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1/19/2016 2:51:37 AM
13
Who's up to critique?
I wrote another poem, and i'd like to see what y'all think of it. Always open to constructive criticism, speculations about what it's about, all of that. No draft is a final draft, and i'm always open to rewriting my work if I feel it isn't good enough. Anyway, hope you enjoy the read, if nothing else.
[quote]Can you hear us, from ivory towers?
Voices from beneath your poison bowers,
Calling out in hopes you hear us,
A plea for help from far below.
Can you see us, beneath your feet?
Crowding the humbled, filthy streets.
Huddled masses on chilly days,
Trading privacy for warmth.
Can you smell the scent of decay?
The far, forsaken souls tossed away.
The weak, the young, abused and abandoned;
Blood, bone, and tears to fuel your greed.
Can you bear that bitter taste?
Will you change, or make amends?
Will you heed the downtrodden choir?
Lest your possessions be your only friends.[/quote]
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2 RepliesReminds me of this one I wrote from the perspective of Dead Orbit's Arach Jalaal. [i]The City is dead. But yet a means to a beginning. The others squander, With attempts at resurrection, Or petty secrets. But we are Astro-Mercenaries. We see a purpose in the Death. A light in the Darkness. We deny Ourselves passage On the back of a decrepit God; Cowering in the remnants of its dying light. We take hold of Our own destiny. Rather than reliving the glories Of days of future passed, We tear down these monuments to our sins And turn their “Golden” artifacts Into the cosmic fleet of a new Orbit. A Dead Orbit.[/i]
