you.” Alice tilted her head slightly to her left, as if amused. “Are you choosing to ignore me, a Kubura official?” Her smile faded as she spoke, “You really are dumber than I thought Hans, you should really re-take some of those survival classes in Akron you’re your father Marvo speaks so highly of. At least while he was still alive.” She smirked, shrugged, and took a step forward. Hans countered by taking one back. “There’s no point in drawing this out any longer, now that you’ve seen me here I can’t let you leave,” she spoke calmly and revealed a standard Kubura assault baton, a short metal piece that had built in explosives on the tip that detonated upon impact, from her cloak. As she raised the device above her head, Hans braced himself to charge. He knew his ancient blade and cloak would do little to stop the blow from a weapon that had enough power to stop an elephant in its tracks, but he planted his back foot anyway.
Suddenly, a shot rang out from the fog. A faint whizzing went past Hans’ ears and Alice cried out in surprise as the weapon was torn from her hand.
‘Nice shooting…’ Hans thought as he stood in shock. Alice screamed as the baton connected with the ground and a blinding flash caused Hans to momentarily lose sight of her. When his vision returned moments later, all evidence of her was gone.
Footsteps approached from behind him. He swung around, only to find himself face to face with a very tall man dressed in Valmredian battle armor, his face covered by a face plate on his green camouflage helmet. The man’s helmet flashlight, located two inches above his right eye, was on. It was almost as blinding as the explosion was. “Hey uh… Do you mind?” Hans gestured at the light with one hand while shielding his eyes with the other. The man complied, shutting off the light.
“So uh… You from the Valmredian Freedom Army?” Hans asked nervously. The man responded with a short nod. Hans felt relief, but at the same time, fear. What if the Kubura came back? Where did Alice go? “My name is Hans. What’s yours?” said Hans. “My name is Apex.” The man had a metallic voice that was deepened by his faceplate on his helmet. “Apex huh? How’d you get that code-name? You climb the highest on the ropes in boot camp or something?” Apex stared back at him for a moment, then said,” We must get moving, or else the enemy will find us.” As if to prove his point, footsteps echoed through the fog far off, and voices yelling in Kubaran broke the otherwise peaceful atmosphere. “You’re absolutely right.” Hans was inclined to believe Apex. “I live just up the road. You’re more than welcome to spend a night or two over if you need a place to stay.”
Apex nodded his head in thanks. Hans quickly slipped the blade back into his coat. He was glad he didn’t end up having to use it. “Let’s get going shall we? Follow me.” Hans glanced one last time where Alice once stood, now a burned remains of the forest floor were left in the wake of the explosive baton’s destruction. ‘Better her than me’ Hans rationalized as he stepped back into the mist towards his house, Apex close behind him.
Ronan -
Ronan was irritated. No, he was furious. The Kubura Scouts he sent to Akron had returned, only to report their target, Elder Erik, was nowhere to be found. If only he had more Duradates at his disposal he could have completed his assignment, but the only one under his command was busy with higher-ups back in Cheveron, the biggest Kubura controlled city anywhere in Valmredia. None of it mattered now anyways, the sun had risen and the mist had left the town; there were too many people outside that would take notice of his team’s activities to get it done discreetly. He angrily bashed his hand against the dining table he sat at.
A couple seats down, Alice looked up as she munched on fish delicacies from the farming region of Brenton. “What’s on your mind?” Alice asked as she continued chomping down on a Nadderfish. Ronan looked like he just came out of a daze. He smiled coldly and said calmly “Nothing at all my dear. Are your wounds healed yet? I heard from Kazam you took quite the blow. From your own weapon nonetheles-“ Alice quickly interrupted him, and angrily remarked, “Kazam is a fool and a liar. I could never be hurt by my own weapon! You should send him to get re-educated on how to properly witness events at Lignum Academy.” Alice looked away bashfully and took another large bite out of the Nadderfish. Ronan clasps his hands together and rested his elbows on the table. “Oh Alice, what am I going to do with you?” Alice glanced over with her mouth full. “Uh, send me back out? The only reason I failed was because the VFA had an agent there.” “VFA agent?” said Ronan in surprise. This was news to him. The initial reports were that the Scouts had gotten lost in the mist and turned back before they were discovered. A VFA agent in the area meant Elder Erik had some potential as a prisoner to the Kubura. Ronan leaned forward and stared at Alice. “You need to go back.” Alice looked back at Ronan, confused, “Why-,“ But before she finished, Ronan cut her off. “NOW!” he yelled, slamming his hand down on the table, “and don’t come back until you detain Elder Erik!”
Hans -
Hans walked back to his small house in the woods with Apex. “Here we are,” he said without much emphasis. They entered the house silently. Apex, who entered behind Hans, immediately went to the nearest window and peeked outside. Hans hadn’t noticed it before on the walk to the house, but Apex was a cautious person. Hans squinted at Apex, who was still looking outside. “You going to do that all day? Or would you rather eat?”. Apex turned and closed the blinds with one hand behind him. Hans felt a pang of regret. He didn’t mean to say it in a rude way. “No, no,” he said in an apologetic tone, “I didn’t mean it like that. Seriously, make yourself at home. I’ll go grab some food.” Apex stared at Hans through his mask and Hans left the room quickly.
