When I remembered that OP is werd.
So you can't either become a Black Sapote tree.
https://diannegray.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/chocolate-pudding-tree.jpg
Or...
Be in the middle of this swarm!
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/u5lazarus/images/a/a2/Insects2.gif/revision/latest?cb=20100830021834
I mean, both really suck ass...
Unless OP is still werd. ;-; my feelings...
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Yes. Original Poster is weird. So are you. So are all mortals.