hey flood forum, the liz here with yet another girl problem!! crazy ain't it!?
so i was chatting up with a girl on twitter and we got friendly enough to share emails, and eventually PO boxes (we both live in company warehouses) and she came to meet me. well, we started seeing each other for a long time, and one night, i felt it was a good time to ask her to marry me. we were making out pretty intensely, and i was feeling her up, took her panties off, and on her thigh she had a birthmark... one that looked exactly like mine... and my dad's... and my grandfather's... turns out, she was my long-lost adopted sister. if this wasn't bad enough, when i broke the news, she shot herself for fear of disrespecting the family for incest. i had to bury the body. no one could know that i caused a suicide, and especially did incest. this was six months ago, and her adoptive parents are apparently worried, from what i heard.
any advice, flood?
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This happened to me once. Take an airplane to China and find a little girl at a school and take her with you. Tattoo the birthmark on her thigh and dress her in American attire. Bring her to her adoptive parents and tell them that Hitler came back from the grave and turned their daughter into a Chinese girl. Rub applesauce all over the girl in front of her parents and then defecate on the floor in front of them, this will lessen the shock. Proceed to remove all your clothing and run out the door yelling about Hitler's second coming. Never go to that city every again. 100% fool-proof, it worked for me