I guy told me destiny sucks [spoiler]I told him he swallowed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)[/spoiler]

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fipeHs3L2_w

Bus full of cheerleaders goes off a cliff. No survivors. So they're at St. Peter's gate and before he'll let them in they have to confess to their worst sin. First girl steps up and says I once touched a mans penis. St Peter directs her to the pool of holy water and has her clean her offending finger and she continues through the gate. Next girl steps up and says she once jerked a guy off. St Peter has her clean her whole hand in the holy water and she continues through the gate. Now before the next girl can step up, a cheerleader way in the back runs up and says "St Peter is there any way I could drink this holy water before Stacy puts her ass in it?

During the days when Native Americans were being forcibly and systematically removed from their ancestral lands, a small band of Cherokee had managed to elude the U.S. cavalry by using secret refuges in the Appalachian mountains. The only advantages they had were a particularly brutal winter that made navigating the mountains impossible for anyone without an intimate knowledge of them, and the brilliant leadership of their cunning war chief, Black Wolf.  Now Black Wolf was getting on in years, and he had never married or had any offspring. He knew the time was coming for him to name a successor, and his intended candidate was his nephew: Falling Rocks, so called because of the way he would fall on the enemy with the fury of a rock slide. However, the other members of the tribe would think that he favored Falling Rocks due to his kinship, rather than merit. Some in the tribe would rather he name another brave, Tall Bear, to be the new war chief. Tall Bear was perhaps the mightiest warrior in the tribe, but he was brash and impulsive-- he had no mind for strategy, and won his battles on brute force alone. Falling Rocks, however, was a tactician and leader. He knew when to fight, when to flee, and when to try diplomacy. Black Wolf knew that the future of his tribe depended on more than merely being a skilled warrior.  To reconcile the two sides, Black Wolf announced that the new war chief would be decided by a test, and invited all who were interested to participate. Seven braves met him atop a rocky peak, just as the spring thaw began to open the mountain routes. "This is a test to determine who shall be the new war chief," Black Wolf addressed the assembled warriors, "You will walk in the direction of the setting sun, and return. Whoever travels the farthest shall be my successor. This test has no end-- only you can decide when you have traveled far enough." The braves pack their belongings and depart the camp that evening, with Tall Bear and Falling Rocks racing to be the first through the pass. Despite being rivals, there was no animosity between them. They had fought alongside each other many times, and each felt that the other pushed him to his fullest potential.  After a few days, one of the braves returned. "I saw a great village of the whites, with more people than I ever knew lived on this world. It was heavily patrolled by soldiers and I felt I could go no further." A few weeks pass, and another brave returns to the camp. "I visited vast lakes so large I thought they were part of the ocean, but the water was fresh, not salty. I encountered a great thunderous waterfall of tremendous power. At this point, I felt I could go no further." A month passes, and the third brave makes his way back. "I saw a mighty river, larger than any I had seen before. I could find no way to cross its muddy waters, and was forced to turn back." Another month passes until another brave returns from his quest. "I made it to vast plains, with no trees in sight. Mighty horned beasts grazed in herds beyond counting. Their hooves shook the ground like thunder. I dared not risk being lost to the anger of these creatures, and had to turn back. Months pass, and the fifth brave returns to the tribe. "On my travels I discovered another range of mountains. Unlike ours, these were sharp and jagged, piercing the sky with their height. I thought that this must be the backbone of the world, but I could find no way to cross them, and could go no further. Still, neither Falling Rocks nor Tall Bear had returned, and the tribe had been severely weakened without them. They could not access their hunting grounds, which were now overrun with whites, and winter was once again threatening to seize the mountains in ice. The elders of the tribe were pressuring Black Wolf to name his successor now, because they could not survive waiting around for anyone else to return. Black Wolf held out for as long as he could, every day sitting on the peak where he had issued his challenge, watching the pass for the return of his nephew. Finally, the rest of the tribe had had enough, and demanded that he name the brave who most recently returned as war chief. Just then, a lone figure staggered through the mountain pass, wrapped in buffalo skins and holding some sort of strange shell. It was Tall Bear. "I walked until I encountered another ocean. It was similar to ours, but I could tell it was also quite different. The life that inhabits it was unlike what we catch in our waters. However, I could find no way to go any further." Black Wolf knew that he couldn't wait for Falling Rocks any longer, and named Tall Bear the new war chief, but every day he would go to the peak and watch the pass for his nephew. Eventually the cold winter air struck him with an illness that he knew he would not survive. Calling Tall Bear and the other braves to him, he told them that he still knew in his heart that Falling Rocks was still alive, and it was his dying wish to have the tribe always keep vigil for when he returns. Tall Bear and the other braves swore to never stop waiting for their brother in battle. And that's why, to this day, when traveling in those mountains, you can still see signs that say "Watch for Falling Rocks"

