This weeks poll, please vote for who you would like to see next week, as I've already picked personas! Hello everyone! And welcome to the unofficial weekly update week 2! This is again, an rendition of our beloved community idol 'MurdiusMaximus' updates. In his absence I will continue these to keep the viewers happy...or..you know. Until I'm voted out like sanders. This week, I decided to shine some light on someone from the lowest sector of our tower where no one rarely visits... Miss eva lavente! And she was real pleasant and...informative. She agreed to be interviewed for the unofficial updates with the payment of one box of sweet n'low. Why you ask? No clue.. Couldn't even find it. Just colored a box of "Truvia" sweetener and she couldn't tell the difference! Heres how our weekly star shined folks! [b]Eva, its such a pleasure to interview you, you are just so!... Riiiight... Thanks again![/b] I am not Eva, I am Crota. [b]No...~sigh~ no you're not.. you're Eva lavente wearing the crota mask from the festival..[/b] No I'm not. [b]I can see the coloring distortion...and the glue.. Look I'm not fighting with you on this. I really wanted to ask you eva-[/b] Crota. [b]I'm not calling you cro-[/b] Yes you will. [b]No I wont! I wanna ask you what the festival was about eva-[/b] Cro-ta... [b]You're not crota! Youre eva![/b] Crota. [b]FINE! WHATEVER IT DOESNT MATTER!! Crota! What was the Festival of the lost really about???[/b] Hehe. And Eva Wins. [b]Okay, now I know you're doing this to piss me off...My question Eva?[/b] Crota [b]...~Twitch~[/b] You see, the festival started as a way to mourn our lost. Our fallen guardians and soldiers during the collapse. Until I got a random phone call from Oryx, Charming gentle fellow. Always went on about the guardians brutal murder by mutilation with thrall teeth, being trampled by giant squirrels on horses. But that's not important. He asked me to collect the glimmer shards from enemies to deliver it to his only breeding/Party grounds known as "Kathartis Ruins" and name it candy. He wanted to hand it down to the small thrall to energize them to excel in ranks to breed a new army against us. You collected candy from fellow guardians. But the ones from the dead enemies you t-bagged for fun, was for thrall in the ruins. [b]So we killed eachother so kids could play trick-o-treat...while the bags we filled from the darkness you gave to fuel oryx's plot to raise another army...? Isn't that treason? Insubordination? Are those the right wor- [/b] The Speaker approved it. [b]Of course he did...But continue.[/b] Well, I had crates filled with the candy for the thrall. So I had oryx text me the coordinates so I could fly a ship to and from the ruins for oryx's deal. Once I got there, I kept my mask on to see if I could fool anyone while I delivered the crates.. [b]Wait. So you went there? what were you able to do? Did you discover any weaknesses?[/b] Intelligence mostly. It was a crater with green fog that actually tasted suspiciously like sour apple warheads. The "Breeding" Grounds were 3 metallic structures filled with wizards creating the thrall. There was hay inside and maternal knights patrolling them. I went to drop off the candy but I was.. intercepted.. [b]Wait, so baby thralls had to sleep in huge open metal bins on hay with a bunch of feminine knights watching them... Can I call hive child protective services? And intercepted...? By who...? [/b] Oryx ensured there was no such service to be reachable to the ruins and who else deary? Omnigul! She went up to me and thought I was crota. So I remained quiet while she ranted. Surprisingly...If you just let her talk she thinks you're paying attention and will think you are talking back to her... Creepy woman. However since I was presumed as crota. I was dragged into the crowd to "Boogie oogie down" with omnigul for 2 weeks... [b]You poor thing! I'm so sorry that happened to you! But...you were there for 2 weeks. What did you learn about the hive? Hopefully something we can use? ~Veneficus grabs a pad and pen~[/b] Well..for one. "Shake it up" By taylor swift has an exact run time of 4 minutes and 2 seconds since that's all they ever play... That Ir halak and Ir anuk are the Djs in the crater. Not to mention knights serve drinks, somehow they have an unlimited amount of pumpkin mojitos. Ever had one? [b]No...and I think i'd barf a lung if I had one served by a slimey worm infested knight...And don't you think the acolytes should be the ones serving drinks and the knights...eh never mind. Continue[/b] You would be correct. Acolytes act as bouncers and wizards create "Fog" effects for Omniguls solo singing during certain parts of that song. And did you know that hive worms have an abundance of blackberries in their genitalia Ven? [b]No, no I didn't, I never wanted to and wish I never did. For Christ sakes that sounds like a nightmare!! How did you escape?[/b] Omnigul told me she was gonna call oryx and tell him his son was here. While she was on the phone I grabbed my makeshift chamber pot and ran back to the ship. And flew away. Surprisingly omnigul didn't even notice I was leaving. She was watching me run too, I think she thought I was running to get her a drink cuz she shouted "Give meh a tall one babe!" [b]A..chamber...pot...? I think I need to get some amnesia medicine... It sounds like that was a horrifyingly cruel 2 weeks... I was surprised you lived off pumpkin mojitos and worm blackberries... Did oryx ever contact you again? [/b] Only once. A thank you voicemail with slurred speech and him going on about him being in love with coors light and about how his son is still dead and that omnigul lied to him. [b]That's a victory for the tower...I guess. Anyways Eva-[/b] Crota. [b]Do that one more time and I will hurt you. Anyways...Crota... What one thing in destiny would you change to make it better?[/b] To give myself a severe enema to clean the worm blackberries out of m- [b]Okay okay, enough no more sickening images! Please!! Thank you for letting me interview you! I hope you never have to host the festival again.[/b] Me too...But omnigul already put out fliers already around the moons ruins if I remember her correctly... [b]Figures.. Anyways thanks for letting me talk to you for awhile eva![/b] Crota. And there you have it folks! This was one...disturbing chat.. This week, we as the people have noticed a lot of fixation on PvP in the crucible. Such as robbing special ammo in those bonding 3v3 battles but surprisingly enough, not in rumble nor 6v6. Which will cause an uproar soon enough and leaving the question "What about the 2v2 battles?". That was never mentioned, and will probably never be brought up. We learned as well that bungie will be fixing however, a minor tweak to the oryx fight, which leaves players starving for info on new content to play. So far, the vast majority of PvE have left, and only the PvP Community players remain. Causing yet, another schism in our foundation as a community as one. In earlier news, we find out that bungie will be bringing "Freelance" Playlists into the pvp mixture to stop one lone player from joining a clan match, which will leave the community in a question of "How will this apply to the similar issue in Iron banner?". Well, ill be looking to find any mention! In the later week, bungie has been going to the darkside on their twitter, minorly threatening those who wish to expose players who purposely lag and hack the game to gain advantage in their KD and overall medal score, that they will not tolerate such acts, while informing the informee that they do not approve of the evidence being brought with gamertags and game clips and will take any and all evidence provided, down and leave it to the live team to act as security. A lot of people have been seeing this as distrust and only push themselves further away from the game. So far, this was all I could dig up news wise to bring forth to you lovely fellows! Thank you all for reading, and keep that satchel of coins ready for xur, and keep your rifles reloaded in those strikes and raids! See you all starside! Veneficus, out!