Doug and Phil are good guys, down-home legionaries (the last two before Valus Ta'aurc) who picked a bad time to sneak off and smoke a cigarette in Mr. Ta’aurc’s weapons bay. They have no idea you’re neutralizing every other Cabal in Cerberus Vae III. I mean, who would attack the weapons bay of the great Valus Ta'aurc with a Xurned Thunderlord during their smoke break? If they'd have known, they would have smoked outside. Is a heads up too much to ask? Doug just needed to get some stuff off his chest; he’s been going through a hard time. His wife left him and took his kids, just as he was starting to have a real connection with Doug K’Plak, Jr. He heard from a friend of Phil’s that Janine is dating a psion back in his home town of Plutac Va’mak. A psion! You believe that? She always was kind of a special-coins-digger. Doug can barely hold back his delicious, molasses-like Cabal tears. Phil has had some struggles lately also, mostly financial. His space Miata broke down and he doesn’t have the motes he needs to get it fixed. Denise in HR said he can’t borrow the company Interceptor any more. She's reading a book on assertiveness. For a legionnaire his age with his budget, Phil over-contributed to his Cabalbank retirement account and if he tries to withdraw motes for the repair before age 229 (Mars years), there’s a 15% penalty. The plot thickens: the contributions are in pretax motes. Doug is also concerned that Phil secretly wants more out of his relationship with Doug than just friendship. Doug will have to put his concerns aside, because Phil’s a great listener and a great friend. Why would he tell Steve the Centurion anything personal and let the whole imperial land tank will find out? Steve is a loud-mouthed, yellow-health-bar bitch. So, to recap: Doug – would give you the XXXXXXXXXL shirt off his back, learning to open his heart Phil – gives fantastic massages, poor financial planner Janine - whore Steve – only a major because he went to summer camp with Rockets McDickface Weapons Bay – there’s bombs and stuff in here, you shouldn’t smoke in here, can't you read the signs? Denise - needs to learn spreadsheets better so she can get that promotion to HR Assistant Manager Doug and Phil – could find love in a hopeless place