Previous episode: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/113291713/0/0 ****WARNING**** Contains harsh language and suggestive themes that may not be appropriate for children [u]Episode 2: Dust and Dehydration[/u] 2 weeks after the fight at the tavern our guardians had become well acquainted with each other. I had also come to enjoy the company of Harley and Winston's ghosts; Ratchet and Merv. They could be as painfully irritating as their guardian counterparts but they were good companions nonetheless. Winston had suggested we head to Mars, to seek out Relic Iron for augmenting their newly purchased weapons from the Vanguard. We made camp by an abandoned Cabal barracks and the crew decided Harley should scout the route ahead for Cabal forces that could be in the area. A few hours went by and we were all beginning to get a little on edge.... [b]Teddy:[/b] Gibbs! Would you please stop dickin around and come open this door already? If you even can, that is. [b]Gibbs:[/b] Oh I can get it open. DOS is- [b]Teddy:[/b] I swear in the name of all things sacred Gibbs if you say "DOS is more complicated" one more goddamn time... [b]Merv:[/b] It really is though. These Cabal don't know jack about security programming. [b]Teddy:[/b] Shut. Up. Merv. [b]Winston:[/b] You think she'll be back soon? I got a ton of research papers on Hive breeding rituals I still need to get done back at the tower. [b]Teddy:[/b] Oh my god. ENOUGH with the Hive breeding rituals, man. You been goin on about that shit for two days now! I can NOT listen to another story about the asexual nature of Hive knights and how it pertains to modern Hive hierarchy. I will literally explode. [b]Winston:[/b] Can't, or won't? [b]Teddy:[/b] Neither! Gibbs, what the hell is taking so long?! [b]Gibbs:[/b] Well, your shouting sure isn't helping much. But if you must know this door was sealed by a Warmind, not the Cabal. Cracking the code requires me to first override the existing firewall and install one of my own to keep the security failsafe from triggering. And then I need to somehow trick the door locking mechanism into thinking- [b]Teddy:[/b] Forget it, forget it, forget it. I shouldn't have asked. *sigh* It's too -blam!-ing hot out here. [b]Merv:[/b] I could have a look at your internal cooling system if you like. You mentioned it was malfunctioning. [b]Gibbs:[/b] Merv, come here for a second. ....... [b]Gibbs:[/b] His cooling system is not malfunctioning. I turned it off. [b]Merv:[/b] What? Why? It's over 105 degrees out here and he's got the thickest armor out of all of them. We have to turn it back on for him or he'll have a heat-stroke. [b]Gibbs:[/b] He called me "little light" again the other day. If you turn that thing back on, I will disable your guidance and navigation functions and watch you buzz around the desert like a house fly on a windowsill til your shell cracks from the heat and your internal processor fries to a crisp. [b]Merv:[/b] ....Jesus, dude. [b]Winston:[/b] Hey, we got any food? [b]Teddy:[/b] Wha- You were supposed to bring the food! [b]Winston:[/b] What? Where the hell am I supposed to store 2 days worth of food? [b]Teddy:[/b] Oh it's this new thing the kids are doin called PACKING A -blam!-IN BAG! [b]Winston:[/b] You're the one with the bulky ass armor full of storage compartments! Why didn't you bring anything? [b]Teddy:[/b] I packed all the extra ammo! [b]Winston:[/b] For what? Everything you kill drops ammo! [b]Teddy:[/b] Well forgive me for stocking up on ammo synths so when we run into a Cabal patrol we don't end up with our pants around our ankles while a giant space turtle has his way with our lifeless corpses! [b]Winston[/b] Can you even get your pants around your ankles? I thought all your armor was linked together with interlocking carbon fiber buckles and clasps? [b]Teddy:[/b] That's not the- *Poof* [b]Harley:[/b] You boys look like you could use a candy bar. [b]Ratchet:[/b] And a shower. [b]Winston:[/b] What the- How long have you two been there!? [b]Harley:[/b] Oh we uh... never left. [b]Teddy:[/b] I'm sorry, what? You mean to tell me that we've been sitting here in the sun blasted shithole that is Mars for 3 -blam!-ing hours, sweating our asses off and dying of thirst, and you've just been sitting here invis doing NOTHING!? [b]Harley:[/b] Well, when you say it like that it kinda makes me sound like a bitch. [b]Teddy:[/b] Imagine that! [b]Harley:[/b] And I wasn't doing nothing. I sharpened my knife, stitched a hole in my cape, AND read up on a new Blink technique. And I've uh, ahem, been drinking the water and eating the food. Before you ask, no Winston I'll not be sharing my newfound knowledge of Blink with you. [b]Winston:[/b] But- [b]Gibbs:[/b] Door is open. [b]Ratchet:[/b] I would've had that thing open in less than 90 seconds. Just saying. [b]Gibbs:[/b] -_- [b]Merv:[/b] Uhhh... Ratchet? You may want to put your firewalls up. [b]Teddy:[/b] Let's just get inside. I'll deal with you two assholes when my balls stop sticking to the inside of my crotch-plate. [i]Coming up- Episode 3: Space Turtles[/i] https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/113512733/0/0