"Inside one of these presents is the deactivation code to the bomb I planted inside your mother womb, there is also a surgical kit inside one to open your mother, time is ticking my son."
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"Santa isn't real, you adopted little brat. Also; we donated ALL of your presents to charity. Please note that I don't mean "charity" as in a charitable foundation; I mean it as in Charity the stripper who is your real mom. Speaking of sexual matters, we need to have [i]a talk.[/i]"