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Hello, my fellow Americans. I'm here today to kick some alien ass and take control back over the Earth. Here, I present to you, your new captain. Now, let's go senselessly beat the shit out of some tribal mother-blam!-ers. Thank you. [spoiler]read in Obama voice[/spoiler]
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...*pulls out blaster pistol* "everyone knows Obama caused the second American civil war after Forcing his fourth term. So why would you use his name and threaten our republic as well as our tribal allies who are assisting us in colonizing earth?"
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BITCH IMMA FUKN HOLOGRAM BITCH AYY WATCH OUT FOR JOHNNY HOE
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*sets off a handheld emp that kills the hologran* that's enough of that