[b] HEY! A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MESSAGED ME AND ASKED, "FERAL, CAN YOU REVIEW HAWKMOON?" AND I WAS LIKE "SURE". SO HERE WE GO... [/b] (stares at empty hand) ... oh, shit. [b]WE WILL HAVE TO COME BACK TO THAT SHIT IN SEPTEMBER, WHEN I CAN ACTUALLY GET THE GODDAMN THING.[/b] IN THE MEANTIME, I WILL BE [b]SINGING THE PRAISES[/b] AND [b]RUINING YOUR EARDRUMS OVER THUNDEERRRRRRLOOOOOORD[/b]. "WHAT IS THUNDERLORD", YOU ASK?[b] THUNDERLORD IS THE EQUIVALENT OF CARRYING AROUND THOR'S COCK IN YOUR HANDS AND USING IT TO SPEW FORTH ELECTRIC DEATH AT YOUR ENEMIES. [/b] [b]BELT-FED MACHINEGUN DEATHSEX AGAINST THE UNWILLING FACES OF ALIENS AND GUARDIANS ALIKE. [/b] [b]MADE OF LIGHTNING.[i] REAL LIGHTNING[/i] !!![/b] [b]FIRST THING YOU'LL NOTICE IS THAT THIS THING CRACKLES WITH ELECTRICITY. SO, IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING... DO NOT LICK IT. DO NOT THINK ABOUT LICKING IT. DON'T EVEN WRITE SONGS ABOUT HOW COOL IT'D BE TO LICK IT. IT WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU, OR AT THE VERY LEAST MAKE IT SO ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN COME OUT RETARDED. AND IF YOU LIVE IN TEXAS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE STUCK WITH THOSE WATERHEAD KIDS UNLESS YOU KNOW A GUY WHO CAN SELL THEM FOR PARTS. [/b] WIELD THUNDERLORD AND WATCH AS YOUR GUN SLOWLY STARTS WAKING UP AND BEGINS TO PICK UP PACE, FIRING FROM [b]"SLOWER THAN SNAILS F*CKING"[/b] TO [b]"COCAINE-FUELED ASSRIPPER" [/b]IN SECONDS.[b][u] CRITICAL HITS WILL CAUSE SHIT TO VIOLENTLY EXPLODE WITH POWERFUL LIGHTNING[/u], KILLING MORE INNOCENT LIFE WITH ELECTRICAL MISHAPS THAN THOMAS EDISON TRYING TO DISCREDIT TESLAAAAAA! [/b] TESLA'S GHOST WILL COME TO YOU IN A DREAM, WEEPING AND YOU WILL ASK HIM WHAT'S WRONG, BUT WHEN HE SPEAKS IT WILL JUST BE THE DEAFENING NOISE OF ELECTRICAL HUM AND CRACKLING FEEDBACK AS HE STARES HORRIFIED AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE. [b]YOU WILL GAZE DEEPLY INTO THE EYES OF HIS MUSTACHE[/b] AND TRY TO APOLOGIZE,[b] BUT IT'S TOO LATE[/b]. YOU HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING[b] BEAUTIFUL[/b] AND TWISTED IT INTO[b] VIOLENT DEATH AND BULLET SODOMY[/b] AS YOUR [b]FROTHY, BLOOD-ENGORGED LOINS SWELL[/b] WITH THE[b] ANTICIPATION OF VIOLENCE[/b]. [b]TESLA'S HATRED FOR YOU BECOMES BLINDING,[/b] BEFORE YOU AWAKE IN A COLD SWEAT BEHIND THE[b] BURNT-DOWN SHONEY'S YOU'VE BEEN MAINLINING COCAINE AND LIGHTNING BEHIND FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS[/b]. [b]MY CHILDREN DO NOT RECOGNIZE ME.[/b] YOU WILL BECOME MAD WITH POWER, AS EACH PULL OF THE TRIGGER CUTS THROUGH SWATHS OF ENEMIES, ENDING THEM AND ALL THAT THEY LOVED AND EVER WERE. ARC BURN NIGHTFALLS WILL BECOME YOUR STOMPING GROUNDS AS YOU PERSONIFY A [b]BIPEDAL LIGHTNING HOLOCAUST[/b]. YOU WILL BEGIN WRITING[b] EROTIC HAIKUS[/b] TO THE [b]STAFF OF A LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN[/b], BECAUSE [b]NOBODY CAN STOP YOU.[/b] PAIR UP [b]THUNDERLORD[/b] WITH [b]RUIN WINGS[/b] TO[b] NEVER STOP THE MASSACRE. [/b] FALLEN CAPTAIN?[b] THUNDERLORD.[/b] GROUP OF THRALLS OR DREGS? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] OMNIGUL NEEDS TO SHUT THE F*** UP?[b] THUNDERLORD.[/b] KNIGHTS WITH ARC SHIELD? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] KNIGHTS WITHOUT ARC SHIELD? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] FAT GUY TAKING TOO LONG AT A BUFFET? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] CHILD CRYING DURING A MOVIE? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] FRIEND'S NEWBORN BABY REALLY UGLY AND NOBODY WANTS TO TELL HER? [b]THUNDERLORD.[/b] FRIEND CRYING BECAUSE YOU EXPLODED HER INFANT WITH A LIGHTNING MACHINEGUN? [b]THUNDERLORD[/b]. ENGAGED IN RUNNING GUNFIGHT WITH LOCAL AUTHORITIES FOR DOUBLE MURDER?[b] THUNDERLORD. [/b] COCAINE-FUELED LAST STAND AGAINST SWAT TEAM BEHIND BURNT-DOWN SHONEY'S?[b] THUNDERLORD[/b]. CRAWLING WEAKLY OVER THE BROKEN CORPSES OF THE POLICE, BLOOD SURGING FROM YOUR WOUNDS AS YOU CONTINUE TO FIGHT THEM EVEN WITH YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE COCAINE ERECTION?[b] THUNDERLORD. [/b] [b]YOU CAN MURDER GODS WITH THIS. THUNDERLOOOOOORRRRRRRRD!!!![/b]