So there was a Irish man, a Mexican man, and a American man on a boat. The Irish man threw of A potato and said we have to many of these in our country. The Mexican man threw of a taco and said we have to many of these in our country. The American man threw of the Mexican man and said we have to many of these in our country!

Donald Trump

Why did the chicken cross the road? To go see a fgt named op Knock knock who's there The chicken

Why are there no Jews on Jupiter? [spoiler]It's made of gas[/spoiler]

How did burger king get dairy queen preggo? He forgot to wrap his whopper.. tadaaa

Listen only to the sound of my voice. Let your mind relax. Let your thoughts drift. Let the bad memories fade. Let peace be upon you. Surrender yourself to your dreams. Let them wash over you like the gentle waves of the bluest ocean. Let them envelop you. Comfort you. Imagine somewhere calm. Imagine somewhere safe. Imagine yourself in a frozen forest. You're standing in a clearing. Trees around you so tall, they touch the sky. Pure white snowflakes fall all around. You can feel them melt on your skin. You are not cold. It cannot overcome the warmth of your beating heart. Can you hear it? You only have to listen. You hear it slowing? You're slowing it. You are in control. Calm. At peace.

Laugh

You're walking in the woods. There's no one around, And your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him, Shia Labeouf. He's following you About 30 feet back. He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint. He's gaining on you. Shia Labeouf. You're looking for your car, But you're all turned around. He's almost upon you now And you can see there's blood on his face! My god, there's blood everywhere! Running for your life (From Shia Labeouf.) He's brandishing a knife. (It's Shia Labeouf.) Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia Labeouf. Living in the woods, (Shia Labeouf.) Killing for sport, (Shia Labeouf.) Eating all the bodies Actual, cannibal Shia Labeouf. Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him, But you're hopelessly lost yourself. Stranded with a murderer, You creep silently through the underbrush. A-ha! In the distance, A small cottage with a light on. Hope! You move stealthily toward it, But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap! Gnawing off your leg, (Quiet, quiet.) Limping toward the cottage, (Quiet, quiet.) Now you're on the doorstep, Sitting inside, Shia Labeouf. Sharpening an ax, (Shia Labeouf.) But he doesn't hear you enter, (Shia Labeouf.) You're sneaking up behind him. Strangling superstar Shia Labeouf. Fighting for your life with Shia Labeouf, Wrestling a knife from Shia Labeouf, Stab it in his kidney. Safe at last from Shia Labeouf. You limp into the dark woods, Blood oozing from your stump leg. But you have won. You have beaten Shia Labeouf Wait! He isn't dead, Shia surprise! There's a gun to your head. And death in his eyes. But you can do Ju Jitsu. (You can do it) Body slam superstar Shia Labeouf. Legendary fight with Shia Labeouf. Normal Tuesday night for Shia Labeouf. You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf. But blood is draining fast from you stump leg. He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left. You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck. Your chopping of his head now... You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf. His head toppled to the floor, expressionless. You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Shia Labeouf.

Where does the king keep his armies? [spoiler]in his sleevies.[/spoiler]

HEADPHONE AND SENSITIVE VIEWERS BEWARE!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between Santa clause and a Jew? [spoiler]Santa goes [b][i][u]DOWN[/u][/i][/b] the chimney[/spoiler]

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxHXPpKi4Ak um..yea. be careful who's around when you watch this. be careful. im sure you can tell by the thumbnail, but wow it'is funny [spoiler]BTW YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND YOU ARE TAKING A CHANCE SO DONT BLAME ME OR BUNGIE!!![/spoiler]

What is al quedas favorite football team? The New York Jets

Kings Fall Hard Raid. Daughters Checkpoint. Need 4 light level 307+. Message for invite. (Xbox360)

[quote]Donald Trump[/quote] [spoiler]debate me if you wish.[/spoiler]

What's long and stiff and full of seamen [spoiler]A SUBMARINE [/spoiler]