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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by Emurinus: 2/27/2016 6:09:14 AM
91

Something is wrong with Rahool...

So I was bored today and decided to do that Mars mission where you go to the Black Garden via the tunnels. After completing it, I got a Legendary Boots engram. Knowing Rahool would pull another half-ass trick, I decided to decode it just for the Marks. Then it happened... As I cocked my middle finger, ready to shove it in Rahool's face when he was finishing decoding my engrams for the day, I got a rare scout rifle, a strange coin, a random bond, and the Peregrine Greaves. My middle finger become flaccid, my mind was blown, and I looked in utter awe as I received the boots required to become a member of the Knee Fetish Club for Titans. I fell to my knees, muttered "Who are you great Awoken God..." and I was handed the boots. I asked Rahool if he is sick or something, but he was just looking at his tablet now, not caring about me anymore. I stowed my boots in the vault, and ran through simulations faster than the Vex trying to find out why he would give an Exotic out of a Legendary engram. I gave up at 1 billion thoughts; weeks had passed, and my ghost had revived me 26 times from starvation. None of my death visions could pin it down either. I asked around the Tower. The FWC told me to -blam!- off; they didn't care. Dead Orbit began some research, but came up with no answers. New Monarchy just asked me to join their faction; I declined. I tried asking the Speaker, but he went into a long rant about Osiris so I left. I asked Banshee. He said he remembers that it happened once before, but all of the memory wipes kept him from telling me what it meant or how to fix him. None of the other bots in the Tower knew either. I asked the Vanguard. Cayde asked if he was on something again. Zavala scolded him, and said he was unsure about Rahool's behavior. Ikora said that they'll watch Rahool to see if anything is wrong. I felt relieved that the Vanguard are on the case, but I still worried about Rahool. I asked Eris if she knew anything about it. She gave me dried raisins and told me to give them to him. If he reacted, he was fine; if he didn't, then there would be a problem. I gave them to Rahool. He looked at me, took the raisins, and he ate them. I went back to Eris and when I told her, she collapsed onto one of the boxes, saying, "Teeth on the surface of my raisins!" She then passed out on the boxes. Cayde walked over asking, "How'd you get her to shut up?". I told him, "She gave me some raisins, told me to give them to Rahool, and analyze his actions. He ate them, I told Eris, then she passed out". Cayde fell down and pounded the ground with his fist in laughter. I didn't know Exos could gasp for breath but I guess Cayde proved it. I asked Xur if he knew anything about it. The only good response I got out of him was, "My will is not my own". Not surprised. I went to the Reef in search of clues. Petra didn't know who Rahool was. The Emissaries didn't care. Master Ives said Rahool was a disgrace to the Cryptarchs for handing an Exotic out of a Legendary engram instead of a Rare. The Osiris guy said he would only reveal it if I went flawless in the Trials. I knew that was impossible so I went to Variks. Variks initially wanted to throw him into the Prison of Elders and have him dismantle mines, but then he changed his mind and said that the Prison still needs some more prisoners exterminated before we throw Rahool in. Variks didn't want Rahool in the Prison. I knew this was serious. I studied Rahool for hours every day. I looked at every engram he was given, and what he gave back. He gave out the usual: Motes, Coins, and garbage. I ended my research about four weeks later, unable to find out what made him so generous that day. Was I blessed by the Gods of RNG? Was Rahool beginning to snap, but didn't shows signs till then? Was Eris going to kill Rahool for eating her raisins? Why does the Speaker [i]still[/i] rant on about Osiris? So many questions left unanswered, and yet so much time to figure them out. This goes far beyond my current knowledge. I must research more... [spoiler][i]TEETH ON THE SURFACE OF MY RAISINS!!![/i][/spoiler] Due to trending popularity, lets make our petition after all! https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/186946312

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  • BUMPITY BUMP BUMP BUMPITY BUMP BUMP LOOK AT OP GOOOOOO!!!

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  • Heh

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  • He saw my post on latest about the most scrubtatstic huntard out there , bloody triforce. Check out bloodytriforce huntard in action , if I get enough messaged I'll turn it into a weekly comedy about his legendary annoying adventures with smoggy Pluto msg for trolls sake!

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  • lol this was great! I'll read and bump stuff like this anyday over stupid crap posts

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  • I remember when a legendary heavy turned into my first ghally

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  • Judging form all of the replies it seems Rahool is indeed going crazy. Perhaps my research just needed more eyes in the end >.>

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  • This is the best thing I've read ever... Of all time.

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  • Edited by An Ex-Guardian: 1/18/2016 11:04:42 PM
    There always has been.

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  • I got 290 sealed ahamkara grasps from legendary gauntlet engrams.

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  • Yes, I got two 310 Peregrine Greaves from Legendary boot engrams, and a few more from Exotic boot engrams....BUT WHY IS IT NEVER MK44 STAND-ASIDES??? Has anyone had them from an Engram? It's bugged or Rahool has really lost it

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    3 Replies
    • Rahool is my best friend today. Twilight Garrison, Nothing Manacles, and Peregrine Graves out of legendary engrams today.

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    • Edited by CarelessComet: 1/17/2016 11:46:15 AM
      What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK EVERYTHING IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO THROUGH THEIR SKULL! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS CARED ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL KILL THEM ALL! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE HECK OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AND MURDER THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO THAT GU---wait, THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!? WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES!!! I'M BACK

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      • [quote] I received the boots required to become a member of the Knee Fetish Club for Titans[/quote] hahah

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      • Bro your k/d and grimoire suck

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        • Yes, I do believe he has gone mad. Yesterday, I handed in a Legendary Gauntlet Engram, and Rahool gave me a pair of 310 Impossible Machines.

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        • u forgot to ask tess everis

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          • I got Peregrine Greaves off a legendary when I actually WANTED a legendary to see if I could change up my boots' perks anyT_T

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          • Edited by DarthG8r: 1/17/2016 2:40:13 PM
            Find out next week on... RAHOOL FILES

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          • [quote][i]TEETH ON THE SURFACE OF MY RAISINS!!![/i][/quote]

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          • Rahool gave me a Gally from a legendary back when legendaries could becomes blue or ascendant materials...

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            • Well. Rahool is a disgrace.

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              • Petition to make "Teeth on the surface of my Raisins!" a Tower quote anyone?

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                • Nice story bro...He's given four pairs of those to my Warlock. I took them to Goodwill for a 10% discount on my next purchase. Whenever I'm in there I see children touch the faintly glowing stones on them, women laugh at them and men pick them up and say "I wonder if my wife would like these?" I did see one guy with a lisp dressed like a biker buy a pair though he said they were fabulous.

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                • He is still an asshole to me tho. It went fomr Crest of Alhpa Lupi to the Voidfang Vestments.

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                • Dude he's been fixed only an idiot would go to the reef

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                • I agree with OP. Rahool is ill, or confused; he's not his usual self. I've gotten plenty of legendary stuff from rare engrams since TTK dropped, as well as Truth and Plan C from legendary engrams. The dude's not well. He might be having a fever, or a brain tumor. He's definitely not his usual self.

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