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Edited by Panda:
4/21/2015 6:18:38 PM
34
Opinions on a sensitive topic
Ok so I went to dinner with my mom tonight and she was doing her usual thing, telling me everything about everybody she knows. She was telling me about a family friend back home. I want to tell you about the friend and I want to know your opinion.
Names are changed for privacy reasons:
[spoiler][i]Jane[/i] is a 14 year old girl. She grew up in a chaotic blended family that would make an Arkansan say "wtf". She has an older sister, two older step-brothers (who are also her cousins), and an older step-sister (who is also her cousin). Growing up with them was chaos. There was also a baby cousin in the house along with the three adults for a total of 9 people in one tiny house.
In the family she was treated as the princess. She was the baby girl and she always got her way. She never got in trouble and was really bratty to the other kids.
When [i]Jane[/i] was around 10 the family inherited a ton of money and moved into two separate houses. [i]Jane[/i] got showered in toys and princess dresses and video games. She got everything she wanted. She loved being the center of attention and was really good at manipulating the adults in her life.
Her sister [i]Mary[/i] was not so lucky. She was the black sheep of the family with poor social skills and low self confidence. Even tho they were rich at this point she still got fewer presents and no attention.
Eventually the money ran out. [i]Mary[/i] ended up living with her biological dad, she started cutting herself, attempting suicide and running away from home.
[i]Jane[/i] moved out-of-state with her mom, step-dad and one of her step-brothers to live near my family bc her mom and my mom were best friends.
After two years here [i]Jane's[/i] mom died suddenly. [i]Jane[/i] moved back home. After a large custody battle with her biological dad, she was able to stay with her step-dad and step-brother.
It's been about a year now since her mom's death. [i]Jane[/i] is now completely different than she had been before. Without her mom around she has even more freedom. She is 14 with a 2am curfew.
She cuts herself and has attempted suicide multiple times. She spends all night on the Internet. She has a new interest in Japan. She loves anime, sushi, is learning Japanese and wants to move to Japan. (Just stating all the behavior changes, not saying anything negative about that.)
At school [i]Jane[/i] has informed her teachers that she is a pangender, pansexual. She has a name tag that she wears on days she would like to be called [i]John[/i]. Two of her teachers allow this. [/spoiler]
Do you think the changes were influenced by the death, her chaotic life, exposure to the Internet, or they would have happened anyway?
Do you think this is phase, cry for attention or her true self?
[spoiler]I included a lot of details to try to make you understand as much as possible.
I'm not staring my opinion on the topic. I'm just wondering what you think. [/spoiler]
Edit: also I forgot to mention my mom will be the one who gets legal custody of her if her step-dad dies. And [i]Jane[/i] is coming up to visit for a few months this summer. My mom is not sure how to handle it because she is a very strict parent and it will be a massive change to what [i]Jane[/i] is used to. She also feels she may need to tell [i]Jane's[/i] friends parents about [i]Jane's[/i] changes when she comes.
Edit2:[quote]I'm hoping people with more knowledge than I on this topic may have advice on if it seems genuine, what to expect and how to help/react.[/quote]
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1 ReplyAt which point did you move to Bel-Air
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I would say it is the moms death which lead to her cry for attention meaning she had her mom who cared for her she got attention by her and when that person UR parent that truly loves U is gone it hurts so she trying to probably find someone like that who can help her like that or love her like that the death affected her the most ;(
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I think its a cry for attention. I wouldn't be too strict as it could result in something drastic, but don't let her push you around.
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That's a difficult one to guess on without actually knowing her during her transition. Could be any one of the things you mentioned, a combination of them, or none of them. People at that age really begin to stress their individuality and often change dramatically over the next couple years. Could just be the whole "transitioning into adulthood" thing, or it could be a cry for help.
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Edited by Spooter: 3/16/2015 1:27:00 AMUp until the whole love of Japan thing I was sorta thinking she's transformed into me after a very different upbringing (with the exception of the curfew thing, cause shit I'm twenty, and ). I mean, I enjoy myself some anime, but Japan isn't a nice place and depictions telling you otherwise should never be trusted. I believe she's trying, but is incapable of coping with those losses. Putting it bluntly, she is a weak person who can't face up to the fact that sometimes life is shit and she can't handle the reality of that. She is most likely a confused girl, as borrowing the whole pansexual bit as an example, is trying to wear different persona's so she can pretend that it's not really about [i]her[/i]. It almost seems as f she went to tumblr and was told by the worst people imaginable how to handle her problems, and how identifying differently might making a big difference.