Apex sat at one of the three chairs by the fireplace in the cozy, cabin-like log house. He looked around at the decorations, intrigued by the many exotic animal heads Hans had on display on various walls, but predominantly above the fireplace. “Nice place,” He said in his raspy, muffled voice. Hans returned from the other room, carrying breadrolls and some funny looking red fruit as well as glasses of water. Setting the water on the table in front of the chairs, he handed the bread and fruit to Apex, who in turn took off his helmet and munched on the bread. His face was that of a warrior, complete with a short beard trimmed to a goatee. Hans sat across from Apex and took a bite of the fruit. “Red Rodes.” Apex looked up, confused. He brushed some crumbs off his short beard and glanced questioningly at Hans, who stared right back at him. “The fruit, it’s called Red Rodes. It’s supposed to be really good for you.” Hans took another bite of the fruit. A sudden knock on the door ended the conversation. Hans looked around, stood up, and glanced back down at Apex. “Follow me,” he said in an alarmingly calm voice and he walked into the next room. Apex stood up, grabbed his helmet, and followed Hans closely behind. A muffled voice outside the door yelled, “Attention Residents of this establishment! By order of the Duradates, you must open your doors to the Kuburan Danen immediately!” Hans quickly ran up the stairs. “Come, quickly! We don’t have much time!” Hans whispered to Apex as he opened the door at the top of the stairs. “What do you plan on doing?” Apex asked as he pushed past Hans into the room. The contents of the room took his breath away. Each wall was covered by high powered rifles and other firearms. A few open chests held handguns and other plasma weaponry.
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[b][u]Comments...[/u][/b] -Try to use more breaks. -By breaking up the content, you can control the reader's focus on each character. -Punctuation is well done, some minor improvements. -Grammar is good enough that I cannot spot any glaring mistakes. An overall job well done.
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Ayy, you're still alive!
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. “Contraband collector?” Apex asked without glancing back as he took everything in. “Something like that, yeah.” Hans promptly shut the door behind them and locked the deadbolt. Apex scanned over the arsenal until his eyes caught a metallic black DMR with a twenty-four-inch barrel. “Ahhh, I see you picked up on the AD-77 repeater,” Hans smirked as he walked over to the other side of the room and picked up two hand pistols and a sleek smg-style weapon that had a dirty copper camo. “Go ahead and use it, it’s of no use to me here now.” Apex picked the weapon up and slung it over his shoulder. It felt a little lighter than normal weaponry he had used in the past and that felt nice. Hans moved over to a crate in the furthest corner in the room. He popped open the top, reached in, and grabbed a couple short projectile magazines. “Here,” Hans said before he tossed the magazines to Apex, who caught them with ease and put them in his ammo pouches. A loud noise shook the house. Apex and Hans both froze. “They’re inside,” Hans said quickly and he began frantically stuffing his pockets with plasma shells and bullets. “We’re out of time,” Apex spoke calmly, “Is there any other way out of this house from our location?” Hans nodded and walked to the end of the room. He pulled a string from the ceiling, and a door swung open. Heavy footsteps echoed up the stairs. Apex looked at Hans, then back to the door. “Go to the city of Cheveron.” Hans tilted his head. “What?” Apex turned and looked at Hans. “Just go. Find Wela and tell her Apex says hello.” Hans couldn’t believe his ears. “No, no, no. I am NOT leaving you behind!” The footsteps grew louder until they were just outside the door. “Just go! They won’t be able to catch you if I stay behind!” Apex forcefully pushed Hans into the exit hatch and then turned to face the door. He unslung his DMR and aimed at the door. “Knock Knock…” Apex said as the door blew open. He fired several shots into the smoking doorway before a small device rolled inside. ‘Flashbang’ Apex thought as he rolled away. The grenade exploded, sending beams of light all over the room. Hans rolled out from the hatch onto the roof. From his view he was easily able to see the grey Kuburan storm plated vehicles being guarded by a single Kubura parked in front of his house. He felt uneasy about moving down; Kubura usually had Scouts outside when they stormed buildings, waiting to catch any runners. Gunfire from the contraband room brought him back to reality. He jumped down from the roof and somersaulted on the ground. Immediately after the roll was complete, he broke into a dead sprint for the vehicles with a pistol in hand. Garen Divil, Kuburan Danen, Order 105 – When they arrived at the rebel’s house, the other Kuburan had nominated and assigned Garen to guard the vehicles. He hated guard duty, it was always so boring. A couple of shots rang out inside the house, causing Garen to pause in his usually pacing and look up. From up on the roof, he noticed a suspicious person jumping down from the rooftop of the first story. He began approaching the man with his assault weapon weapon level at his hip. “You there! Stop!” Garen shouted before the man ducked behind some bushes a few meters away to his right. Garen switched his coms on. “We got a potential hostile down at-.” He was unable to finish the sentence as a plasma shot tore through his front part of the left hemisphere on his helmet, searing through the front of his head and knocking him down. Hans – The guard ran at Hans with his weapon drawn. Hans ducked behind a bush and loaded his plasma-firing pistol. He spun out just as the Kubura began radioing the others inside and put two shots out towards his head, hitting him once. The Kubura fell back onto the ground, coms still crackling, and Hans ran past him to the armored vehicles. The door had been left unlocked, so Hans threw the door open and climbed inside. The keys were nowhere to be found as Hans slammed the door shut behind him and rummaged around. He looked towards the rear of the vehicle.