Hello Guardians,
I am a pulse rifle that was sold by the crucible quartermaster for months on end before HoW dropped. There was never much hype about me, even though I do 38 per shot (114 per burst) to the head in the crucible, which is capable of two bursting a Warlock wearing The Ram easily.
Then House of Wolves dropped, and with it Trials of Osiris. I was taken in a back room and painted yellow, and had some elemental damage fused to a small number of reproductions which were shipped to Mercury, to be placed in a chest oddly resembling the Ark of the Covenant which is weird AF for an "Egyptian" treasure chest, even from the perspective of a lowly firearm like me.
Now that I've been painted yellow and re-named, everyone is talking about me. Hundreds of thousands of guardians are going to kill each other, search the internet for teams, celebrate, rage, dance, teabag cheat?, and abuse? OP? weapons over the next few days to try to get their hands on me.
All I can say is, best of luck guardians. You could have had me all along for a measly 150 crucible marks, with a slick red.and blue paintjob. I guess it's ironic because that's how love works, when it's right in front of you, you miss it, but when you have to chase it, it's important.
That's the source of my name, by the way. The three little words that make the world go rpund: I love you.
Remember me guardians, and please- don't kill the messenger.
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Bump bc this is actually cool and funny as shit.