Stick it on my head and call myself a flaccidhorn

I would force scientists to give me a transplant.

Crazy Glue a sausage on myself.

Grow another one

:D

Give it to the Africans so they have something to eat. [spoiler] now i can say a black person ate my dick[/spoiler]

Probably try to stick it in people's mouths when they aren't looking. Maybe have it preserved somehow and hit people with it. Have a mold of it made and make several copies of it. Fire all of the dildos out of a cannon at some clowns.

😐🔫

As I wince in pain, I tenderly reach two fingers in my pocket to dig out my phone. After 30 seconds of fumbling with it, because I'm a dumbass who decided to use only two fingers rather than my hand, I finally manage to lift it out of my pocket. I hurridly turn the phone over, and press the sleep button to light up my screen. My wallpaper peers back at me with eyes full of pity and contempt, which is odd since there are no eyes on my wallpaper. I swipe left, and am confronted with my passcode. I slowly push through the pain and manage to type in 'Big Booty ho make wurl go round.' Finally having opened my phone, I tap on the YouTube app, and it crashes because it's a piece of shit. I swipe right and tap on McTube, it works. I type in 'Dramatic Music,' Requiem for a Dream pops up, perfect, I tap on it. Shit. A 30 second ad, I wait whilst groaning and wincing in pain at my missing weiner. The ad is over and the song starts to play. I take a deep breath, sure to fill every in of my body with air, and when I hit my capacity...I fall to my knees, I grasp at the air, and scream "nuuuuuuu" [spoiler]In retrospect, this was such a waste of time to write. And probably to read.[/spoiler]

Make it into a hat.