New writer

I see a lot potential with the story Will. It takes guts to put your work into the wild so I'll help the best I can. It's tough to give feedback on your introduction. It's like going to see a trapeze act. But instead of the high-wire show you get to watch the warm up session and then are instructed to review just that. Two pages of narrative summary is equal to a warm up- it's not what people are paying to see. I get it though. You have invested so much into the back story of this universe and characters. People might not understand them or what's going on at first. Setting the stage makes perfect sense . . . except for the reader. There is nothing saying the reader has to read 3 lines of your story. Why would they sit through pages of narrative summary (which is boring to the reader) if you have not earned their attention yet? In today's world, they wouldn't. Instead of setting the stage, light it on fire! Blow it up. Make people gasp. Do not let them catch their breath. Thrust them headlong into the action and make them feel it. Once the reader is hooked you can start giving bits of back story. When I first started writing, I spent five pages on setting the stage. A mentor read through it and gave me the most ridiculous advice ever. He told me to delete the first chapter. 8-O I did and it was gut-wrenching! But here's the thing- the story really started in Chapter 2. It was better for it. So my advice? Start working on chapter 2 then make that the beginning. Keep what you've written already but use it for personal notes. I like your story idea. Your structure is good and you have a great imagination. Keep writing, I want to see what comes next!