Hey guys! My first day as your new Community Manager for Destiny 2 the Shattered Suns, and I'll be giving you guys a rundown of what to expect launch-day from this new and exciting sequel to Destiny!
-We've removed guns in favor for Play-Doh, being able to craft weapons has never been easier!
-New Enemy Race: Whiners! Take on the wild scum of the Destiny community, including JefftheCabal, and TheGreatNike as Raid Bosses!
-Armor is now swapped for Clothing! Customize T-Shirts, Jeans, and more with this exciting new feature!
-Melee has been significantly nerfed from Destiny TTK, and now you use Pillows! These deal around 5 damage and can seriously knock out an oponent's tooth if hit hard enough! Rapidly tap the Melee Button to charge and release for 2 seconds to hit!
-Gjallarhorn has returned for it's new round! It now shoots out gigantic fireworks that explode into confetti for the enemy and you! It also deals .04% of a bosses damage!
-Ghosts have been swapped in favor for the Destiny Companion App! Now you can use your favorite weapon in the palm of your hand!
LAUNCH FEATURES!
An astonishing 2 Locations! The Destiny Forums, and the State of Washington! Bungie's HQ Location!
Characters are returning from your original Destiny Game! See your beautiful characters come to life in Cel-Shaded Graphics!
Over 1000 different Smartphones to collect, 55 Exotic, 325 Legendary!
Different rankings grant different benefits! Such as Immunity to bans, and the inb4 feature!
Lastly, the feature to purchase all future DLC for Year 3 entirely! For the low low cost of your money thrown at the screen!
In short, thank you for supporting Bungie in these harsh times, and hope you enjoy Destiny 2, more change notes to be released in the future!
From your new manager,
WickedSoldier99
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This will probably be removed. Just saying.