I understand a lot of you are not Christians and may be wondering how it all started. Well,let me explain... Thousands of years ago, after god killed off the dinosaurs due to a dispute with his neighbor, there was a carpenter a carpenter named Joe(Joey the Pedo to his mates). Joe had just found out he had gotten a 13-14 year old girl pregnant. To avoid jail time and much ribbing from his mates, the pair agreed they would never tell she had conceived by pure magic alone. Being as Google hadn't been invented and most doctors thought dancing was the most effective way to cure people, no one could prove them wrong. Mary's father, however, had heard the commotion a few weeks before and banished them from his house. Months passed and do to Jerusalem's NHS suffering a diabolical bed shortage, Mary had to give birth in a stable. Luckily regardless of them having a complete disregard for a sterile environment, with farm animals and feces being everywhere, no mid wife, and no equipment... Mary gave birth to a perfectly healthy child on the shit stained hay. They named him Jesús after the great great great great great great grandfather of Jesús Martinez, the mixed martial artist(who was born on December 26th... but that's a story for another day). It was at this point a white bearded man driving the coca cola truck pulled up outside and dropped off three homeless men on camels. They were all high on crystal meth and claimed to be kings from afar who had been following a star(don't judge... we've all been there). They then proceeded to empty out their pockets as gifts before carrying on their quest to Narnia. Years went by. Jesús had mastered wizardry and now had a pretty good career as a street magician where he would pull rabbits out of hats and other "David Blaine" style stunts. On the 14th of February -24 BCE, Jesús was performing magic for King Valentine on his beautiful wife's birthday. Due to excessive wizardry one of the rabbits suffered a severe mutation and killed the king's wife. The king was furious and ordered the immediate death of Jesús and honored his wife by naming the day after her. Jesús was nailed to a cross until presumed dead before being thrown into a cave for a laugh. Little did they know, Jesús pulled out a magic rabbit out so it could burrow them out to safety. Unfortunately, it was the same evil rabbit that killed the queen. To this day, every year, on the dawn of Jesús's death, the rabbit roams the Earth shitting chocolate eggs in people's gardens in commemoration of his creator. TL;DR You should have read it. P.S. Please don't be offended.