First, I'd take the box out to dinner and a show, you know show it a really nice time. I would try my best to befriend and hopefully seduce the box just to explore its contents. However, against the best of efforts, I find the box was bored with me, and resorted to opening itself every time a FedEx commercial comes on. Angered, I try my best to satisfy the box. Foreplay with box cutters, wrapping it in masking tape, packing its rear end full of foam peanuts, and anything else to make it open for me, and nobody else. It would be at that point that the box would be taking my life over, because I would be stuck on a never ending quest of trying to satisfy this horrible box, who only takes me for granted. Then I find the box with a loose sheet of cardboard, top open wide. Just for a piece of cardboard who can't even fold itself. Can't shape up. I grab a knife and slash every inch of that slutty box who doesn't give a -blam!- about me or anyone else for that matter. I use every ounce of hate and anger inside me to end that box, and eviscerate anything inside. Alas, for the first time finally opens. Just for me.