What the -blam!- did you just -blam!-ing say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the -blam!- out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my -blam!-ing words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, -blam!-er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re -blam!-ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your -blam!-ing tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re -blam!-ing dead, kiddo.

this is like when you wake up hungover af with a bruise on your leg that looks like the arbys logo so you think you got -blam!-ed by the sauce kiosk

this is that type of post where you don't notice you have a raging  boner until after the post is finished and your grandma was in the room so now shit is mad awkward but your grandma slowly unzips your pants and you're surprisingly okay with this and so is she. after the sex, your grandmother lights up a cigarette but dies from inhaling too much smoke. you run to your mom's room crying because your grandma just died but it's too late. All you see is me, plowing down on your mom's ass, -blam!-ing her into the next dimension. I am now your father. "Go to your -blam!-ing room and do your work. none of them stupid computer games for a whole week" i say as i chug another beer. and kids that's how I, Ted Mosby, met your mother *continues to beat kids* - the story of literally every white kid in lower middle class homes from the 90's *old blink-182 plays* "parents suuuUUUUuUuUUuuck" *Ted Mosby comes back and breaks the stereo* he's drunk as shit and unstoppable. "I'll -blam!-ing beat your ass", says Ted, as he grabs your vintage baseball bat signed by some black player from the 80's or some shit and swings full force into your jaw. you can't speak. you call for your mom but Ted Mosby has already killed her too. Ted Mosby breaks the window open and cartwheels  into the sky on his JD Razor. Ted Mosby is king. Ted Mosby will -blam!- you.

This just in, LifeOfYourParty has been spotted near the local McDonald's fun house wearing clothing that seems to reveal a small, yet visible amount of nipple.

I 100% agree with everything said in this newsletter. How is the Pocket Infinity NOT the best ever?