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1 ReplySounds like your cousins coco
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1 ReplyEdited by Avid (Inept): 3/16/2015 12:10:32 AMOh my god I am so sorry for them and you Look I know one person who had been like this for a long time after she became a foster child She goes through a lot of the things you mentioned and had in truth run from home and attempted suicide after finding that her foster mother was starting to doubt that she could carry on caring for her I'm no expert don't get me wrong but no matter what happens you can not let them believe they are being rejected, or they will cling to it The Japanese obsession may be a wish to be away from people she knows and the pan gender could be that she no longer wants to be herself I hope what I'm saying helps but I hope things do improve :( Oh and a possible solution would be to try and allow her the same freedoms that she received from her mother, but a massive change over from losing a close friend and relative to moving on is a huge task and there must be patience, and if anything doesn't work do not try and persist, it could make things worse I'm only fifteen so I don't know much, but I if worry for you and hope everything is eventually resolved
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2 RepliesWhat you've described is one girl who has done everything possible to get attention and be different. It's what scientists are now calling a "super-phase"
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1 ReplyI guess try to be empathetic?
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2 RepliesClosest thing to this that I've had to deal with... [spoiler]This coming from a teenager. Prefer not to reveal age, so don't ask please.[/spoiler] Was an old friend of mine texting me at 12:30 am and asking where they should put the razor blade that they had just used to attempt suicide. Not once did I ever think of her doing that. She told me she had been doing it for months, as her parents aren't exactly the kindest. She was telling me she might try to commit again, and I talked with her for two hours attempting to talk her out of it. I did thankfully, and life continued on. For this situation: I don't really know what to say. I think if "Jane" had a really close connection with her mother, its most likely genuine. If she had a normal connection with her mom, I don't know. Could be either. If her and her mom were not close, then I'd say its attention seeking. The changes in behavior are just that. Teenagers (I should know) are very... influenced by external sources. Take a look at all the kids who like rap, they're usually teenagers, with exceptions. We all experience swings in what we like and what we dislike. Good luck in this man.
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Suggestion would be mitigate any harm to her, but don't actively repress the ideas.
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At that age I would conclude it's just a phase, but then again everyone has their own way reacting to a dramatic part of their life.
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I think she grew up recieving soo much attention and when she got older she began to lose that attention and felt she needed some way to get people to focus on her more first by cutting now by -blam!-ing pans
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Edited by U6072034: 3/15/2015 10:07:32 PMShe is crying for attention because she is seeing herself as less of a princess without the rest of her family getting nothing from their parents. [b]It's a cry for attention.[/b] [spoiler]Im 14, and I have this condition called "respect" because my parents beat me. This means I don't cut myself or beg for attention.[/spoiler]
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3 RepliesAnyone else skip to the bottom to catch a "prince of bel air"?
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Edited by Stoker: 3/15/2015 9:55:50 PM[quote]Do you think the changes were influenced by the death, her chaotic life, exposure to the Internet, or they would have happened anyway?[/quote] [b]All of them[/b] [quote]Do you think this is phase, cry for attention or her true self?[/quote] [b]Cry for attention[/b]
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4 RepliesEdited by Britton: 3/15/2015 9:48:57 PMI think she was given too many gifts instead of guidance. Kids and teens don't need stuff. They need relationships with their family, guidance, and support so they can develop themselves and their goals. I imagine the mom dying was a catalyst, but she's acting out in a way that, to me, screams "I need help, and I need guidance"
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8 RepliesEdited by nucleartestbunny: 3/15/2015 9:46:03 PMI hope this spoiled kid offs herself. She's an obvious attention seeker and the reason is because every time she's done these attention seeking behaviors the people in her life have given her attention. She knows she will get her way. I say you throw her into a third world country and let her live there for a year. Seeing how those kids live literally playing in trash and shit really has a way of changing ones perspectives. To this girl the world revolves around her and when she finds out it doesn't, it's crushing, and she does all of this attention seeking behavior (cutting herself, making the teachers call her john, etc.). What she needs is a heavy dose of reality. She needs to be in a spot where no one is there to rescue her, no one cares, and no one will feed into her line of bullshit. Really bad things tend to happen with girls like her. They start seeking attention from the wrong people end up getting into drugs, promiscuous sex, many times getting -blam!- repeatedly. Her parents really are to blame too for the whole letting her be a princess thing. Your friend needs serious help and unfortunately any help you could give her she's not going to want.
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2 RepliesMy balls are sensitive
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2 RepliesShe was never given boundaries. That's the main problem. I'd say its mostly the parenting, with some of the death playing a role in sending her over the edge.
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1 ReplyIn my opinion (which is not held highly by most) is this is why families need to stick together and parents need to be parents not friends. With a controlled life from early age to early teens is what every child needs. A successful family means a successful child. Now about her/him being pan. To me it sounds like a attention grabber. In school you need to be extreme to get a lot of attention.
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1 ReplyIt's probably a bit of both. Honestly hard to tell what factors are playing into what when there's so much going on already
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1 ReplyIt sounds to me like she is starving for love. Getting everything you want and never being told no makes a child feel insecure. Having safe boundaries makes a child feel loved and like someone cares that they won't be hurt. It sounds like a tough situation. I hope the best for your family!
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I think that she may have developed a couple of mental disorders.
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Lol what the fûck
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2 RepliesMaybe she needs a friend she can trust a lot. That could be you Panda. :D
