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10/7/2015 1:19:32 AM
32
M&M Championship
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
[i]There can be only one.[/i]
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You You are a genius.
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Beautiful
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This is awesomeness
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1 ReplyRETURN FROM THE GRAVE
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I was going to say "Quality over Quantity" But you seem to have gotten both, I applaud you.
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I did this with skittles
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This is the greatest thing since toasted bread. Beautiful.
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This is amazing
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Copypasta
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I do this as well.
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Edited by boom1516: 10/7/2015 9:40:50 PMplease live stream this. also I've done this as well.
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Definitely doing this when I get a bag of M&M's.
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1 ReplyHow have you not won an award for science?
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why are so many of your threads trending?
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4 RepliesNice copypasta, nerd!
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seal y u no ninja yet your post/influence on offtopic is pretty big
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1 ReplyI would do this as a kid with toy cars. I would line them up and crash them into each other, whichever one was upright won the round. It was a best of three series. I don't know why, but it was incredibly fun, had like 128 car tournaments. 10/10 would do again today.
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Woah, post the winner
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I used to do this, then I realised that repeatedly stressing the same M&M would inevitably weaken it and sabotage the tournament.
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if you don't do this already... you are abnormal
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This has to be the absolute best thing I've read on the internet so far.
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I do the exact same thing. But in the end they all perish
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1 ReplyIs it weird that I've done this too?
