[quote]Whats worse than death? [spoiler]death and balls.[/spoiler] Sometimes, though, this is a beautiful experience. Like a wedding. [b][i]But with nutz. [/i][/b] Some weddings aren't so glorious, though. My sister once married an entire tribe of penguins. It was like [b][i]watching someone t-bag out of context.[/i][/b] [u]Let's dive in![/u] This comprehensive guide will show you the most beautiful moments to [b][i]drag your unholy scrotum across someones face,[/i][/b] and times when it may not be favorable. [b][i]Campers-[/i][/b]So you're having a good day, slaying in the Crucible, sweeping beautiful women off their feet, [b][i]but then you turn around a corner and receive a shotgun facial.[/i][/b] This is a great time to get a good [b][i]chips and queso dip[/i][/b] in. Make note of their location, slide around the corner and [b][i]unload[/i][/b] all over them. Promptly following their demise, position yourself over where their face was, and [b][i]dip dip dip dip dip.[/i][/b] Damn! That felt great. [b][i]Super shutdown-[/i][/b]So it's a Monday, your weekend of beer pong and hunting for foxy ladies in the grocery asiles is over, as if that's not depressing enough [b][i]A BLADEDANCER IS CHARGING YOUR ASS.[/i][/b] Luckily [i]you're a badass[/i], and you shut that -blam!- down. What to do now? This is a great time for the [b][i]salty malt ball.[/i][/b] Moonwalk over the body, and give them [i]one beautiful, slow, elegant slosh of taint.[/i] They've learned their lesson. [b][i]Universal Remote-[/i][/b]So there you are, using your [u]not-exotic-handcannon[/u], doing just as average as your mother taught you, and you get pwned. No big deal, no h8, until [b][i]Universal Remote[/i][/b] pops up at the top right of your screen. Really, what it [i]should[/i] say is [b][u]I LOVE SWEATY TROUSER MEAT IN MY FACE.[/u][/b] Well, it'd be poor of us to not oblige. Find the offender, and give them what I call the [b][i]dodge, dip, duck, dive, and dodge![/i][/b] It's exactly as it sounds, [b][i]but with your crotch.[/i][/b] [b][i]The Honor Bag-[/i][/b]There are times when you meet someone with the exact skill level as you. You have a long gunfight, get a few melees in, and eventually one of you dies. It's important to honor these victories. The best [i]bag[/i] for this case is the [b][i]ass-sit to ashes.[/i][/b] Make your way to their orb, give them one [i]bag[/i] then sit on their face until they respawn. Do not dodge incoming fire, as this is a sacred ritual; one that should be respected. [b][i]Revenge-[/i][/b]Should someone [u]bag you[/u] outside of these conditions, it's important to reassert your nutz as best nutz. These sons-of-Cryptarchs get the [b][i]Cockleberry.[/i][/b] To properly perform the [i]Cockleberry[/i] you'll need two things: [i]sweaty genitals and raw fury.[/i] (not to be confused with furries). Work up a good sweat inside that armor, let it all drip down to a good cheesy paste. [u]Fist them to death.[/u] Don't be gentle. No means yes and yes means harder. Pound that -blam!- into the ground then use both hands to spam your crouch button. Your crotch will be a blur of salty hate, enemies will flee at the site of your vigorous and violent baggage. Lord Shaxx will personally give your nutz a shout out. [b][i]"You're crushing them!" [/i][/b]. Victory is yours, and you may proceed with your day as routine. I hope this guide helped you, keep those barrels hot! [spoiler]and those nutz hotter. [/spoiler][/quote]