Necrobump

My washing machine is rascist too, on the directions it says, Dont Mix Coloreds with Whites

It has been a fantastic day for equal rights, after schools around the world announced their decision to finally ban the overtly racist and classist piece of offensive intolerance disguised as a board game, Chess. “Just look at the game,” said Headmaster of Checkerton High School, Chek Mayt, “It’s all about kings and queens forcing the poor proletariat pawns around a board, and about whites fighting blacks to control a limited bit of territory. We’re just glad we can finally throw this [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url]-esque piece of crude pro-supremacy propaganda in the bin.” Chess, as we all know, was invented in 1623 by Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin, who came up with the concept after realising how charred or polished bones of innocent men and women could each be carved into different little figurines for use in board games aimed at whiling away the quiet moments between public executions. Chess was preceded by the far more bigoted Backgammon (a word which derives from the Old Latin, Bacchus Gammonius, meaning “slaughter of innocents”) which involved impaling white and black pieces on different colour spikes, with the winner being the one who can get rid of their particular ethic group the fastest. Mayt is just one of many Education professionals who stand by the new ban. He added that what made the game even more like a mini Apartheid was how some pieces, like the Bishop, are forced to always remain on their specific coloured area. “What are we trying to teach our kids? That we are all just expendable, exploited pieces on the board of life, divided up by the colour of our skin and never allowed by society to leave our predefined roles or change our lot in life? What if a rook wants to move in an ‘L’ shape? What if a pawn wants to take a step to the side? What if a king doesn’t want to sacrifice his subjects in a pointless war that has no real purpose or reason except racial hatred and territorial disputes?” Schools have for a number of years now been trying to slowly marginalise chess out of their hallways through covert,operations, but they say that it has not yet proven successful, and that there was finally no other choice than drastic action. “We used to pay kids to beat up the smaller kids who played this game between AP Maths and Advance Chemistry, calling them ‘nerds’ and ‘dorks’ in the hopes that they would bow to peer pressure and social norms and give up the game, but it’s still played today,” said Mayt. “Extreme measures are necessary. If we want to teach our kids tolerance and acceptance, we have to ban this game and condemn anyone who plays it.” Some theorists are now trying to work on a “more tolerant, less ethnically charged version” of the game, but say they have encountered some difficulties. “We first tried to fix it by changing the colours of the pieces, but even this has proven not enough. We tried yellow and red, but now it just looks like we’re trying to portray Asian and Indian ethnic cleansing.” In spite of these difficulties, these hard-working men and women say they are optimistic that they are on the verge of a “much better game”. “We’re making a new version in which every piece is a mutli-coloured rainbow pawn – so that we’re all equal and racially sensitive – and a new bunch of rules in which your pieces democratically elect a King, and then you spend the rest of the game exercising passive measures instead of violence, equipping your pieces with placards, marijuana, flowers and an iconic soundtrack to stop the pointless violence of war. Sure, there isn’t a winner or loser, and it’s not at all fun – but isn’t that the best way to teach kids the basic lessons of life?” The game goes on sale next week, alongside the new anti-capitalist version of a popular board game, Marx-nopoly, in which players equally distribute land and spread their Pass-Go-Collect-200-Dollars income evenly among the masses.

So is pool/billiards. You have ALL the colored balls on the board, but that main ball, the white ball, is the designated ball to knock the other balls off. Everyone loses their shit when the white ball goes off the board of course, and the game is completely Over when the [i]white[/i] ball hits the [i]black[/i] ball, completely off the board.

The sad thing is many will take this seriously as another sign of "white oppression" even though slavery has existed in every race, culture and country and everyone did it to each other...

That's why I play checkers. No one cares about backs or indians.

Bump

It's not racist, it's Satanic. God created the Universe first, and it was black, then he created light. The fact that white goes before black in Chess shows it is the game of the anti-Christ.

And how come there's no Asian, Indian, or Hispanic pieces? Like, really though

It's also sexist

It was made thousands of years ago

. . .

The comments gave me aids. Oh yeah and some cancer. I see I hint of death aswell [quote]Gave. Me. Aids[/quote]

Bump for truth

dat username thou

GTA is racist to. This is scientifically proven. Don't doubt my methods. I shot a gang of Mexicans in gta5 and no cops were called and nobody ran away. I shot one white woman and had every cop in Los santos on my ass

Black ones are bigger though . ;)

Why I play pinks and my wife plays Browns ;)

You should go back in time and burn the creator

I bet you think halo multiplayer is racist

*gets game theory reference*