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7/25/2015 1:24:57 PM
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How To Be A Great Bungie Employee

Thanks! Bungie just hired me!!

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Shoot, Bungie just fired me...

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*FREE COOKIE* !! - : )

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So every day, I get questions from users wondering how they can become a Bungie employee. Whether it is to join the past of Halo, or the future of Destiny. It's a hard question to answer, for many reasons; so today, I'll highlight just one of those topics. Topic A : The best way to become a good Bungie employee is to make great content that the user base enjoys. The better the feedback received from said user-base, the more you'll know you're being a good employee. However, this doesn't mean that the random troll post indicates that you're doing a bad job. It's best to ignore those. Examples of Great Content : What do you do when a Loud Spoken Minority complains about the weapon system? Why, you completely uproot it and make all the changes you feel are necessary in order to appease them. That is always the correct choice of action. Here, I'll explain why: If people are excluded because they don't have the Gjallarhorn, simply make that weapon obsolete. Surely if it becomes garbage, people will no longer be excluded. Surely after this change, no one will think to figure out what the NEXT best rocket launcher is, and do the EXACT same thing all over again. Also, we might as well make every single rocket launcher do the exact same amount of damage output, just in case it does. If people can't win in PVP, we might as well nerf and make all top-token weapons obsolete too, such as the Thorn. Surely, no one will notice that the only change that occurs is that God-Tier Thorn users become Excellent-Tier Thorn users; and Bad-Tier Thorn users will become Extra-Bad-Tier Thorn users. Also, I'm positive that if the number one choice of killing is nerfed, that no one in their right mind will simply go to the next-in-line killing weapon and do the exact same thing again. And finally, if ever you make a mistake, (while we know that will probably never happen), you can always just take back what you did, and pretend it never happened. Say, if you decided to completely nerf all auto rifles because of the Suros Regime. If it turns out that about half a year later, auto rifles are complete garbage because of said nerf, you can always just change your mind and give them a buff. Surely everyone will forget the horrible mistake you made in the past, and just be grateful that auto rifles are no longer garbage. I understand that there are a lot of ways to be an excellent Bungie employee, and these tips are just a few. I'm sure you'd need some sort of Jedi powers to fully understand your player base, and that it is masterfully difficult to make the right choices; however it would seem a simple Poll or Vote would suffice to know the true intentions of your fans. But of course having a vote or poll to determine the player-bases' future is just nonsense. Of course the common player doesn't know what's best for them, but that's why we have Bungie Employees. They are there to make all the tough decisions that common player pions have no idea how to handle. So in closing; I have listed the best ways to be a good Bungie employee. For those seeking employment or future endeavors with this company, be sure to follow these tips. I'm sure you'll fit right in, especially since this is the current mold for all people who work in this sector. Thank you for your time, and good luck. Sincerely, ~Mouse~

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  • Gjallarhorn [i]won't[/i] be obsolete. Thorn won't be a fire-and-forget weapon that allows bad players to easily beat good players. And surely admitting and fixing a mistake is better than [i]not[/i] fixing it, right?

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