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Destiny

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Edited by oPeeps: 5/8/2015 2:21:48 PM
11

Ahamkara: Extinct No More (exposition)

A small group of three Guardians milled around a rocky outcropping. Beneath them, lay the sprawling jungles of Venus, a foreboding wilderness to say the least. However, the Guardians eyes were fixated on the creatures above them. “I’ve heard about these before” marveled the Titan, “Those are the Ahamkara.” The creatures were flying, equipped with a pair of dragon like wings and a tail. “Don’t be foolish. Everybody knows the Ahamkara were hunted to extinction many years ago” the Warlock jeered. The Hunter of the group said nothing. “Don’t call [i]me[/i] foolish you little pansy” the Titan roared, with hints of an Irish accent. Growing increasingly tired of the twos bickering, the Hunter decided to give himself some space between the feuding Guardians. He wandered off into the wilderness, wielding his trusty hand cannon. He soon found himself investigating some Vex ruins, when he heard a deep, guttural, roar that made the hair stand up on his neck. Swiftly, he moved through the Venusian underbrush to find the source of the sound. He never would. Just the charred, mangled bodies of his Guardian companions. ————————————————————————————————————— Not far from the City’s immense Walls, lay a small colony; a town made by those who were not permitted into the City itself for whatever reason, nobody ever asked why. The town, known as Heaven by the inhabitants, was almost completely inclosed by foreboding mountains and forests, so the attacks of scavenging Fallen were few and far between; sometimes years would pass without ever seeing a Fallen skiff. The community lived in harmony with one another, and the Traveller benefited them with plentiful harvests and lack of disease. That would all change. A little girl was playing in the garden of her mother and fathers home. In the distance, she heard a rumbling. Soon, a tornado of crows erupted out from the distance. Being five, she was unbeknownst to the coming danger. She looked up, and saw what she thought was a bird; a very big bird. “Mommy, mommy!” she called to her mother “Birdy!” she said pointing to the sky above her. Smiling, her mother looked to where her daughter was pointing. Her smile turned into a shriek of utter terror when she saw what the “birdy” really was. Then, an inferno of flame burst onto the small town. ————————————————————————————————————— Author’s Note: Hey guys, Peeps here. Hope everybody enjoyed. If this goes well, this will be the exposition of a continued series. Be gentle with feedback. <3 -Peeps

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  • Edited by Randilonious: 5/8/2015 9:10:39 AM
    Peeps! Good story bro! Content wise, it's great! Here's some constructive criticism for you. The grammar in some places is a little off and there are some vocabulary issues. Some of the sentences could also use some better structuring. Those are easy things to fix though, just get another pair of eyes on it before you post to get some editing in there. Most of us, myself included, tend to see what we meant to write and not what we actually wrote, haha. Happens to everyone. Great stuff though! If you want someone to proofread future stuff, hit me up. I'll usually have time to do so.

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