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Edited by Talos :
5/14/2015 2:11:44 AM
88
Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/scientists-earth-endangered-by-new-strain-of-fact-resistant-humans
[quote] MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.
“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”
More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”
While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.
While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said. [/quote]
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Reading the comments on this thread has assured me that most people do not understand the topic of this article.
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10 RepliesLiberals have always been resistant to facts.
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Expected Rick roll, was disappointed
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10 RepliesYea, we call them Liberals here in the US.
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You mean feminist?
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3 Replies*cough* religion *cough cough*
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If you look in the URL it has the word "humor" in it. G -blam!-ing g.
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stupid people used to find a way to get killed. now with the 'nanny-states' we protect them and encourage their behavior. smh.
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2 RepliesEdited by qoslsnsmqaaksk: 8/8/2015 8:56:47 PMDid you see who wrote the article? A comedian? Did you see his other ones? This is just a joke. [spoiler]Maybe you did because you have the tag kek but I bet most people didn't..[/spoiler]
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Oh, shit, they're adapting.
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So basically, religious people.
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This is excellent
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Edited by Tiber of Astora: 8/11/2015 6:21:31 AM[quote]Talos?! You're jus' some arse ol' posing as me an' me fren' up in' the Forums! I see et' as igh' time we kick is pale arse! Change your name or suck me bloomin' cock, ya' ornery fayg. Talos un' Tiber taint no fokin' liberal. Nor are we atheists ya' fokin' poser. We're gods for fok sake![/quote]
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3 Replies
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1 ReplyNew Jersey in a nutshell
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Guaranteed this was published after watching the republican primaries
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1 Reply>anti-vaxxers
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Amazing.
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Beatiful.
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3 RepliesPlease tell me this is satire.
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1 ReplyBump.
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Lol so true
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1 ReplyGr8 b8 m8 I r8 8/8
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Pure facts right here.
