I have been having trouble lately with figuring out what kind of person I should be. I often feel split with wanting to make opposite decisions that conflict with each other. It's like I have two sets of morals that go against each other. One side is good the other is bad and I want to be both but can't decide.
Good: The caring romantic side of me that wants to explore, experience, and do everything. When I'm like this my interest is in the well being of everyone. This is the path that I'm on right now and the only "me" that people (friends and family) have ever known.
Bad: Underneath my good exterior is a hateful side of me craving for a life of chaos, war, and destruction. This side if me is exciting to my mind and the thought of exploring it is empowering. However this side might not be as accepted by everyone including my good side. This life could end up saddening people who love me and make me end up a lonely selfish person.
So what should I do? Do I stay good and seek the love of others and deny my internal desires or do I become a bad person who risks his friendships in a selfish attempt to get what I really want?
[quote]edit: I'm looking for a response that makes sense. I'm having trouble choosing what to do so perhaps if there is something to make a choice more sensible than the other then it would make it easier to decide.[/quote]
[b][u]Final Choice[/u][/b]
[spoiler]Ironically I found my answer getting subway yesterday (also got some community support). I went in for a sandwich and I ended up talking with a girl that I knew from highschool and we talked about how things have been. Looking back at highschool all she could could remember was how I was such a sweet and nice person. I didn't think much of it at first but it makes me feel good to know that people don't look at me as a terrible person. As much as I want to quit what I've got sometimes and pursue something a little more lonely (because not everyone can keep up with me) I'm pretty sure that I'm going to just stay the way that I am. [/spoiler]
TL:DR
Should I be good and be with friends or bad and be lonely doing what I want to do?
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How about.... You be you?